Of all the sites on the internet, this is one.
Finally, there’s a good use for the
USB stress panic button
that you bought a couple of months ago. You can use it to calm your nerves or maybe even signal for help when you set fire to your home or office with your brand new
USB cented oil burner!
Seriously, does nobody bother to think anymore?
Somebody, for reasons that I hope involve severe mental retardation, has
paid more than $1500
for a piece of concrete with an oil stain on it that looks a little bit like the face of Jesus Christ.
Speaking of Jesus Christ, that’s exactly what I said to myself when I watched
this video
about a Chinese grocery store that has installed rail cars so passengers won’t have to walk while they shop. I’ve never shopped in China, but how stressful can a stroll through the frozen foods section really be? And who, aside from the folks who are building these things, is hoping that they catch on? Are we not lazy enough as it is, and aren’t we, at least according to the media, supposed to be battling an obesity epidemic or something? Now and then I wonder if we should require everyone to
look up the meaning of the word progress
at least once a year and reflect for a bit on the spirit of it.
Ok Carin, I’ll see your
dumbass getting shot in the eye
and raise you
a guy who confessed to a murder that wasn’t actually a murder so that the cops would give him a ride home because he drank too much and ran out of money.
By the way, I’d love to know who all of you think is dumber, this guy or the police who decided to fine somebody who’s obviously pretty hard up for cash.
And on a small side note, I wish I had a nickel for every stupid news story I’ve seen that starts off with the words “A Romanian man.” Hell, I could probably own a couple of Romanias by now.
All I can manage to say when I look at this story is Hahahahahahahahahahah! Looks like someone needs to brush up on his skill with a weapon. This sounds like something out of the cartoons where the villains are incompetent baffoons and end up hurting each other instead of their intended victim. I especially keep picturing those mutants from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles…oh boy, maybe I’ve said too much.
Wow. Here’s a chain of events that totally sucks for our star of the show, Alex R. Perez and his brother. It’s stuff like this that makes me wonder if they were meant to get caught.
It all started when he flashed a gang sign at a car, but it was the wrong car, because it was full of undercover police from the gang unit. Wow. Talk about your total woops. They called marked cars over, and the police started to pat Perez down, and found some Xanax on him that he couldn’t explain. Woops! He didn’t have his ID on him, so he led them into the bedroom of his home, where they found a baggy filled with what looked like cocaine. Woooops, and you’re a moron. This prompted a full search of the house by narcotics officers, which turned up guns, massive amounts of drugs, and a whole lot of cash. That’s not an oops, that’s an oh shit. This prompted agents from the federal Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives and Immigration and Customs to become involved. Now, I think it translates to a you’re screwed moment. Now Perez and his brother are facing federal charges.
Holy crap. I don’t think this guy was meant to be a gang member much longer. And to think the root of this whole thing was flashing a gang sign.
In these short four months I have had Trixie home, I’ve discovered she is a toy-murderer. If something has the slightest bit of give, she will find it and exploit it. Remember that knotted rope? Well, she reduced it to a pile of yarn. At first, she only undid the knot at one end, so it formed little cylinders that looked like Raggedy Anne legs. And then it all came unglued.
Then, of course, there were the two tug toys before that that she destroyed in quick succession, one of which was given by her puppy raisers. Everyone wonders if I leave them around for her to chew on. Nope!
I bought another tug toy, a cong with a rope. Well, within 24 hours, she had pulled the knots out of the rope, made the cong fall off, and it was not a very strong cong, so pieces of it fell off. So, there goes another toy.
The funniest was a doughnut with a squeaker that someone bought me at the dollar store. I know we’re not supposed to have anything with squeakers, but she said she had a toy-murderer of her own and she’d had this doughnut for months and the dog hadn’t gotten to the squeaker. I thought it was a pretty safe bet. Nope, wrong, try again. She was playing with it, it was merrily going squeaky, squeaky, squeaky. Then, a few minutes later, it went rip, rip. Then I heard rubber screeching noises. I ran over, and…you guessed it. She had extricated the squeaker, made a hole in it so it squeaked no more, and there was now a giant hole in the doughnut. Bye-bye, poor doughnut, rest in peace, er, pieces.
I have now bought a very, very, very, thick rope with a handle that I hold onto. It looks like it could take a beating. Let’s see how long it lasts. I’m also on the hunt for some tug toys from a store called Foster and Smith because they’re supposed to be indestructable. Trix, don’t take that as a challenge. Really, you don’t have to prove everybody wrong.
Here’s a tip to criminals already in jail. If you’re pretty much nailed to the wall on charges of first-degree murder, and you decide to write a letter complaining about how things are going, basically confessing to the crime, and urging the recipient to do what he can to keep witnesses from testifying, check and recheck the address to make sure it’s right. Otherwise, it will be returned to sender, and although the jail doesn’t check outgoing mail, they do check incoming mail, at which point you can kiss your ass goodbye.
You have to give this guy credit for being determined, though, although I’m not sure if the bigger thing is determination or stupidity. After being segregated from fellow inmates and having his mail privileges revoked, he was caught trying to slip notes to other prisoners and have them mail them for him. After that one incriminating letter was intercepted, they searched his girlfriend’s house and found that he was quite the prolific writer, telling her to lie and say that he was with her the morning the victim in his case was killed.
I love all the slang in the letters. It would be hillarious to watch people read that in court. And remember what I said about him kissing his ass goodbye? Yep, seven hours of deliberation later, Quinton Thomas, our author of many damning pieces of prose, was convicted of one count of solicitation to commit murder, two of witness intimidation, one of first-degree murder, one of attempted armed robbery and one of conspiracy to commit armed robbery. I just can’t believe it took them that long.
With some criminals, you can understand why they ended up in jail. They’re dumb. Bryan Connelly was one of these.
He got convicted of forgery. Not long before he was to be paroled, he just couldn’t stand the fact that he got convicted, I guess, so wanted to kill those responsible for putting him behind bars. So, genius over here decided he would send a letter to the judge who sentenced him offering him $5000 if he would kill the prosecutor in his forgery case. He then sent another letter to his defense attorney asking him to kill the judge, and if he declined, he would kill the judge himself after he killed the defense attorney. He wrote the letters in longhand and put his fingerprints all over them, so it looks like there’ll be no killing going on, and no parole either.
You’d think if he had forged something before, he would have been able to disguise his handwriting. Oh wait, that’s why he was in jail in the first place. Maybe the forgery wasn’t that good. Either way, I think he’s going to have a much longer hit-list now that his charges have been upped to two counts of attempted solicitation of capital murder. Way to go, Bryan, you’re a real prize.
Wow. This is just ridiculous. Jeromy Jackson of Morgantown ordered 2 Quarter Pounders without cheese. He told several people he wanted no cheese because he was allergic to it. He still got cheese. He had a reaction. They had to rush him to the hospital. McDonalds agreed to pay his medical bill. that wasn’t good enough for him. He’s now suing them for 10 million bucks.
Ok, I understand getting pissed off and telling McDonalds what they did. I understand, if they refused, maybe getting them to pay the medical bills. But this suit, well, cheeses me off. First off, McDonalds apologized and agreed to pay first half, then all of his $700 medical bills. I think that’s really good of them. Most places just give you a gift certificate if you eat bad food there. That’s what Steve got when he got poisoned by Pizza hut.
And this guy’s mother and a friend were in on the suit, saying they risked their lives getting him to the hospital. Well, if that’s a reasonable cause to sue, you’d better hope you never need an ambulance, because the driver could sue you for having to endanger his life to save yours.
Another weird thing about the description of how this whole thing played out was when this guy started to have a reaction, his mother and friend didn’t immediately call 911 or start rushing him to the hospital. They called McDonalds to complain about the order, and seemed upset that their call was cut short because his reaction got really bad and they realized they had to rush him to the hospital. Ok?
The weirdest thing to me is if you know you have a life-threatening allergy to cheese, wouldn’t you, um, look under the bun before you ate it, just in case they screwed up? You know people make mistakes. Wouldn’t you be careful? People with nut allergies are expected to be super vigilant. Why wouldn’t this guy do the same? It’s cheese. It would be pretty easy to spot.
Ug stupid lawsuits. I feel sorry for McDonalds. First there was Stella and her hot coffee and now this.
This is the stupidest thing I’ve read today by a wide margin.
Actual headline:
Live Newscast Nearly Interrupted By Police Chase Crash
SANFORD, Fla. — A car involved in a police pursuit went flying down a street and slammed into another car Thursday morning, right in front of a Channel 9 news crew.
The police pursuit in Sanford nearly interrupted a live broadcast on Eyewitness News around 7:00am. Police said they were following a Suburban spotted in a gas station theft when it crashed several hundred feet from the Eyewitness News crew.
In other equally useful news, I didn’t jump off of the balcony today, there was a 50% chance that Carin could have been born a boy, and it would be raining if it wasn’t nice out right now.