Come to My Store and Get a Blueberry Squishy!

I had the weirdest thing happen to me yesterday. I had this giant craving for a slushy. A slushy? Ok then. But it was there, and I was feeling kind of down, so I decided to go get one. So off I went in search of a slushy.

I went to Dairy Queen because I heard they had them, and they did! I got my slushy, and started to drink it, and…I ended up thoroughly disappointed!

I don’t know what exactly it was that disappointed me. It tasted like a slushy should taste, but it tasted diluted and kind of gross. Just when I’d get into it, I would hit a block of crystals that would clog my straw and then it tasted like I was just sucking up snow. I didn’t even finish it because it got kind of boring.

Does anyone else have this happen to them? Or am I the only adult who still gets the occasional craving for a slushy? Have slushies gone down hill, or did they always suck and I was just too much of a kid to notice before? Or am I just loopy?

Now There’s a Scary Thought

This guy is crying discrimination because he can’t have a gun permit. I’m jumping for joy. Why? because he’s blind!

Carey McWilliams claims that he would only use it to shoot someone at point blank range to defend himself, and he thinks he can zero in on someone by sound. Sure, we can be pretty accurate at that stuff, but I don’t trust myself enough to use a gun based on what I can sense, and I would be a fool to do so.

He’s now trying to appeal, and if his appeals expire, he’s planning to file a discrimination claim. But even the ACLU won’t help him. That’s saying something. Dude, it’s not discrimination, it’s common sense! People who can’t see what they’re shooting…shouldn’t be shooting! Hey chief, I think you can find other ways to defend yourself. You don’t need a gun.

I’m Not A Doctor, But I’ve Been Trained By A Few

In my life, I’ve seen plenty of stupid. I’ve also experienced plenty of really stupid, fucking stupid and even a pretty fair dose of mind-blowingly fucking stupid. But never before have I seen something the likes of what I can only call
penis cream stupid.

The story goes like this. A school teacher allowed a random man to attempt over a 9 month period to cure a rash she developed by get this, repeatedly applying an ointment to her using the end of his penis. Why would somebody allow a random man to do this you ask. Well, apparently the random man had talked to a random gynaecologist friend of his who told him that a certain cream administered to the vagina via wang tip at different speeds and for different lengths of time would be just what the doctor ordered. I should also note that this random man would never give up the name of the random gynaecologist when asked, though this didn’t seem to ring any alarm bells or anything.

But wait, there’s more! The teacher also claims that she had to fork over thousands of dollars to pay for the cream, and a
later article
reporting that the case had been thrown out of court also mentioned that her mother didn’t figure this out either and had helped pay for the treatments as well.

It wasn’t made clear why the case was dismissed, but to me, one thing is for certain. Based on what I’ve seen here, this woman should not be teaching anybody anything. If she’s telling the truth, it means that the clinically brain-dead are helping to shape the futures of our children. If she’s not, it still means that the clinically brain-dead are helping to shape the futures of our children. she’s either dumb enough to pay for 9 months worth of rape or she thinks that the rest of us are dumb enough to think she did, which should, in a sane world, elicit the same reaction either way.

You expect who to do what?

Raaaar! That’s what this news story made me do when I saw it on the 6:00 news.

Apparently, suicide is the leading cause of death in people ages 10-24. 10? good lord! That’s not the part that makes me go raaar. This is. The school system has decided that they need to educate all the kids in how to look for signs of suicidal thought in their friends so *they* can catch it before it’s too late. Then they had this little kid on the news saying, “I never knew the signs, but now I know, so now I can watch.”

Are you starting to feel your head spin slowly? For me, it was a gradual bubbling of rage. It started off as sort of perplexing, then slightly disturbing, then I felt like I was going to explode. Why are we making children watch for signs of this in other children? Isn’t that a little too much responsibility to put on the poor kids? Isn’t it the job of Little Johnny’s parents to notice when Little Johnny is falling off the rails? I know that a person is more likely to tell their friends these things than their parents, but at 10, I don’t think it’s right or fair to be having kids watching out to see if their friends might try and jump off a bridge. It’s hard enough for adults to see the signs, and the way kids blame themselves for stuff that isn’t even their fault, I think it’s pretty shitty to put this burden on their shoulders. Am I wrong to feel upset that this is being expected of kids as young as 10? Do I not give them enough credit? Does this seem right to anyone?

Can You Hear Me Now? No? Great, Mission Accomplished!

Ok, here’s the new most retarded thing I heard all time all my life.

Mobiles to be blocked for Bush

Mobile phone calls in sections of Sydney’s CBD will reportedly be blocked during US President George Bush’s APEC visit in September.

News Limited papers report the sophisticated counter-terrorism measure will be used to prevent mobile phone detonated remote-control bombs.

A helicopter fitted with signal-jamming equipment will shadow the President’s motorcade.

It will block all mobile phone calls within an area the size of a football field.

I’m trying to figure out what this is going to accomplish. Sure it might prevent somebody from blowing you up with a phone, but logic therefore dictates that it would also prevent you from calling 911 with a phone if somebody decided to explode you the old-fashioned way.

The war on terror stuff was way out of hand a long time ago, but endangering public safety in a ridiculous attempt to protect it seems like a brand new low to me.

More Musical Weirdness

You never know where something will lead. Steve talked about a funny article about the five shittiest musical instruments. This got Ann Adams digging to find some other weird and wacky instruments, and she found some. She tried to leave a comment, but HaloScan was crapping on itself, so she sent the links to me.

She was looking for stuff on a particular instrument that is played with no hands. On her journey, she stumbled upon a whole gallery of weird musical instruments. They all had pictures and sound samples! Neat! I was playing around in there for quite a while, and found some wierd ones. A beer bottle organ? 29 hanging pot lids? Singing stones? Ok then.

Then she finally found what she was looking for, the Theremin! Now there’s a weird instrument. I can’t believe some people actually get all bent out of shape when it’s used for sound effects in spooky movies because they think it should be taken seriously. God, some people have issues.

So there you have it, more weird instruments to listen to.

I’m Gonna Sue Your Ass!

I didn’t think it would be possible, but the Celebrity Butt Plug thing I posted about last month just got even funnier.

It seems that there’s more than one company making butt plug President Bush’s, and feeling that there’s only room for one President in the hearts and cracks of the public, these 2 companies are now in a legal battle over who has the right to produce them.

I hope they show this case on Court TV, because hearing judges and lawyers being forced to say words like butt plug would make it more than worth paying for cable.