I Can See Burnt Toast!

Here’s a dumb invention for you. a transparent toaster. Yup. Now, instead of setting your toaster and doing other things until it pops, you have to stand there and watch your toast for it to reach its desired brownness, and then pop it. And here’s the kicker. You can only do one slice at a time! So if you really must watch your toast brown, you can forget about making a sandwich, because when you finish toasting your second slice of bread, your first one’s cold! Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

Are people really that anal about their toast? I can’t believe enough people thought this was such a good idea that they went and invented it.

What a Boob! And I’m Not Talking About The Mannequin

Ok, I love this story, both because it involves a guy getting his weener stuck in a mannequin’s boobs, and because British writing is some beautiful stuff. How often do you see the word “whinging” in a news article?

Yup, this guy bought a plastic model of a female bust, sold by a company who makes stuff to be used in display windows in stores. He somehow thought it was a sex toy, and got Mr. Happy stuck in a 24-mm hole in the thing. It’s a set of boobs! He then had to get himself out of the tight spot using big scissors, and before he managed to free Willie, he worried he’d have to call in the firefighters.

I guess, after that point, too much blood flowed to his second head, because he phoned the company demanding a refund and saying they should warn people that these aren’t adult toys. AT least they had the sense to tell him he wasn’t getting any money, but they are wondering if they’d have to put warnings on the mannequins!

Why in hell didn’t the dude realize that he was lucky to get out of having a fire brigade laugh their asses off at him while freeing his imprisoned dick and just slink back into the shadows? Why did he then call the company wanting his money back? Oh yeah. He was so stupid that he stuck his privates in an artificial set of boobs. How could I expect him to do something smart now?

If The Name Fits…

We’re just full of good names today. In a story about a guy who was acquitted of a murder because some evidence wasn’t revealed at the time, the prosecutor’s name was Rob Junk. Well, I guess that’s what his case is now.

Moving right along, in a case where a guy tracked down a man who used to sexually abuse him, peed on his front lawn and then thwonked him with a hoe, the prosecutor’s name was Luke Manhood.

Next, we have a Polish researcher talking about the attractiveness of women’s legs, Dr. Boguslaw Pawlowski. Hope people don’t think his research is bogus too.

That’s all I’ve got for names today. For some reason I thought I had a fourth one. Oh well, it’s not often you see three in one day.

The Guide Dog Podcast

This is the coolest thing. Guide Dogs for the Blind, where I got my Trixie-pup, has started making a guidedog podcast! I think it will teach a lot of folks all the things I always get asked, like how long training goes, what all the steps are, etc. Not that I mind answering, but it’s nice to have the head of a department answering those questions for me. And this episode is just funny, because they’re talking about breeding, and when two grown, respectable women can become giggling little girls when trying to talk about dog-breeding, you know there are certain subjects where we just don’t grow up.

It’s not clear how often more episodes will be added, so go check it out from time to time. You never know what you will learn!

Stars Are Blind

this is right up there with
the fire that stopped production of fireproof products a couple years back.

We regret to announce that due to unforeseen circumstances beyond our control, the publication of The Astrological Magazine will cease with the December 2007 issue.

All unexpired subsription amounts will be refunded shortly. We thank all our subscribers for their kind co-operation in this matter

From the looks of that notice, the stars apparently didn’t see a proofreader either.

If You Happen To Know The Answer, You Don’t Have To Explain How

If you go to the hospital for a few stitches because you took a wack on the head, what legitimate medical reason is there for the doctors to
give you a rectal exam, especially when you’re completely alert and otherwise ok?

If you know the answer to this question, something tells me that Brian Persaud of Brooklyn New York would like to talk to you.

This Is So Stupid I Don’t Have A Title For It

An unidentified 22-year-old Town of Waukesha man could soon be facing various weapons charges after committing
one of the stupidest crimes in recent memory.

The trouble started on New Year’s day when a car carrying the man and 2 passengers went into a ditch. A passing police officer offered assistance and allowed the man to sit in her squad car to keep warm. While inside, he decided to reach through the cage and snatch the woman’s Taser from the seat.

But wait, there’s more.

The officer, after taking identification from all 3 of the car’s occupants, gave them a lift to a nearby gas station so that they could wait for a ride.

Yes…there’s more.

Once the man made it home with Taser in hand, he shot a video of himself and his 41-year-old father using it on each other and then posted it to YouTube. It was discovered and removed from the site a day later, but now the police want him charged with disarming a peace officer and possession of an electric weapon which are both felonies, along with carrying a concealed electronic weapon and theft, both misdemeanors.

So let’s recap. Police officer does her job. Douchebag hands over his ID which I assume has his picture on it and then decides to pilfer a Taser out of her car. He then does what any master criminal would do, videotapes himself using it. Then, in one final act of utter retardedness, he posts it on the world’s most popular video sharing site for all to see, presumably figuring that nobody will ever find it there.

Yeah, stupid.

But now that I think about it, things could be worse. He could try to turn around and sue the officer and her department for tempting him to take the thing. Hey,
that sort of thing has worked before.