Oompa, Loompa, Loompady Doo, I Am A Freakoid Coming For You

Huh? Why did she let him into her house at 3 in the morning if she never talked to him except online and he called with a strange request to sleep somewhere else? And…hoola hoops and hay? And…pink glitter? We’re developing a set of cases for the What the Fuck Department. bongo drum teddy bear plant stand shrines, stuffed dog-screwing drunken men passing out in boats, women clad in shirts and underwear screaming about going to Egypt while strangling sleeping in-laws, and now depraved oompa loompas! What is this world coming to?

Hold The Phone!

Woe! Something is afoot in telemarketing land. Something is changing! Why? Because Two telemarketers called us, and both of them gave up without a fight! That never happens.

The first one called from MBNA. I told him that we weren’t interested in their credit card, we already had one, and he just said, “You have a nice day, ma’am.” There was no searching through the script, no arguing, nothing. He took no for what it was, and let me go.

But this was the best one. I got a call from some Lukemia foundation. They told me they called me once a year looking for money. But they made a big mistake. They started talking about a little kid named Hannah who was eleven months old and needed help. I promptly told him that I remembered him calling three times this year, and each time, Hannah was still 11 months old, and what was up with that? And as suddenly as he had appeared, he was gone! There was no goodbye, no sorry to bother you. He just slammed the release buttone and headed for the hills! What? Am I that scary?

I wonder what’s up with that. This is definitely an interesting new trend. I wonder how long it will go on before they go the other way and get super pushy and I’ll have to hang up on them. God, telemarketers suck. At least right now, they’re easy to deal with.

The Monkeysphere

I’ve been meaning to link to this for a while because I think it’s an interesting concept. Since I can’t seem to come up with anything else meaningful to say, I guess now’s the time to get the link up here.

There’s an interesting article that tries to explain why we humans have a tendency to be pricks to people we don’t know. It’s because they aren’t in ourmonkeysphere.

What the hell’s a monkeysphere? Well, it’s the number of monkeys that monkey brains can perceive as members of their species worth caring about, and according to this theory, it tops out at about 150. Since our brains are pretty close cousins to theirs, the theory says we have about the same limitations. So, how do we perceive the rest of the humans around us? Well, we can’t really consider them to be truly human. It’s an interesting idea to twist your monkey brain around, and it’s funny, so go read it. Hopefully I’ll be able to twist my monkey brain into writing something funny to put up here tomorrow.

>Sticking Points

>I don’t know how I feel about this one. I’m completely and utterly torn. Juliana Cumbo worked to become an accupuncturist. She’s passed the board exams and has done tons of practical work. But the board of acupuncturists in Texas refuse to grant her a license. Why? She’s blind, so they’re scared that she won’t be able to find the points or notice bleeding if it happens.

I’d be with them, except for that whole part about her having experience and passing the board exams. I’ve got news for them. Sighted folk screw up more than they’d like to admit. The truth is she’s probably worked harder than lots of people to make sure she’s got it right. If I actually wanted to have someone stick needles in me, I’d just want to make sure whoever I got was good. I’d probably have a few extra questions for her, even being blind myself, but if I could be convinced that she was good and I would be safe, then she can go ahead.

But here’s the part where I get worried. If they don’t grant her license, she’s thinking about suing on the grounds of ADA, which she seems to have the right to do. But I’m worried that will push things in the other direction, and make everybody scared to refuse people where there is a case for refusal.

Ug. Why can’t people keep an open mind so this lawsuit crap doesn’t have to happen?

I guess It Was His Time Then

What a strange story, complete with strange name. Sevan Kavorkian decided to hang himself. His girlfriend found him, cut him down and revived him. He started beating the everloving hell out of her, a man climbed through a window to save her, put Kavorkian in a sleeper hold, and this killed him. What a strange chain of events that’s guaranteed to leave a lot of people screwed up for a long time.

I’m Not A Scout, So I Don’t Need Honour.

I’ve learned two things from this story. 1. If you find yourself in Florida with the urge to steal money from someone, make sure you just don’t take it by force or directly from their hands. So if you can distract them, that envelope of girl scout cookie money is fair game.
2. There are two sociopaths in training in the town of Boynton Beach. Yep. The two 17-year-olds who robbed the nine-year-old Girl Scout openly said they’re not sorry, and just pissed that they got caught. I wish they’d turned 18 so their names could get plastered everywhere.

At least the one kid’s dad had enough sense to pay the money back. I hope he’s ashamed of the monster that is his daughter. Not only did she steal from the poor little kid, she came back the next day and taunted her! I guess it worked out for the little girl, she got extra money from the supermarket where the assholes robbed her. But I don’t know if money will fix the damage that I’m sure those kids caused. I mean, they robbed her right in front of her mother!

I hope to hell they don’t get off easy just because they’re minors. With attitudes like that, they don’t deserve a chance. They deserve some serious punishment.

I Wish This Wasn’t True

Oh my lord. When Steve put up that link to the video about the Kid Bankrupting the Make A Wish Foundation, did anyone actually think it was true? In case you did, it’s a joke. J o k e! It’s Satire! But a lot of people missed it, so much so that Snopes is talking about it. It even says in the emails they’re receiving that the person has never heard of the Today Now! show, and they’re not sure if it’s real. Hmm. That would be your first clue that it’s a spoof.

I don’t know if this is a complement to the Onion’s skilled production work, or a disturbing sign that our collective IQ is dropping like a rock. I guess we can choose how we want to look at it.