Not That This Happens To Any Of You Or Anything

Last Updated on: 15th August 2013, 09:14 am

The Top 10 Ways to Tell Your Spouse Is Bored With Sex

10> The guys at the gym inform you that someone made out a grocery list on your back.

9> She keeps complaining that the kids will interrupt you, even though they’re both over 30 and live more than 500 miles away.

8> You spend all day making a romantic dinner hoping for some intimacy, and when she comes home and sees it, the ONLY thing she says is, “Leftovers tomorrow?”

7> She stares at the ceiling? A little bored. She watches TV? Bored. She pops zits on your back? Extremely bored!

6> The only things HE thinks about doing in the shower anymore is turning up the hot water so the farts smell worse.

5> She says she needs something to help her sleep. Then she puts away the Sominex, hands you a condom, and says “Go to it!”

4> Not only does she decline sex with me, she actually looks forward to bland domestic chores like greeting the milkman and the mailman.

3> Not only is he watching the game during sex, he’s also online managing his fantasy team.

2> Insists on keeping the chat window open and the keyboard really close, “just in case.”

and the Number 1 Way to Tell Your Spouse Is Bored With Sex…

1> Instead of making the minimal effort to fake an orgasm, she plays a tape recording of a fake orgasm.

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