The Wheels On the Bus Go…Something Something Something

Last Updated on: 23rd September 2013, 03:18 pm

There’s a part of me that wonders if this is a hoax, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years it’s not to assume that things this stupid are impossible, so…

Stagecoach has put together a book of instructions for people who have forgotten how to catch and use busses because they’ve spent so much time using their cars.

Since adequate words to describe the sheer stupidity at work here are currently eluding me, here’s a small sample of the helpful tidbits found within.

The guide begins reassuringly with: “Using the bus could not be easier.”

Passengers should “first of all decide on what bus you need” and once the right bus has been spotted, with the “number and destination on the front”, one should then “signal for the driver to stop”.

The guide continues: “Wait until the bus is stopped and the doors are fully opened and step on board.

“When you want to get off, press the bell once. For your safety we recommend you remain seated until the bus has arrived at the stop.”


When asked to comment on the book, company spokesman Steven Stewart had this to say:

“Our guide is not designed to be patronising, it’s just answering questions that cause fear and uncertainty when people are thinking of getting a bus.”

I don’t know about the rest of you, but the only fear and uncertainty I’m feeling right now is over the realization that not only did somebody think the world needed a book like this, but there are people roaming loose among us who will probably find it useful.

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