There. Now It’s Broken

If I was ever going to flip my lid over something like this, it would be one of those times when you get a pizza and find that they didn’t cut the slices all the way through. I hate that!

Subway worker Cassandra Pierre-Louis told sheriff’s deputies that De Barros, a licensed building contractor, “became upset with her after finding out that his sandwich was not separated,” according to a probable cause affidavit.
Following a “brief verbal exchange,” Pierre-Louis said, De Barros “began causing a disruptive scene.” After the Subway worker announced that she would no longer be serving De Barros, “the sandwich was thrown at Ms. Pierre-Louis.”
The sandwich–which struck Pierre-Louis in her “mid to lower body section”–is not further described by investigators.

Conservatively, I would estimate that I have eaten somewhere in the neighbourhood of a gazillion subs in my lifetime. Amazingly, I don’t remember ever getting an unsliced one. Not even in the small town I used to live in where half the time the people working at the Subway didn’t seem to know why they were there.

Anyway, when police questioned Alberto De Barros, who they tracked down thanks to the Subway lady getting a photo of his license plate, he admitted to being irritated by his sandwich not being cut in half, but said that he threw it at the counter, not her. Security footage, however, showed otherwise.

He was charged with misdemeanour battery.

At Least He Was Keeping Himself Clean

It’s totally a stereotype and I know we’re all supposed to be better than that now, but be honest with yourself. When you hear a name like Giovanni Impellizzeri, you probably have at least one of two thoughts:

  1. That’s a mobster.
  2. I bet he could make some pretty good food.

I can’t speak to that first one, but if even a little bit of this is true, put me down as a hard no for the dinner party.

Impellizzeri posted “extremely disturbing videos” to Telegram, prompting several tips to be sent to officials with the Elizabeth F. Moore School in Upper Deerfield.
As detailed in a shocking probable cause affidavit, videos obtained by police showed Impellizzeri using “various utensils and items from the school to wipe his penis, testicles, and anus.” Additionally, he could be seen “masturbating and urinating on pillows and kitchen bowls” and spraying bleach on cucumbers later served to students.
As if that was not revolting enough, Impellizzeri allegedly used “multiple pieces of bread to wipe” his anus and genitals “before putting the bread back into the container to be later served to children” at the public school.

Other details are light, so we don’t know yet why any of this was happening or for how long. He had worked for the district as a custodian since 2019 though, which means it could have been a while. So I guess if you’re looking for a bright side to all of those COVID school closures a few years back, you’ve probably just found it.

Shockingly, I Can Breathe

A photo of the NasoCalm nose massaging mask.
Let this zap you for 15 minutes a day.

There’s almost no chance that I would pay actual money for this based on concept alone, but I have enough trouble with my nose on a daily basis that I would for sure try the hell out of one if somebody let me.

Although described as a massager, the NasoCalm doesn’t work like the Therabody Theragun or similar devices that vibrate against the skin to help relieve sore muscles. Instead, inside the nasal mask there are six electrodes that send electrical impulses into the skin to make muscles around the nose and nasal cavity contract, similar to the electrical signals the brain sends out to make us move.
Its makers claim a 15-minute daily massage of “nasal acupoints” with the NasoCalm can “improve nose circulation and promote muscle contractions,” which will, in turn, help relieve congestion and clear airways so users can breath easier.

Users can select five different levels of massage intensity on the mask itself (there is no smartphone app connectivity). While the NasoCalm does produce about 55 decibels of sound while it’s running, that’s comparable to the background noise in the average home. A full charge provides enough power for up to 3.5 hours of continuous use, although mileage will vary depending on the intensity of those electrical impulses.

The company also claims that it can relax you while you’re using it, although nothing about the idea of a mask shocking my face sounds relaxing to me in the slightest.

The lack of smartphone integration is definitely a point in it’s favour, if you ask me. the last thing I want is another damn app in my life, especially when all I’m trying to do is breathe. No need to complicate things.

If you think you might like to pay actual money for one, they’re taking contributions on Kickstarter right now and hope to start delivering this March.

This Being A Day Ending In Y, Your Rogers Bill Is About To Go Up

So remember how letting Rogers buy Shaw was going to be great for Canadians, lowering everyone’s bills and absolutely not leading to out of control rate increases? Three guesses how that’s going.

Wireless phone plans will be getting more expensive for some Canadians this year. 
Rogers Communications Inc. will increase the cost of some of its plans in the coming weeks, the company confirmed to CBC News on Wednesday.
Meanwhile, Bell is reportedly increasing some of its existing wireless phone plan prices in February, according to a report by Canadian tech news outlet MobileSyrup. 
The Rogers price hike will impact some customers’ wireless phone plans and internet plans, including customers of its subsidiary Fido, a spokesperson for the telecom giant told CBC News.

While a Rogers spokesperson said many customers will see a price hike under $7, the increases could be as high as $9 per month, depending on the customer’s plan or bundle with their carrier. The hikes apply only to customers who are not on contract.

Customers who have been notified by Rogers will start seeing the new price applied to bills issued after Jan. 17.

It’s not just wireless. Internet and TV rates are going up, too. Based on our most recent bill, those hikes are coming in March. And for us, it means that our already ridiculous bill that we keep getting lowered yet somehow mysteriously keeps creeping back up will be increasing by $21 this year. $4 for internet, $3 for TV and $14 for our two cell phones ($7 each).

Yeah, I know that François-Philippe Champagne said a bunch of tough guy words about non-compliance and whatever, but who cares? Wake me up when he or anyone else in government turns any of that bluster into action. I expect that about as much as I expect a corporate merger to be good for consumers one day. Corporate mergers are almost never good for anyone who doesn’t own the corporation.

Kame & Went

I thought I had posted this a couple months ago, but it turns out that it wound up on my endless I’ll get around to it pile and then never got gotten around to. So thanks muchly to a good friend I won’t name just in case for looking out for us and making sure that we don’t miss the good stuff. And if a fella doing his best to follow the instructions on a Kum & Go sign isn’t the good stuff, what even is good stuff?

The image is split into two sections. On the left, there is a mugshot of a middle-aged man with dishevelled dark hair, some gray at the temples, and stubble. He has a serious expression and is wearing a purple Nike sports top. On the right, there is a photo of a convenience store named "Kum & Go." The store has a red and white sign above the entrance, with large glass windows and doors. The building has a brick facade with a section painted in gray. The address "2303" is visible above the entrance. There is a clear sky above the store.
Why wouldn’t this mugshot be credited to the Johnson County Jail?

According to cops, victims called 911 to report that an “unknown male had said sexual things to them and began masturbating in their presence” while outside the convenience store in Iowa City.
After a police canvass near the Kum & Go, officers identified Kenneth Lee Kelly, 54, as a suspect in the public pleasure session. “Multiple subjects from Kum & Go, neighboring businesses, and apartments identified the defendant as the subject in the photos,” cops reported.

No word on whether one of those neighbouring businesses was a Jack in the Box, but maybe don’t eat there for a while if it was.

Kelly, who has to have been playing the tell me you want to get caught without saying you want to get caught game with police, said when questioned that the person in the security video wasn’t him, but then proceeded to show them all of the identical clothes he owned. He also pulled the ‘ol it’s a big misunderstanding card, telling police that what those nice people may have seen wasn’t him pulling something else, but just scratching it.

All of this went about as well as could be expected and he was booked, it says here, into the Johnson County Jail, which…well…yeah.

Several Hours Worth Of Stories About The Royal Rumble

I haven’t worked my way through all of this yet, but I’m posting it anyway since there’s no possible way that Sean Ross Sapp talking to dozens of wrestlers current and classic about their experiences in the Royal Rumble isn’t going to be at least a little bit interesting.

The Rumble has been my favourite WWE show of the year for almost as long as they’ve been doing it. It’s always fun in a wrestling sense even when it winds up being a bad match because there’s the potential for so many things to happen, but all of the real life moving parts involved in putting something like it together are often as interesting as the storylines. What happens if something goes wrong? How much is called in the ring? How much is heavily planned beforehand? How much has that changed over the years?

The Inside the Royal Rumble articles referenced in the video can be found here. I need to read those, too.

Mr. Speaker, Due To Our Government’s Own Cuts, We’ve All Been Issued Landlines. That’s Why We Don’t Use Them

I’m not going to sit here and pretend that Doug Ford and his cabinet ministers are the only political figures to ever figure out that if you don’t use your government issue devices that it’s harder for people to keep track of what you’re up to, but I’m pretty sure they might be the only ones to make themselves sound this silly and guilty of something when called out on it.

Marit Stiles peppered the government with questions about how ministers communicate after Global News revealed the ministers of education, finance, health, housing and transportation made between zero and 20 minutes of calls on their official devices.
Freedom of information requests have also revealed four months where Ontario Premier Doug Ford failed to make a single call from his official device.
“Is it standard practice for ministers to avoid accountability in this way?” Stiles asked Wednesday.
Progressive Conservative House Leader Paul Calandra denied any rules had been broken and said the lack of phone calls was because the Ford cabinet was communicating in other ways.

“I’ll tell you what the Minister of Health is doing, like every other minister of the government, we’re not contemplating, ‘How many times did I turn my phone on each and every day?’” he said when asked why Sylvia Jones failed to make a single call from her government device in January.

“There are other ways of communicating: my iPad — actually, I can text message on my iPad.”

I’ll bet you can also text on your official government phone, my guy.

And he keeps going, for some reason. That reason, of course, being that this government is made up almost entirely of dumb, arrogant people whose only purpose in elected life appears to be tripping over their own feet, then spinning around and power walking in the opposite direction.

Phone records obtained by Global News revealed senior cabinet ministers were not using their work devices at key times.

The finance minister, for example, made just two minutes of phone calls in March 2023 when he was finalizing and presenting the province’s annual budget.
All five ministers said they followed record-keeping rules and used other forms of communication like in-person meetings or Microsoft Teams.
“I know the Minister of Finance and the parliamentary assistants are crisscrossing the province,” Calandra said. “Not talking to people on a phone.”


What else can you say about a quote like that, honestly. What a clown.

Yes, there are a lot of ways to communicate. Yes, I’m sure the government uses several of them. But the finance minister was only on his work phone for two minutes at budget time because he prefers to set up Zoom meetings and wait for a response? Come on, man. There are good lies and there are bad lies. this, without question, is a bad lie. The sort to which we’ve grown sadly accustomed since 2018.

Get Your Head Out Of Your Annus. And Everyone Else’s, Too

File this one under close enough.

Sentenced to 10 and a half years in prison last year for the attempted rape of a boy under the age of 13 was Kristian Annus.

Not sure how he wound up looking the way he does in this mug shot, but you kind of hope it was a fuck around and find out type situation, don’t you?

A man facing the camera with significant injuries to his face. His left eye is swollen shut with bruising and cuts around it. There are multiple lacerations and abrasions across his forehead and cheek, with dried blood visible. His right eye appears less injured but still shows signs of bruising. He has a beard and is wearing a grey t-shirt.
Kristian Annus police photo.