No Wonder You’re Going Round And Round


I woke up with this in my head today. I don’t know why. But I suppose if you’ve got to have a random tune in your head you could do a whole lot worse than this one. Man, what a banger. A banger that I just realized is like 28 years old. Jesus. Give me a second.

Anyway, what was my point?

Right.

Even though I’ve known this song for decades, I’ve never been able to shake one little thing about it. It is called Toy Train. Obviously, “Toy Train” are the words being sung in the choruses. I know this. But every time it comes on, my ears and my logic get into an argument because it really sounds like he’s saying “toilet train”.

Just me?

This Means War…Or Something

Yes, Christmas is over. but I just saw…whatever the fuck this is and I just had to share it.

Apparently this was sparked, so to speak, by somebody who may have been a mentally ill homeless person setting one of Fox News’ Christmas trees on fire. But to the folks at Fox, it was so much more than that. It was a hate crime against Christianity and Fox News, and another shot fired in the war on Christmas. So sad and outraged were the Foxes that they started calling it the All American Christmas Tree and held tributes to it, including the one above where Reverend Jacques DeGraff gave that speech.

What I want to know is how anyone can tell the difference between a mentally ill homeless person and your average Fox News contributor. A pretty thin line, that one.

The network’s outrage crescendoed on Thursday when a Fox News contributor compared event, which caused a grand total of zero injuries, to the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor on Dec. 7, 1941, which killed 2,403 American military personnel and 68 civilians.
The Five on Thursday broadcast a much-hyped lighting ceremony for the rebuilt tree, during which contributor Rev. Jacques DeGraff got so caught up in the moment that he was compelled to reach back into history for a comparison. “Somebody asked me why are you here,” DeGraff called out. “I’m here because these colors don’t run! Eighty years ago this week, they tried to extinguish the darkness in a place called Pearl Harbor. We didn’t fold then, and we won’t fold now because we have come this far by faith!”

Anyone Who Cares What Colour Your Texts Are Isn’t A Person You Want To Talk To Anyway, Kids

I don’t know if I’m old and tired of everyone or just have enough things to do/worry about on the average day, but this pissing match Google and Apple are having about what colour people’s messages are in group chats should win a who gives a swirling, bubbling shit award. Oh, and anyone who bullies a person for using the wrong phone and thus being the wrong colour when they talk can also fuck right off, preferably in the direction of a cliff’s edge.

Honestly, why does anyone care about any of this? “Does the system fucking work so that we can all goddamn communicate when we need to?” should be the only question on anybody’s mind here. Blue, green, marketing strategies, competing messaging standards…bite my ass, one and all.

Google has accused Apple of benefiting from bullying as part of a deliberate strategy to make Android users into second-class citizens on the iPhone-maker’s iMessage service.
Apple’s messaging service includes a number of iOS-exclusive features, like Memoji, and famously turns texts from Android users green instead of the iOS-native blue. This has turned iMessage into a status symbol among US teens, creating peer pressure for young people to buy iPhones and sometimes leading to the ostracization of Android users. Showing up in a group chat as a green bubble has become, for some, a social faux pas.

Nothing’s For Sure, That’s For Sure

Ontario’s top doctor says he ‘can’t guarantee’ that businesses will reopen on Jan. 26
Some days I wonder if anyone has learned a thing during the nearly two damn years that we’ve been dealing with COVID. I know we all want to see it over with for a lot of reasons, but by now we should have figured out that all of this rush rush rush to open everything up only makes sure that we’re going to have to shut it all down again. Similarly, the rush rush rush to ditch all of the financial help only makes the sting of pulling back worse when the inevitable happens.

No government should be guaranteeing anything to anyone at this point. It never ends well. This should neither be rocket science nor a revolutionary concept. Nor should anyone be in a position to have to worry about it. In a rich country like Canada, there’s no excuse for not having some sort of basic income that everyone can fall back on instead of having to navigate an ever changing patchwork of programs. This was a good idea two years ago, and it’s an even better one now. You can’t tell me that our reality hasn’t shown this to be true over and over again. We shouldn’t be fretting about the future of the sandwich shack. It should be able to stay comfortably closed while we sort out how to empty out the hospitals and keep schools open for more than a couple months at a time. It would be great if all of the various Chambers of Commerce and such could be just as loud about that as they are about wishing for certainty where none can exist.

Moore’s comments come after the Ontario Chamber of Commerce called on the province to provide clarity on what public health metrics are used to guide the government’s decisions to impose and lift restrictions.
President and CEO Rocco Rossi said in a statement issued Thursday that because the province has announced that schools will return on Monday, business owners need to know if they can reopen on Jan. 26.
“We implore the government to immediately clarify if Ontario will be moving out of Stage 2 of its Roadmap to Reopen plan so employers, workers and families can plan accordingly,” Rossi said.
“To help reduce business uncertainty, we continue to call for transparency and visibility into the metrics guiding the imposition or removal of public health restrictions.”

Would You Like Freeze With That?

‘Bundle up’: Restaurants reopen patios due to restrictions on indoor dining
This is an article from this month. This month is January, in case you’re reading this later.

I understand that businesses are having to do what they have to do to keep going, but what I don’t get is how and why in the hell this particular strategy actually seems to be working.

My main goal in winter is to not be outside. When I fail at that, it’s to get back inside as soon as possible. So I would really have to hate where I live for sitting on a Canadian patio in January to look like a reasonable alternative to delivery, either that or be drunk to the point that I am no longer capable of feeling cold weather. I hope never to attain such a level of drunkenness, because I know me, and the reason I would no longer be feeling the cold weather is because I would be dead.

And please, stop with this we’re Canadian so its nice to get out and enjoy the weather business. That’s like saying “we’re from Florida
, so it’s great to have the alligators shear off our arms and legs.”

For the economy’s sake I suppose it’s nice that there are enough maniacs out there to make this viable, but on the other hand, that’s a lot of maniacs.

Now, some Waterloo Region restaurants are hoping to bring people out by reopening their patios.
“Bundle up. We are also looking at getting some blankets to provide,” said Bill Siegfried, the vice president at Moose Winooskis in Kitchener.
To encourage more patio patrons, Moose Winooskis also has two 16-foot heaters and eight standing mushroom heaters.
Staff say so far It’s been working and they have had tables dining outdoors.
“I’m gonna say about 20 in total yesterday. We had three tables today for lunch,” said Siegfried.
According to the new rules laid out by the province, tables are to be capped at 10 people.
“It’s nice. We’re Canadian. So, you get to be outside and enjoy the weather while you can,” said Adam Cole, the manager at Prohibition Warehouse and Kentucky Bourbon in Waterloo.

There Are Number 1s Right In Your Phone Number. I Thought You Could Help

Today’s…uh…piss poor reason for calling 911. I’m caught in slow moving traffic and I really need to take a wiz. Please send the police.

When the 38-second call begins, the operator asks the man if he needs police, fire or ambulance.

He first says he needs an ambulance, but then tells the operator he actually needs police. 
“The thing is I have to pee and these guy are not moving,” the caller tells the operator. 
“This is your emergency?” the operator responds. “That you have to pee? And how are the police going to help you urinate?”

The caller then repeats to the operator that he has to pee.
“I have to pee, man,” the caller says.
“I’m not sure what you’d like me to do if you have to urinate, I can’t help you with that,” the operator says before disconnecting the call.

Give Me Those Keys

Some days it really irritates me that guys like this get to drive and I don’t. Really, how much more dangerous could I possibly be? I’d even stick my cane out the window so I could sweep for obstacles if it would make people feel better.

Halton police has charged a Waterdown man for playing the flute while driving in Burlington, Ont.
Const. Steve Elms said the driver, in his 40s, was stopped at a red light playing his flute with both hands.
Elms said the light turned green and the man started driving — while still playing the flute.
A tweet from Halton police stated the man was following along to a song playing on his iPod.

No, they didn’t say what song it was. I’m annoyed by that, too.

Let Me Warm That UP For You

If nobody has, somebody needs to come up with a microwave for the car. I feel like it would save a lot of people, such as poor Zayveon Johnson here, a whole lot of trouble. It might give us one less gimmick to run the site on, but holy crap I think I’m fine with that.

As detailed in a criminal complaint, Pritchett was involved in a “verbal altercation” with customer Zayveon Johnson over “food obtained in the Wendy’s drive-thru.” Johnson, cops say, contended that the items he received were cold.
A police review of store surveillance footage showed that while Pritchett was “conducting a cash refund,” he returned to the restaurant’s kitchen “to obtain the hot oil in a metal pan.” The scalding oil apparently was taken from a deep fryer.
Upon returning to the drive-thru window, Pritchett “doused Mr. Johnson with the hot oil,” according to an affidavit sworn by Ethan Parham, a Huntingdon Police Department officer. Johnson, 23, was treated at a local hospital for “burns on his left side and arm, which showed obvious, extensive blistering.”

Pritchett is Demarrus Pritchett, a 21-year-old shift manager at the restaurant.

When spoken to by police, he admitted that he had dumped the oil on Johnson, but said that he did it because Johnson had been harassing him about dogs for weeks.

He has been charged with aggravated assault.

No further information is available about what the hell is up with these supposed dogs.