No! I! Don’t! Speak! Spanish!

The images this story gives me make me laugh. Imagine a man going to Home Depot and standing at one of those self-checkout scanner thingies. The items he’s buying? A pry bar and a hacksaw. He’s waiting in line. When he finally gets to the scanner, he accidentally hits the button for Spanish on the machine and this is too much for him. He doesn’t ask for help. He doesn’t try to turn it back to English. Oh no. He unleashes an assault on the offending machine. With what, you ask? Why, with the pry bar he’s trying to buy, of course. After shattering the computer, he runs away to the railroad tracks, leaving his purchases behind. Police haven’t found him yet, and the Home Depot is crying at the $10000 damage he’s caused to their poor machine.

Like the story says, thank god he wasn’t buying a blowtorch. I say thank god he didn’t decide to go to a human cashier!

There She Blows!

If you’re the type of person who enjoyed the
big dump
story from last year, then boy have I got a treat for you. Click
here
to check out the Colon Cleansing Experiment, in which a man much braver [or perhaps dumber] than I could ever hope to be uses things not ment to be used that way to, well, you know.

I obviously wouldn’t know myself, but I’ve been told the pictures are something to see, so be warned. Then again, if you’re planning to click on this you’re probably not the type to be bothered by it, so forget I said anything.

Is Brushing Really that Hard Or Are We Just Trying To Keep Some Inventors Busy?

Oral B will soon begin selling a computerized toothbrush that will tell you whether or not you’re doing a good job of brushing your teeth.

The brush, called Triumph with SmartGuide, sends radio signals to a display screen that you can mount on your bathroom mirror. the screen then displays instructions on where you should clean, whether or not you’re brushing too hard or not hard enough and how long you should keep it up.

The manufacturer is hoping that good old Triumph will be this year’s must-have bathroom Christmas gift.

I can’t speak for anybody else, but what I’m really curious about is what the must-have bathroom Christmas gifts of years gone bye were.

Felony Naming

The government of Venezuela is
working on legislation
that would ban parents from giving their children any names that would “expose them to ridicule, are extravagant or difficult to pronounce”. The move would mean that there would be no more Supermans or
4reals
running around.

I’m not sure how to feel about this. On one hand I’m glad that somebody is thinking of the children and trying to put these dipshit parents who don’t remember what being a kid is like in check, but on the other, the idea of the government regulating what I can and can’t call my child isn’t one I’m a huge fan of.

Crack Open A Cold One

Two South African men have been arrested after
stealing a hearse complete with corpse and using it to go on a pub crawl.

The men, who were not named, were reportedly busted when the vehicle ran out of gas and they tried to get 3 women they had met at a bar to help them push it.

The hearse’s driver Siphiwo Mkhize said that it was stolen from his driveway where he had parked it for just a moment while he ran inside to get money for fuel.

John Dlomo, showing off some brilliant deductive reasoning skills that I’m sure served him well in detective school, stated that the 2 men appeared to be drunk when they were brought in.

I share this story for 2 reasons. Reason number one is that I found it funny, and reason number 2 is that I hope it makes anybody spending today recovering from some long weekend partying feel like a bit less of a loser for anything stupid they may have done over the last few days.

You’re welcome.

Messed Up in Mexico

I’m trying to follow this path to see how far I can go before getting mad. Dominic and Nancy Ianiero died horribly in Mexico. Yup, I’m totally there. The hotel staff cleaned up the crime scene and police bungled the investigation. I’m still there. Many family members were implicated as suspects, which was horrible. Totally agree. The family has decided to sue the travel agent for breach of contract and negligence because they didn’t tell them more crime happens in Mexico? What? Oo now I’m mad.

You’re going to Mexico. Everybody knows more crime happens there! Anyone with any sense knows to beware of the locals. They don’t have money, you do, and there’s where the trouble starts. You can’t blame the travel agent even when things go horribly wrong.

And here’s another thing. I’ve never taken a trip with a travel agent, but I’ve never heard of a contrac that says “In the event that members of your group get killed and you are caught up in the investigation, translation services will be provided.” That just isn’t thought of. They don’t expect that someone will come into one of your rooms and slit the occupants’ throats. That isn’t a usual occurrence.

I felt for the family through this whole thing. I thought it was a terrible thing to happen. But now, I’m starting to lose respect for them.

A Wrinkle In The System

Wow. This is pretty sad. In the U.S., if you have a suspicious mole you’d like looked at by a dermatologist, you’ll have to wait 3-4 weeks, but if you want Botox, you’ll get in right away. In Canada, it wasn’t clear how quickly you’d get in for Botox, but one thing was clear. If you had a suspicious mole you wanted looked at, expect to wait 6 weeks. but over 100000 people managed to get injected with Botox in 2005. It’s not looking good.

With skin cancer being one of the most dangerous cancers, it’s a pretty sad statement that investigating potential cancer gets pushed back in line behind oliminating wrinkles for the vane and rich among us. I wonder how the vane and rich would feel about losing all their hair and looking very dead.

Left-Brain? Right-Brain? Ah It Doesn’t Matter, I Get By With No Brain

Here’s a helpful tip for ya. If you need neurosurgery, don’t go to Rhode Island to get it done. They have one of the highest occurrences of doctors opening the wrong side of a patient’s head. The latest cocky brain surgeon thought he’d rely on his memory instead of a CT scan, opened the wrong side, closed it up, opened the side he was supposed to, fixed the problem, and the 86-year-old patient died, and they don’t know whether opening the other side of his skull contributed to his death. Anybody wanna take bets?