Today’s Dose of Trixie-Induced Sap

This morning, I had it shown to me why the term dogged determination is so apt. I decided to put a treat inside Trixie’s cong because it’s fun to watch her work with such precision to get it out. I knew, as I was wedging the treat in there, that it was going to be a tough challenge. I gave it to Trixie, and she started to work on it. She worked and chewed and worked and flipped and worked and worked some more. A few minutes went by. No success. I decided to go off and do the dishes. She didn’t follow me like she usually does. I could hear her working away. She didn’t stop. She didn’t lie down, decide to look out the window at the barking dogs outside, nothing but chew chew chew work squeeze chew chew that cong.

An hour later, after the dishes were washed and I was starting to think I should go check on her, I heard a thud, and Trixie ran into the spare room, and started flopping and snorting the way she does after her morning feed. Steve found the cong, covered in slime, but completely devoid of treat. It was like nothing was ever in there. If Trixie could talk, she would have yelled, “Yes! Victory is mine, suckas!” But she’ll just have to settle for flopping and snorting.

I had to wonder if I would go at a task with such determination. Would I struggle single-mindedly with something without stopping for so long? I’m sure I would have given up long ago. I think next time I have something tough to do, I’ll just picture Trixie and her cong. If she can do it, so can I.

What An Asscidhole

Ok kids, pop quiz time.

You’re having some work done at your house. The repairman doing the job takes off for the day and leaves a few jugs and bottles full of some kind of strange liquid in your basement when he goes. Do you:
A. Not really think about them because you know he’s coming back in a day or so and probably needs them for something?
B. Give him a call and make sure he knows that he left them in case he needs them for something else and can’t find them now?
C. Uncork one of those bad boys and take a nice healthy slug?

If you said C and you’re entirely serious about that answer, it means you’re an imbecile and it’s a shame you’re somehow still alive. Unfortunately, it also means that
there are others out there just like you.

CHICAGO – A Frankfort, Ill., woman who accidentally drank battery acid in January is suing the man who left it in her home as well as the company that sold it to him. Patricia Gabrysiak needed a new sump pump, so she called an installer and he came and left the pump and some supplies in the basement of her home. He also left a gallon water jug, a liter water container and a bottle with a ginger ale label all filled with battery acid, said the lawsuit filed in Will County Circuit Court. Gabrysiak took a drink from one of the containers not realizing that it was battery acid and had to be taken to a hospital with severe burns, the Chicago Tribune reported. She is now suing repairman J. Brady McCahey, who allegedly left the containers, as well as Master Automotive Supply and Parts Plus Auto Store, which allegedly sold him the acid in unlabeled containers. The acid was to be used for the pump’s battery and was moved out of the basement “by a third party,” said the attorney for the Frankfort repairman.

And now that the reading portion of the assignment is done, it’s time for another quiz.

Should we pass a law stating that if you are not a child under the age of 9 or previously diagnosed as mentally impaired and you do something this mindbogglingly ridiculous, the medical system is no longer obligated to take care of you and the legal system is allowed to ridicule you and can bill you for wasting its time?
A. Yes.
B. Absolutely.
C. You’re damn skippy we should!
D. Fuckin’ right!
E. Only if there’s a provision that allows for sterilization once the case is settled.
F. Only if that sterilization can be done by an angry mob with rusty garden implements.

Answers can be submitted as comments, emails, or silently stewed over while trying to restrain yourself from committing violent acts against your fellow man.

Do I Have Trixie Abandonment Issues?

Out of all the Trixie dreams I’ve had, I think the weirdest ones are the ones where I dream I abandon her. There was the one where I went to Steve’s family for the weekend without her, and another one I had later where I dreamed I left her at home and then suddenly realized she would need to relieve and I wasn’t going to be there in time. I had stopped having dreams like this, and figured I guess I’d gotten over my insecurities about abandoning her, or something. Then, I had another one of these a week or so ago.

I was getting off a plane. I was excited. I was heading to guide dog school. As I waited at baggage claim, I wondered how much of the campus I would remember. Would I remember the twisty obstacle course that led to the buses? What room would I be in? I would be in the retrain wing, that was for sure.

A man showed up and hustled me into a van of some kind. I asked if he had my bags, and he said we would have to come back for them. This didn’t thrill me, but there was nothing I could do.

Some other people were in the van, and they were all saying where they were from. They were talking about their old dogs and how much they missed them. I got thinking about Trixie and how awesome she was, and how it would suck to have to start all over again.

Then, it shot through me. Why was I even here? Trixie and I were doing fine and I’d only had her a few months. Why did I do this?

Seconds later, another realization hit me. I hadn’t made any arrangements for Trixie. She was back here, with Steve, and Steve didn’t know how to relieve her, take her for walks, all that stuff. What was going to happen?

As I started to panic, I woke up wondering what in hell that was. The only thing I can think is I’m on a mailing list full of other people with guide dogs, and a whole bunch of them just got dogs. But that’s wacked! Why do I keep dreaming I’m leaving her somewhere? Do other people with guide dogs dream this stuff? Do new moms dream about leaving their babies behind? Or am I the only one having stupid dreams?

Trixie just wacked me in the knees with her little nose. She knows it’s dinner time. Nope, this dog’s not getting left anywhere.

Introducing Microsoft Eeewww!

Imagine booting up your computer and going to check your email. As you read a message from your dad talking about the family’s Christmas plans, an ad for Christmas tree decorations appears beside the message. Your friend writes you and is talking about how school is going, and buying textbooks, and ads for bookstores and finding schools near you appear. Then you decide to start writing the essay you have to get done for school, and ads for places where you can get cheap essays and plot summaries spawn in a frame beside your essay. Frustrated, you turn on some music. Every so often, in between your songs, ads for online music stores are played. Is this the case of some idiot filling their computer with spyware? Sadly, no. It’s Microsoft’s vision of the future.

Yep, Microsoft wants to make it possible for advertiser’s to gather data from your personal files to help them target ads at you by allowing the very programs you use to write those files to mine it out and serve it up to them. Personal files. Like the files you don’t want shared with the world. They might have private information in them, information that might lead to having your identity stolen if it fell into the wrong hands, which is very possible if your files are used as fuel for advertisers.

Then, they want to throw those ads in your face by cramming them on the same screen where you’re trying to do productive work. They even want video-editing programs to show video ads! Yeah, because annoying the piss out of your customers is going to make them support the advertisers. Right. What rock has Microsoft been under? Have they not noticed how much people hate spyware and adware? They must have, because they created a program to supposedly help combat it. It’s horribly inadequate and not worth downloading, but they did make one.

Can’t you just imagine the great fun that using a computer running windows will become if this goes through? I doubt it has a chance, but if it does manage to succeed, I’ll seriously consider linux or the Mac.

Update On The Drunks Looking For Cabs Thing

It looks like there’s a solution to the problem of the drunks demanding cabs late at night and waking up the whole neighbourhood. I guess the city approved a plan to set up taxi stands during those late-night crazy hours. I didn’t think there would be enough cabs to make that work, but I’m glad there are. Now the neighbours can get some much-needed sleep.

Teach Your Children Well, Or Better Yet, Let Them Teach Themselves

Man, England is going to hell. They have CCTV’s everywhere, nobody going to jail for things they should go to jail for, and now, a bunch of people responsible for education think that kids should set their own tests and grade themselves.

Hmmm, I can’t see any problem with that, can you? I guess, if they follow through with this, they wouldn’t have to worry about low test scores. Everybody would ace every test!

I start to wonder why we’d have teachers at that point. They want the kids to pick the questions, high school students to make up homework assignments and devise marking schemes, and the kids to grade each other. I’m just picturing the students who were in my grade nine class, and what it would have looked like if the teacher had let that idea loose on us. My classmates liked to wrestle over desks and throw rulers. I don’t think they were too into self-assessment.

I’m amazed that a whole group of people thought this idea was a good one. Then again, it just goes to show how good self-assessment is.

Maybe It’s Part Of The Plan To Kill Off A Few Extra Children

You know, we really shouldn’t be too surprised when China uses high amounts of lead in the toys they make. I mean, this should already be a no-brainer. But it becomes especially unsurprising when they are too cheap to build a bridge over a raging river so some of their kids can get to school, so the little ones have to be hoisted over by cable. One kid actually said, “I used to dream of having a bridge, but then I learned that my dream
was too expensive.”

Too expensive? For China? Who filld this kid’s head with bullshit? Why do I bother to ask? They have more than enough dough to build a bridge so some kids don’t go swimming in the river.

Now a bridge is being built, but only because the image of the little ones got out to the media and China thinks it looks bad.

And we still call them a developed nation. I don’t know what they have developed into, but it’s not good.

Poisonous Stupidity

Ok, why is it that the completely dumb among us do things to themselves that should earn them a Darwin award, but manage to live? The latest moron is Matt Wilkenson.

Strike 1. He kept a pet rattle snake.
Strike 2. He put it down his throat because he thought it would be funny.
Strike 3. It bit him, shooting enough venom straight into his throat to kill 12-15 men.
He should be out!

Nope. After doctors stuck a breathing tube down his throat, injected several rounds of anti-venin into him and then put him in a medical coma for three days, he’s still alive, kickin’, and just as stupid, saying things like “It was kind of my own stupid fault.” Kind of? Well, that’s a start.

It doesn’t seem fair that he’s going to be fine, but someone else will have something happen to them that’s completely out of their control and die.

Would This Be Ouch, Or Would It Be Fuck Fuckity Fuck Fuck Ouch!?

Don’t ask me how things like this happen, because I don’t know. but what I do know is that it would have sucked a big juicy hard one to be Venezuelan car accident victim Carlos Camejo who, after being declared dead, surprised medical examiners by waking up during his autopsy, or as the article so eloquently put it, was
“woken from his undead state by the “excruciating pain” of a scalpel to the face.”