Another Reason To Just Wear Your Mask And Shut The Hell UP

If you don’t, you might just wind up having to serve the 25 years for murder that you’ve spent the last couple of decades successfully avoiding.

Police in Poland have arrested a convicted murderer who had been on the run for 20 years because he was not wearing a face mask.
Warsaw police said they had detained the 45-year-old fugitive at a shop northeast of the capital.
“The man was stopped by police in the Bielany district because he did not have a mask,” sub-inspector Elwira Kozlowska told AFP on Tuesday.
The man has now been transported to a prison where he is due to serve a 25-year sentence for murder.

Who’s On Fox?

Going to go out on a limb and guess that this was the smartest conversation on Fox News all day.

I’m curious whether or not Laura Ingraham is familiar with Abbott and Costello. Probably not. I doubt they ever talked about her.

“Can I Bring This In Here?” “Neigh Neigh.”

I’m so sick. Please, get me to a hospital right away. But first, bring me a stuffed toy, a knife and some ivermectin.

A COVID-19 patient tried to sneak the anti-parasite drug ivermectin into Windsor Regional Hospital by hiding it inside a stuffed animal, according to an internal memo sent to staff at the Ontario hospital on Friday. 
David Musyj, the hospital’s chief executive officer, wrote that the adult patient brought the stuffed animal to the intensive-care unit. 
“As the staff member was collecting the patient’s personal belonging, the staff noticed a slit in the stuffed animal. Inside of it was Ivermectin,” wrote Musyj in the memo obtained by CBC News. 
A spokesperson for the hospital confirmed the memo was authentic, and said the hospital would not comment further on the matter.

For the record, our hero doesn’t even get the sense of humour points for smuggling it in a horse. According to the photos in the article which I’m not sure I’m allowed to repost so I’m not going to, it was a dog.

I’m In Fish

If you’ve ever heard the term no-win situation and aren’t quite sure what it means, it’s this. Diving into the water to escape a giant swarm of bees is a perfectly sensible thing to do. The fact that the lake full of piranhas had other plans for you is out of your hands.

The incident unfolded on Sunday at a lake on a farm in a rural area of Brasilândia de Minas, local media reported.
According to the local fire department, the 30-year-old man and his two friends were fishing at the lake when they were attacked by a huge swarm of bees.

In an attempt to escape the bees, the three fishermen jumped into the lake. Two of the men managed to swim to safety, but their friend was nowhere to be found.

Officers managed to recovered the man’s body 4m from the shoreline after hours of searching.
The fire department reported the fish had “torn open several parts of the body and tore open the right side of the face”.

If You Can Walk Around Offering People Nuts, I Can Too

Let’s get the good news out of the way first. Samson Hardridge is a pretty cool name. Unfortunately, the “Hard” part looks like it may be a little too on the nose.

According to the complaint, Friday’s incident began when passenger Samson Hardridge, 33, of Lancaster, Calif., got up during the flight to use the lavatory at the back of the plane. A flight attendant asked him to stand in the aisle because space was tight in the galley.
At that point, according to the complaint, Hardridge had his hands in his pants and asked if the flight attendant wanted to see his genitals. The answer was no. Despite a reminder to stay in the aisle, he “proceeded to the aft galley door of the aircraft and began urinating in the corner of the aircraft,” the complaint said.

Hardridge grew “hostile” when another flight attendant told him he couldn’t relieve himself there and when he was asked to clean up the mess.
The flight attendant “felt as if Hardridge was going to attack” them as he yelled and threatened them, calling them profane names and invading their personal space. According to the complaint, the first flight attendant “feared for their life.”

The plane was diverted and Hardridge was arrested. Depending on what he winds up being officially charged with, he could face up to 20 years in prison if convicted.

Hell of a way to vaporize two decades of your life.

Dude, Where’s My Car? Yours Is Wedged In That House Over There

The closest I’ve ever come to a frantic late night search for a car is that time we couldn’t get a damn taxi for hours after a night out. But at no point during that entire ordeal did the idea of stealing another car so I could search for one, getting it stuck on some train tracks, nearly getting killed when the inevitable happens, damaging a house when the inevitable turns the unfortunate vehicle into a projectile, vandalizing a fruit stand, trying to drive off in a forklift and then flagging down a policeman to let him know that this town needs more cabs ever cross my mind. But I was in Guelph, not Florida.

NO TITLE COULD EXPLAIN THIS CASE, BUT THE DETAILS WILL…WELL, IT’S BEST TO JUST READ ON
TRAIN vs VEHICLE vs HOUSE
38-year old Bradford Weitzel, of Port St. Lucie, told Martin County Sheriff’s Detectives that he couldn’t find his car after leaving a Martin County bar early this morning, so he stole one in a good faith effort to locate his own. He said he somehow ended up on the train tracks along Indian River Drive. That’s when Weitzel claims the vehicle he stole suddenly stopped dead on the tracks as a train was coming. So he said he got out and ran, leaving the car on the tracks. Within seconds, the train hit the car, catapulting it into a nearby home where the homeowners were sound asleep. Fortunately, they were not physically injured, although the explosive sound of a driverless car smashing into the side of their home was clearly jolting. Meanwhile, Weitzel continued on to a nearby fruit stand, where he vandalized the business then tried to steal a forklift. In the end, Weitzel said he thought it was best to flag down the responding deputies to let them know he was still looking for his car.
Bradford Weitzel was arrested and charged with Grand Theft, and Criminal Mischief. Additional charges are expected.
We told you a title was not possible.

Have You Ever Thought About Making This Place Into An Airbnb? Here’s Some Cash To Get You Started. Sorry About The Window

Not sure about you guys, but unless this is one of those drunken wrong house situations, if I’m the police I’m asking questions about where a guy who needs to break into a stranger’s place for a snack, a drink, a bath and a nap got $200 worth of apology money. There might be more crimes here than meet the eye.

The man, later identified as 34-year-old Teral Christesson, slept, drank beer, ate shrimp, and bathed inside the Santa Fe property last Sunday morning, police said, per The Santa Fe New Mexican.
When the homeowners returned to the property in the afternoon, the media outlet added, they found Christesson in their house with a duffel bag and an AR-15 scoped rifle.
The homeowners reportedly told police that the suspected burglar was “extremely embarrassed and apologetic” when confronted by them.
Before Christesson vacated the property, the Alberquerque Journal reported that he placed $200 on a living room chair as a “reimbursement for the window he broke.”
He then picked up his gun and bag and left, the media outlet said.

Police caught up with Christesson the next day while he was out at McDonald’s supporting my more crimes than meet the eye theory (A.K.A. attempting to jack a car).

While talking to police, he told them that he “felt bad” about breaking the window.

They still charged him with aggravated burglary, larceny, and criminal damage to a property.

Anti-mask Airplane Arrest, The One Minute Musical

This is one of the more enjoyable minutes I’ve spent with an anti-masker.

And here’s the full 14 minutes of her rambling, crying and getting arrested.

Probably an unpopular opinion in some circles, but this is making me miss binging episodes of COPS. Yes, I know it’s on a streaming service now. No, I am not subscribing just to watch it.

By the way, is there a male equivalent to Karen? I’ve done my own research anti-vax style (how’s it goin’, first page of Google), and the two names that come up most are Ken and Terry. I would have thought maybe Kevin, but I’m not basing that on anything other than the similar way it comes off the tongue.

This Is Bob. I’m Lost In The Snow Right Now, So Please Introduce Yourself And Try Calling Again Later

Listen. I really do not enjoy being on the phone. If I have a reason to not take a call, I am taking advantage of that reason nearly 100 percent of the time. So with that said, I really tried going into this story with an open mind. Honest, I did. But dear god, you fucking geek. I’m happy you found your way home, but come on, man. Even I would risk an air duct guy or a long winded friend with a new number in this situation.

At approximately 2000 on October 18th LCSAR was called out for an overdue hiker on Mount Elbert. The reporting party reported the subject had started hiking Mount Elbert from the South Trailhead at 0900 that morning, and had not returned by 2000 that evening. Multiple attempts to contact the subject via their cell phone were unsuccessful. 5 LCSAR members deployed at 2200 to search high probability areas on Mount Elbert, but did not locate the subject, and left the field at approximately 0300 on the 19th. At approximately 0700 on the 19th, a team of 3 LCSAR members began the search in a new area where hikers typically lose the trail. At approximately 0930 the reporting party reported the subject had returned to their place of lodging. All personnel were out of the field by 1000.
The subject stated they’d lost the trail around nightfall and spent the night searching for the trail, and once on the trail, bounced around onto different trails trying to locate the proper trailhead, finally reaching their car the next morning, approximately 24 hours after they’d started their hike. They had no idea that SAR was out looking for them.
One notable take-away is that the subject ignored repeated phone calls from us because they didn’t recognize the number. If you’re overdue according to your itinerary, and you start getting repeated calls from an unknown number, please answer the phone; it may be a SAR team trying to confirm you’re safe!