I’ve Got A Bone Or 20 To Pick With You, Dad

I am a big fan of chicken wings. I may be an even bigger fan of free chicken wings. As such, I can’t imagine a single variety of free chicken wings that would irritate me to this degree.

According to an arrest report, Suliafu’s father returned home that day with an order of chicken wings for his son, ABC 4 reported.
“When (Suliafu) discovered the wings were not the variety he liked, he became upset and began to argue,” an officer wrote in a probable cause statement.
The dispute escalated, Suliafu went into his bedroom and returned with a gun and, despite his father’s pleas, he opened fire, police said. The father was able to dodge the bullet, which traveled through the walls of their apartment and eventually became lodged in a neighbor’s dishwasher, police added.
The father then went for his son’s legs, attempting to wrestle the gun away from him, and amid the tussle, Suliafu shot off two more rounds that became lodged in the ceiling, police said. The father was finally able to snatch the weapon away and unload it while fleeing, police added.

Unfortunately there’s no section here detailing the younger Suliafu’s thought process such as it was, so we don’t know what kind of wings dad brought home or whether or not the old man has a history of doing things like this just to mess with the poor kid.

Today In Bad Excuses For Worse Things

  • The reason I have this cell phone taped to my shoe is that the pants I’m wearing have big pocket holes that it always falls through, so that’s just the easiest way to carry it. I was absolutely not taking upskirt videos, in spite of the fact that you seem to have found some.

    During an interview at the police station, Bass denied taking inappropriate photographs.
    “I accidentally bumped into the lady, apologized and moved on,” Bass told Talamo, according to court papers.
    Bass also referenced being confronted by the customer about possibly “upskirting” the victim, which he denied doing, Talamo reported.
    “The pants I had on have big holes in the pockets where my cellphone will fall through. I had no intentions of doing anything, or did anything, like that,” Bass told Talamo, according to court documents.
    Talamo confiscated Bass’ iPhone, which was analyzed by the state attorney general’s office after police obtained a search warrant. Agents discovered during the analysis a file labelled “Murrysville” that showed inappropriate photographs of a second woman, police said.
    Police said the Sept. 9 video file shows Bass manipulating the angle of the cellphone taped to his shoe in the store immediately before the inappropriate video was taken.

  • That young girl absolutely did not see me polishing the old gearshift in mom’s sports car. What she saw was me playing a small guitar, which looks like the same thing. An honest mistake, I’m sure.

    A now 16-year-old girl testified that as she walked past the car in St Jude’s Parade, south Belfast, “a man just caught my eye”.
    “His seat was completely rolled back and I could see his bottom half, which was naked,” she said.
    “He had his pants down and he was rubbing his penis.”

    Under cross-examination by a barrister representing Anderson, it was suggested to the schoolgirl that she had “put two and two together and come up with six”.
    The teenager rejected this suggestion and said: “I know what I saw and I saw the lower half of his body.
    “I saw his hand and I saw him masturbating. I know I saw that.”
    Anderson claimed he had parked on St Jude’s Parade that afternoon as he was hoping to meet a friend who was rehearsing for a production in the Lyric Theatre.
    He said he was wearing red shorts as he planned to go training, and when that didn’t happen he parked up and spoke to friends on his phone.
    He said he then got his Baby Taylor guitar from the boot, smoked a cigarette and got back into the BMW where he started playing the guitar.
    Anderson said that playing his guitar would have produced a “similar motion” to masturbation, but said: “The bottom line is that I know for a fact I was not exposed and I was not masturbating in my mother’s car on that day.”

I Can’t Believe I’m Saying This, But PETA Might Be On To Something

It used to be that we wrote about the silly ass things PETA said with enough regularity that one day we decided it needed its own section. It has one, but nothing has been posted to it in nearly 12 years. Their dumb publicity stunts got old and we just stopped caring.

But today it comes back from the dead.

Yes, it’s just because they’re out here attention seeking again. They’re even basing their suggestion on a premise that isn’t really correct. But you know what? This one is just the right amount of goofy that I think it might end up growing on me.

As the World Series turns into a pitching duel, PETA is pitching a proposal to the baseball world: Strike out the word “bullpen,” which references the holding area where terrified bulls are kept before slaughter, in favor of a more modern, animal-friendly term. PETA’s suggestion? The arm barn!
“Words matter, and baseball ‘bullpens’ devalue talented players and mock the misery of sensitive animals,” says PETA Executive Vice President Tracy Reiman. “PETA encourages Major League Baseball coaches, announcers, players, and fans to changeup their language and embrace the ‘arm barn’ instead.”

Never mind that barns haven’t always been so great for animals over the years either or that it kind of sounds like bad things might be happening to people in there. A good idea is a good idea, and how can you not like the frigging arm barn!? You can’t not like it. You just can’t!

“Here comes Romano trotting in from the arm barn.”

Arm barn!

This Is So Convenient! Unless You Happen To Be Inconvenient

It’s so fantastically great when all you want to do is some regular people thing like travel or quickly buy something you need and the world tells you to go fuck yourself. The last time I had this experience was back at Christmas with Via Rail and its stupid un-staffed train station here in Kitchener (luckily it was full of a crowd we could follow that day), and now, if this asshole gets his way, I’m going to be having it a whole lot more. He’s trying to make convenience stores with no people in them into a thing, the fucking dick.

There isn’t a word here about accommodating disabled people, because of course there isn’t. There never is with any of this do it yourself crap. Everybody’s just supposed to be normal and if you’re not, tough shit.

Maybe tough shit is doable when there are other nearby options, but if this winds up in an area where you’re the only game in town for anyone without a car, a blind guy like me or somebody in a wheelchair who can’t reach everything is screwed. Ditto if these things become selling points in apartment buildings and wind up driving my rent up as a result even though I can’t use them.

Yes, I know there are helper apps. but not everybody has a smartphone, hard as that may be to believe. And lord only knows if they’ll even bother making the door opening app accessible, and at that point it doesn’t really matter how many minutes you paid Aira for this month. And even if you get in and have all of the minutes, you still may not have all of the connectivity. Even here in KW, home of eleventy billion tech companies, cell connections still routinely drop if you make the mistake of turning the wrong corner in the damn Walmart, fucking you anew.

It’s 2022. Inaccessibility should never be something that’s baked into your business from the ground up. We’re supposed to have learned so many things by now, or at least that’s what I’m told when I don’t just shut up and take whatever I’m being served straight up my arse.

New convenience stores are popping up in Toronto that are completely self-serve, have no cashiers and are open 24 hours a day.
If you want to get inside to buy something, you’ll need to download an app to your smartphone.
“The store is completely unmanned and cashierless and in order to get into the store you need to have the mobile app,” John Douang, CEO and President of Aisle 24, told CTV News Toronto.

Douang said that once you download the mobile app and create an account, you can get inside. Shoppers can then pick out what they want to buy, go to the checkout station, scan their items and make their payment.

Aisle 24 currently operates eight self serve stores in Ontario and Quebec, but has another 30 planned to be opened soon and hopes to open as many as 200 across Canada within two years.

Douang said he believes other retailers will also adopt this format.
“This type of technology and innovation is going to be prevalent in many different businesses in the future,” he said.

Nice To See The Police Beating Themselves For Once

Not sure what sort of medical condition it is that causes one to slap the suspect around at the park in the middle of the day while one is on duty and has one’s uniform on, but apparently it exists.

A serving PCSO from the Met Police has admitted masturbating in a south London park.
Croydon Magistrates’ Court heard Kevin Phillips, 56, blamed the incident on stress and a medical condition.
Phillips was charged with outraging public decency after being caught committing the act while wearing his uniform in Dog Kennel Hill park in East Dulwich.
A member of the public filmed him, with the video viewed thousands of times after being shared online.
The court heard Phillips, who works in the Met’s Roads and Transport Policing Command, admitted the offence when questioned after the incident on Wednesday.

A sentencing hearing has yet to be scheduled. In the meantime, Phillips is free on bail and banned from being in a park or recreation area in England or Wales.

Is That A Truck?

I AM BLOCKING TRAFFIC WITH MY TRUCK TO SEND A MESSAGE: I HAVE A TRUCK
This was written during America’s dumb truck convoys, but if you take away the self-awareness at the end, it would fit perfectly into what happened in Ottawa a couple months ago. Just a bunch of goobers doin’ stuff at the behest of some really awful people. Some of ’em know it, some of ’em don’t. But they all have trucks. And hey, that’s something. Onward! Honkity honk honk government bad! Yay trucks!

I have decided to drive very slowly in my truck. I may even put my truck in park, right here in the middle of the road. I am going to cause a traffic jam with my truck. Why am I blocking traffic with my truck? I am blocking traffic with my truck to send a message, and that message is this: I have a truck.

I used to have some other messages—they all involved the government capitulating to my demands. But the government already mostly capitulated, without my ever having to make demands. So now I am sitting in standstill traffic that I am actively causing with my truck because I want to say one thing loud and clear: I have a truck.
I may be alone inside my truck, but I am not alone on the road I am blocking with my truck. Some of my friends and coworkers are doing the same thing with their own trucks. They are also driving slowly in their trucks, because they have a message too. We all have a message we are sending with our trucks, and our collective message is this: we all have trucks.
We have other collective messages we are sending with our trucks. But those messages vary in subject and scope, and many no longer apply to the current situation of our country. So we are focused on slowly driving our trucks to send the one message we all agree on: we each have a truck.

Watch Where You Put That Feather


I don’t watch the show, so someone more qualified is going to have to decide if this is the worst round of Wheel of Fortune ever played. Holy crap, though. The wheel really did not like those fellas, and that woman’s puzzle solving…what even was that? Hat? Fine. I’ll give her that one. Pretty sure I’ve even heard people say hat instead of cap when they use the expression. But after that she was totally lost…map or no map.

All Of The Sushi

I totally identify with this song. I never thought I would like sushi, but slowly I started to realize that yup, I sure do. But Steve is not a fan. So if I want it, I just have to order one of those wee boxes. Or sometimes I go out with friends who like it. But then poor Steve doesn’t go, because we go to sushi places. We need to pick sushi places that have other stuff so Steve can come too.

I’m the weirdest with sushi. I like going with other people who know more of what they’re doing than I do. And I don’t like wasabi. So maybe I’m a mediocre sushi fan. I just can’t do the wasabi thing right. Maybe it’s because of the first time I tried it. I had no idea what it was, got a big ol’ glob, and…yeeeeeesh! Now I just avoid the stuff.

I’m also having another old person moment because I don’t know the song this one is parodying. When I finally hear it, I’ll go “Ooo! A parody of the sushi song!” Um…nope. I do know it will be in my head and make me think about sushi way too much.