Calling Officer Bigballs

Here’s another one for the British police are screwed up files.

It all started when Daniel Horne was out with some friends, and got a flat tire. He got out of the car, and started walking down the road looking for help. Someone thought he stole the car, so called the police, and they came in a big hurry. The car came onto the sidewalk and ran over Horne’s foot.

The police officer quickly figured out the root of the misunderstanding, apologized, took Horne to the hospital and stayed with him through the whole ordeal. He even drove him home afterwards. Then, he looked at him, and said, “I’m sorry, but I have to do this to cover myself,” and wrote him out a ticket for 80 pounds for denting his car!

Pardon? That police officer has to have the biggest balls in the universe! He drove his cruiser up onto the sidewalk, crushed this guy’s foot, the guy’s foot is still severely messed up and is in a special cast, the guy can’t work because of his injury, and now the cop is charging the guy for denting his poor vehicle? Wow.

Thankfully, Horne is fighting the fine and suing the station because he can’t work because of the damage to his foot. I hope he wins, and that police officer gets fired!

Contraband Broccoli?

This story makes me giggle. I saw it a month ago, but it didn’t push the right buttons then. Today, it does. Sadly, I had to get the link for it out of the google cashe because it has fallen off the original page where it was found. Yea google cache.

It all starts with two dumbasses: one buying drugs and one selling them. Our dumbass buyer, Matthew Dietrich, meets up with the seller, Christopher Kratz, behind a Walgreens. He hands him $500 and gets handed what he thinks is a pound of marijuana. But alass, it is only broccoli, and not even well-disguised broccoli at that!

This pisses him off enough to call 911. But he doesn’t want to say that he was sold drugs that weren’t even drugs, So, he says that he was robbed and roughed up, and gives a description of the car Kratz was driving. Kratz is promptly pulled over and Dietrich identifies him.

As they’re driving to the station, Kratz decides he should tell the police what really happened. I guess he thought selling broccoli wasn’t a crime, so that would be the best thing to do. So he tells them that it was only broccoli. He then finds out that it is in fact a crime to sell something and claim it’s something it isn’t. And Dietrich finds out it’s a crime to call 911 and make false reports. Our two dumbasses both learn something.

This story reminds me of one a friend told me. He was sitting with two people, and they were approached by someone who claimed to be selling cartons of cheap cigarettes from the native reserve nearby. The dumbass in this story thought it would be great to get some, and waited for the salesman to return with the goods. He did, and seemed to be in one hell of a hurry to get the transaction over with and be gone. He ordered that the guy throw the money in a paper bag, quick, because the police were hot on his tail! He handed my friend’s friend the supposed goods, which the poor unfortunate soul found out were nothing more than a couple of phone books. He was going to call the police, but his wife told him to just shut up and accept that he’d been screwed and move on with his life because no good would come of telling the cops he tried to buy illegal smokes and got taken. AT least someone had some sense in the room.

God, some people are dumb. Well, if nothing else, they amuse the rest of us.

6 Candidates, 2 Hours, Lots Of Confused Voters

This morning, our local candidates were on the radio participating in yet another debate. Since we missed all the other ones, we decided to listen to this one so we would have a hope of choosing the right person to vote for. As we sat here, we noticed more and more stuff that we thought deserved a blog post. So, here were our observations as the debate went along.

Before we get started, let’s name the players. We have our current MPP, Liz Sandals of the Liberal party. Next, we have Bob Senechal representing the conservatives. Karan Mann-bowers is running for the NDP. Then, we have Ben Polley for the greens. Rounding out the field are Drew Garvie for the communist Party and John Gots for the Family Coalition. Now, on with the show!

Jesus lord! out of the six candidates, three of them said nucular when talking about nuclear energy. hello, it’s pronounced nuclear! Nuclear! Clear! Let’s not talk like George W. Bush!

Poor Liz Sandals. She can’t pronounce turbine. She kept referring to them as wind turbins. She even talked about “turbin farms.” So there are people busy making those bandana things for people’s heads? What are they growing them out of?

A note to John Gots: John, your microphone please. Man oh man, it was hard to pay attention to what this guy had to say because he would a. mumble, b. cause his microphone to squeak and thump by playing with it, and c. just not make sense when you could make him out. We were dreading when it was his turn to speak. We wanted him to have the first closing statement so we could get him out of the way!

When we could pay attention to him, he wasted no time pissing us off. There was a question raised about what was going to be done to remedy the problem of Ontario Disability Support Program recipients living below the poverty line. This asshole had the audacity to say that it had to be mandated that people with disabilities must contribute to society. hello! We already are! Most of the ones we know are doing their damnedest to do so. It just shows what he thinks of us as a group, or at the very least, what he knows about us. He certainly didn’t win either of our votes with that little gem of a sentence. Many of us don’t need to be told to contribute to society. Besides, the disabled voter is already talked down to enough, thank you very much, Mr. Gots.

Wow, John Gots isn’t really aiming to win over people who already have their doubts about him. Not sure whether that shows balls or stupidity. In a discussion of what to do about Aboriginal land claims, one of the few phrases that came out of his mouth that we could make out was something about us needing to use the law of the land to solve this problem. Um, pretty sure aboriginal people understand the law of the land there big guy. It doesn’t really work in their favour. It used to, and then the white people came along, and…

Moving on from poor old John Gotts, let’s hammer poor Drew Garvie for a while. If you’re low on votes, the least you can do is present yourself as a confident speaker. He did say a couple of things that were cool among the um’s and uh’s and er’s though, so it wasn’t a total loss. Not sure if either of us would do much better if put into the same situation, but if we were going to be, we’d practice until we were at least half-way good. All that stammering is distracting, and it takes away from the point you’re trying to get across.

Ben Polley, on the other hand, is a good talker. I think he could take all of them to school on how to speak well. When everybody was caught off guard by some of the questions, he was the only one who consistently recovered himself and found the words to form a clear answer.

CJOY needs to work on their call screening just a little. For the most part it was ok, but somehow a question managed to get through about a federal issue that wasn’t really relevant to anything, and not only that, the person had the facts of the question all wrong to begin with. In the future it might be wise to do a quick Google search if you’re not sure about putting somebody on the air. And note to the old lady, the bill you were talking about would *not* allow people 14 and under to have sex with anybody they want. And what exactly did you mean by “what would you do to help?” Are you making your decision based on each candidate’s child porn cred?

This has nothing to do with politics, but the car dealership commercial they kept playing all morning, the one that had the wacky beeps through it, made it sound like the guy was saying he’d fuck the man into next week rather than knock him there. If that’s what he wants to do then he can knock…er…fuck himself out, we just thought it needed a mention.

Of course, the issue of funding faith-based schools came up. The answers were pretty much what you’d expect, though it was interesting to hear Bob Senechal say that if the issue came to a vote, that he’d vote against it. Good old John said that his solution would be to take all of the money in the education budget, divide it up equally and give each child his share. He didn’t explain what would happen after that, which is kind of important. Do we leave it up to each child to decide which school he funds and how much his teachers and janitors get paid?

The answer to this issue is simple. Stop funding Catholic schools. there’s no need, and it creates too much overlap. What we need is one board that takes all comers no matter what. It’s unacceptable that Catholic schools can refuse to take special education students. Things like that are in no way in the public interest, and the sooner they can be eliminated, the better.

Drew Garvie said essentially that, but added that religion should not be taught in public school. That’s a little extreme. It should be taught, but it should be taught in the manner that subjects like history, or more closely related to this issue mythology, are taught now. Present them as viewpoints, things that people believe/believed to be true.

During a discussion about wait times in emergency rooms, John Gotts actually managed to score some sympathypoints by telling a story about waiting for nearly 7 hours in the ER at Guelph General Hospital after cutting his finger off with a circular saw only to be told that there was nobody available to see him. He was given the choice of going to either London or Hamilton for treatment, but there was no ambulance to take him, so he had to either wait almost another hour for one or drive himself. That’s the kind of thing people can relate to, real stories about real problems that need fixing.

And Liz, the fact that heart attack and stroke victims get quicker emergency room attention than other people is nothing to crow about, it’s common sense. If things worked any other way, deaths and lawsuits would be the order of the day, and then we’d have even more of a money problem.

It’s sad that the most important question in any election is one that can never be answered. Certainly every voter has the right to wonder why he should believe what a political party says, but there’s no concrete way for a candidate to say something and then demonstrate that her word is good. Circumstances change, and sometimes the moon is promised but you’re lucky to get out with a small piece of space junk and it’s really nobody’s fault.

We know what Ben Polley was going for when he answered this question, but it was one of the few places where he stumbled. He made a big deal out of the fact that the Greens were the only party to post their values statements online for the world to see. So what? Every party sends out campaign literature, and all of it is of equal value. In the end you’re judged on your record as it is, not as you hope it’s going to be when you write it out beforehand.

It was nice to hear Karan Mann-Bowers say that “strategic voting” is a silly way to do things. Both of us have always wondered about people who vote to keep others out rather than to get their favourites in. Newsflash kids, if enough of you actually voted the way you wanted to, your guy just might win a seat or 2.

Amazingly, it took an hour and a half for an
outraged area resident
to make it on the air. As soon as we heard the growly-voiced “mornin’ sir”, we knew there was going to be trouble, and apparently the CJOY folks did too. They let him talk anyway, at least for a minute until it became obvious that he wasn’t going to calm down and ask a question. Hanging up on a guy mid sentence during a debate that he’s technically paying for is always fun. Not saying he didn’t deserve it though, and good on the call screeners for only letting 2 nutjobs through all morning.

It was nice to hear somebody ask a question about funding for natural medicine. That’s not an issue that comes up much. Sadly nobody really gave a good answer, which was somewhat surprising. The Green Party came close, but other than that it was slim pickins for good ideas with everybody saying that it was worth looking into or in the case of the NDP, “I don’t know how to respond to that.” For the benefit of all candidates, the right answer is maybe we should regulate it. There’s certainly a market for these types of treatments and if we’re going to fund them, we need to take steps to ensure that the care is up to the high standards Ontarians should expect. Feel free to rip that off word for word or put your own little spin on it, the choice is yours.

On the issue of companies taking ground water for bottling operations, Liz Sandals said that the law clearly states that when companies and municipalities are in competition for the same water, the municipalities always win. Ok, so why are we letting them take water and sell it back to us then? Aren’t we *always* in competition for water? If there were no issues about where water was coming from, there would be no need to cut back on the sprinklers every year would there? And beyond that, it’s an issue of long-term thinking. Right now things might be ok, but what about when populations grow and the demands on the existing water supply grow with them? Are we supposed to accept that we can no longer use the tap water we all pay for now and that we have to buy it again, only this time in plastic bottles at a ridiculously high mark-up?

The closing statements were pretty uneventful, save for Liz Sandals using scare tactics to try to win votes. “You can vote Liberal and keep Ontario moving forward, or you can vote for another party and end up with a Conservative government.” Oh come on! I [Steve] will more than likely be voting for you on election day, but I’d like to think that you are secure enough to not need to resort to that kind of fear mongering and manipulation. Of everybody around that table, you’re the only one who has a respectable record to play with, don’t screw it up.

Carin, you seemingly undecided voter you, who won?

From a debating standpoint, definitely the Green Party. As for who I’m voting for, probably the Liberals, but I’m going to have to do some real thinking between now and voting time.

Fair enough. Just remember to vote yes for MMP on the referendum.

Ok, I will.

Well, that’s everything. Hopefully some of you enjoyed this. Maybe we’ll do it again sometime, but hopefully not too soon. We’ve had way too many elections in the last 4 years for anybody’s tastes, so here’s hoping for a break.

Ths Ttl Hs N Vwls. S T Cl?

No, a cat didn’t just run across my keyboard. I did that on purpose. Can you even read that? It was supposed to be This title has no vowels. Is it cool?

The Miami Downtown Development Authority, (DDA), who should be renamed DUH, decided that the new slogan for their downtown should have the o’s removed.

I have so many problems with this, it’s not funny. First, don’t get me started on lete-speak. Just don’t. The oozing fungus that is lete-speak has permeated way too much of the English language. It has no place on signs. It should barely have a place at all. People forget how to speak properly because this crap is pervading our language!

Second, how can we hope to teach our children how to read if our signs contain purposeful misspellings? Kids in Miami will be walking around thinking that downtown doesn’t need o’s.

Third, there were a couple of sentences that really burned me up. The article said “You’re not asking a 70-year-old to
move to downtown. You’re asking a 24-year-old to move to downtown.” So what does that say about 24-year-olds? To me, it says they’re stupid people glued to their cell phones. I’m not much older than 24 and that logo doesn’t appeal to me.

God, with the things I’ve been writing today, I feel so old. I feel like I’ll be soon pulling a Glen Foster and yelling “You Bastards, get the hell off my lawn!”

Yo Mamma’s So Stupid, She Could Be A School Administrator!

Oh god. This has to go in the that’s so gay files.

Some kids made the usual “yo mamma” jokes, and someone actually took them seriously, thought the kid actually slept with the other kid’s mom, and called in the authorities to investigate whether or not a child was having sex with an adult. I appreciate their vigilance, but please! That’s the oldest joke in the book!

Aww! Johnny Doesn’t Go To College!

We wonder where personal responsibility is going. We’re wondering why kids today don’t know that actions have consequences. Well, this story is an example that illustrates that some parents are letting those things go down the tubes.

A bunch of students just had to get into ivy league schools any way they could. So, after careful planning, and over the course of several days, they broke into the school, and the teacher’s filing cabinet, and stole a whole bunch of exams. When this was discovered, because they broke in, the school called the police, and now the kids are facing charges. But this is too much for their parents, who say they shouldn’t get criminal records because it will hurt their chances to get into their precious schools. Boo friggin hoo! Maybe they should have thought about that before stealing the tests and cheating. And who would be the first ones crying foul if other kids cheated and got in ahead of their precious little shnookumses? These same parents!

Now the parents are scrambling, trying to reduce the criminal charges and saying that the school should have handled this internally to protect their beloved little kiddy widdies from the police. No! That’s not how it works. If you break in somewhere, you get charged. I love how one parent says they shouldn’t get in trouble for making one little mistake. Little? It’s a little mistake to orchestrate and carry out several burglaries?

I love the fact that, on top of what the police have charged them with, the little darlings have also had sanctions from the school. Anyone found to have been involved are getting 0 on any exams where they may have gotten stolen information, and guidance counsellors are going to add a little note to their college applications saying that they cheated on exams. And the parents don’t think the school could have stopped them from getting into college, eh?

I know, when I was a kid, if I did something wrong, my mom wanted me to face the full consequences of my actions. If I had broken into the teacher’s desk and stolen tests, she would have marched my ashamed little ass straight into the police station to make me tell them what I’d done. There would have been meetings, I would have had to face the music as she put it.

The sad part is in this case, the school, the police and the prosecutors are trying to be as fair as they can. It’s the parents, the first people to teach these kids about personal responsibility, who are trying to help them run from it.

Maybe this is the best thing to happen to these kids. Maybe the little cutey-pies shouldn’t go to college yet. Maybe they need to grow up first. Hell, it sounds like their parents need to grow up too, but maybe the kids can reverse roles and lead by example.

Highway to What the Hell?

Do you think it’s a good idea to let guys who are in prison own a car and drive it from prison to their paid work every day without supervision? England does, at least the officials do. A bunch of people are pretty upset about it though, understandably so. With all the problems they have with prisoners escaping, it’s a wonder this plan is a go. But then again, they’re trying to cut down on overcrowding in prisons, so maybe it’s all part of the plan.

I’m Sick of This Bullshit

Whenever I think about riding this post, words fail me. I’m reduced to saying, over and over again, these people are morons!
You remember my feelings on guts, dont you? If not, there’s the most recent eruption, complete with links to earlier spewings. There, history lessonover.

Now, they’re at it again. How did Shakespeare put it? “It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.” I know, that’s not about the same thing, but it fits pretty well here.

Last week, on the day of action for people with disabilities, GUTS decided that their contribution would be to dump cow dung all over the front of our current MPP’s office. They claim it was her campaign office, but in true GUTS fashion, they failed to do their research and dumped it at her constituency office. Way to go. They said they did this to, how did they put it? “express our concern that the Ontario Liberal government has done very little for those with disabilities.”

And throwing a heap of bullshit really expresses concern. No, it only makes the MPP want to do even less for people with disabilities.

That’s not all these so-called advocates have done. In the past, they have protested in front of our MPP’s home on the weekend, and essentially sent her death threats! Why haven’t they been prosecuted? That is not the way someone representing a group of people, or any decent citizen for that matter, should behave. The only change they can hope to effect with that kind of intimidation is a change of their criminal records to reflect their latest idiocy.

As a person with a disability, here is my personal message for those at GUTS. Stop speaking for me. You are doing more harm than good by doing this, well, bullshit. You make me ashamed that you are trying to represent me. I have a voice, let me use it. I sure as hell don’t need you doing it. The more of these stunts you pull, the less help we as people with disabilities will get. You are not speaking for the under-empowered. You are undermining what power we may have. Go do something useful.

The Trixie Evolution Continues

I just love writing these updates. I think they’ll be neat to look back on as time goes on. So here are some new things I’ve noticed about Trixie.

She’s very very very picky about her toys. She will not play with the same toy twice in a row. There are certain toys for certain times, according to the Trixie way of thinking. If I offer her a toy she does not approve of, she sniffs it and walks away. But she doesn’t go far, as if to say, “try again.” I pull out another toy, and she’s happy as hell to take it. But she has no problem playing multiple tug games a day.

While we’re on the subject of tug toys, the toy is still alive. It’s looking like it’s been tugged on a bit, but it isn’t showing signs of dying any time soon. It’s funny when she starts to play. She doesn’t just run with me and the tug toy, she bounces! Straight up! When she gets excited in harness, sometimes I can feel her bucking and bouncing too. This usually means there’s something exciting across the street that I should be aware of, or it’s food time and she knows she’s almost home.

She loves our downstairs neighbour. If I get off the elevator on her floor, Trixie knows exactly where we’re going, and wastes no time to get there. It’s like she’s spring-loaded. It’s cool, because when I first got Trixie, my neighbour was afraid of black dogs, so I was afraid I’d never walk with her again. But Trixie has broken her of her fear.

They talked so much about how long and hard we would have to work to communicate with our dogs. But Trixie makes it easy. She’ll tell me if she wants to play, she’ll tell me if she needs to relieve and we’re not going anytime soon, she’ll tell me if she’s completely full of energy and could use a walk. She’ll tell me if she has to relieve when we’re walking. Sometimes, we get our signals crossed, but not very often. Most often, I just love watching her tell me how happy she is with that wagging tail!

I meant to put this next thing in my last installment of Trixie’s brain, but I forgot. It was so funny that I have to put it here. She ran into a whole new thing the other day. She met a radio-controled car. It was funny to watch her thought process. “Is it a car? It’s awfully small. Do I run away from it? Towards it? It has flashing lights and a beeping horn. What do I do? Aaa!”

I eventually got her to turn and face it and have a good look at it. Then I asked the person to drive it out of our way, which they did, and then she walked right past, completely unphased.

I think she was a tracking dog in a previous life. One time, Steve was hiding on me, so Trixie just walked right into the room where he was and found him for me. Busted! Another time, Steve and I were goofing around and Steve grabbed me and made it look like he was dragging me somewhere. Trixie started chasing both of us! It was hillarious!

She really cares about me. Sometimes, I can be a bit over-dramatic when I’m talking to someone. The other day, someone said something really disgusting and I slumped over as if I were fainting. Poor Trixie got all worried and I had to tell herI was ok. When I got my hair cut, I had to have her a bit of a distance away from the chair so the lady could work her magic. For most of the session, Trixie just lay there like a little angel. Then, they broke out the blow dryer! In a flash, she got up and ran over to me, as if to say, “You’re not hurting mommy, are you?” I told her it was ok, and got her to lay down. But it was so cute to see how much she looks out for me.

It’s amazing what a difference I can see in Trixie’s work. She’s always been good, but every day, she gets even better. I had a lot of trust issues to work through with her. Babs put me through the wringer, so Trixie had to help me get over my fear that she would do the same. It wasn’t something I thought consciously, but it was under the surface. For a long time, I was nervous taking her into restaurants, following people if I was in a place where I didn’t know where I was going, I didn’t feel that sense of freedom everyone talked about. In a way, I felt more restricted for a while. Now all of that is melting away. She’s really good at following people if we have to, I know she’ll stop at steps, she really looks out for me. I don’t have to put the gental leader on her nearly as much. I only have to do it when temptation is staring her right in the face. She’s awesome!

I sometimes wonder who has been trained to whose needs. I have become a bit of a doggy robot. When I first get up, I feed her right away. Then, it’s down to relieve. When I come back, I groom her and do her obedience right away so I don’t forget. AT the specified times when I give her water, feed her, take her to relieve, etc. I will get the urge to check my watch, and of course, it’s that time, so I’ll stop what I’m doing and go do what has to be done. But I figure it’s better that way than me having to remind myself constantly of what has to be done.

I’m such a goof. Time is measured in doggy things. Tomorrow, I will give her her sixth heartguard pill, apply the sixth tube of flea and tic-preventative stuff, soon she needs new food, new toothpaste and her toenails need clipping. It’s really weird to see physical signs of the passage of time in her doggy things. Her food and toothpaste are almost gone, again, the thing of baby wipes I use for cleaning her ears is definitely less full, toys have died, but that roll of poop bags still looks like a monster! When that thing dies, we’ll know time is marching on for sure.

I think that’s about it in the Trixie department. I should go, my doggy radar says it’s watering and relieving time. Must do that now…resistance is futile!

Um Yeah Ok

When I wrote the
post
last month about the crazy man suing Michael Vick for “$63,000,000,000 billion” dollars, I had no idea how crazy the guy actually was.

It turns out that Jonathan Lee Riches, the man who filed that suit, has also filed at least 35 others, all of which are riddled with similar insanity. Here’s a
link
to a Wikipedia entry that details the ones that are known [yes, there may be more]. Among them are these 2, both filed on the same day.

On July 16, 2007 Riches filed a lawsuit against the Mossad, Central Intelligence Agency, and Larry King Live claiming the “defendants are in a vast conspiracy to hijack my torso, three toes, and my constitutional rights and ship them to a secret headquarters in Concord, NH.” Riches also alleges that the “Mossad told me personally on April 20, 2007 that they are going to hang me on a cross next to Jesus Christ.”, that “Larry King Live is a voodoo witch doctor who stole my identity on February 25th, 2003 and purchased lead paint, Chips Ahoy!, Planter’s Peanuts, and Ziploc bags under my identity. Distributed them to the CIA to microwave test my DNA”, and that “The CIA on January 4, 2006, plead allegiance to Al-Qaeda..” The court refused to docket the case because the court did not receive a filing fee from Riches.

Also on July 16, 2007, Riches filed a lawsuit against the Federal Judicial System, all United States Federal Judges, United States Marshals, and Tiger Woods. This lawsuit claims that “Tiger Woods is touring the PGA golf courses with my identity in his pocket. He will not answer my prison phone calls – this continues today.” and that “U.S. Marshals laugh at me through the prison ventilation system.” In the lawsuit, Riches misspelled ventilation and marshals.

Here’s hoping the guy gets the help he needs before he decides to sue me, Google, News of the Weird and Wikipedia for making him look like a goof, and perhaps even for subjecting him to ridicule through the microwaving of his identity and credit cards via the internet and President Bush who, it should be noted, used to sell goats to Paris Hilton in exchange for books about knitting. I made that last part up…I think.