Who Wants Some Facon?

And now, Brother Brad is here to tell you how to make vegan bacon in case that’s a thing you’d like to do for some reason.

It seems that a Brainiac named Johan Lundstrom, in some basement lab somewhere has come up with something they’re calling vegan bacon

If the very mention of the word vegan has you running in the other direction, we might as well run together.

If you are one of those whackjobs that is in to that sort of thing, what is wrong with you, Umm, I mean, here’s how the stuff is made. It’s not as frightening as I would’ve thought, but still.

  • 2 cups unsweetened coconut flakes
    coconut flakes in a stainless measuring cup
  • 2 tablespoons tamari, soy sauce, or amino acids
  • 1 tablespoon neutral, high-heat oil of choice
  • 1 tablespoon maple syrup
  • 1 tablespoon apple cider vinegar
  • 2 teaspoons smoked paprika
  • 1 teaspoon white miso
  • Freshly ground black pepper to taste

How to Make Plant-Based Bacon

  1. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit.
  2. In a medium bowl, stir together the tamari, oil, maple syrup, apple cider vinegar, smoked paprika, and miso.
  3. Pour the coconut flakes into the bowl and stir gently to combine.
  4. If you’re feeling patient, letting the flakes marinate for five minutes will yield a richer flavor.
  5. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper and evenly spread the flakes across it. Try to keep the flakes from clustering together.
    marinated coconut flakes ready for baking
  6. Place the tray in the oven and bake for 5 minutes.
  7. Remove the tray, stir the flakes well, and again, ensure they’re spread evenly across the sheet before placing back in the oven.
  8. Next, bake the flakes for 9 – 12 more minutes, removing the tray from the oven every three minutes and stirring the flakes. This will ensure the flakes crisp up evenly and prevent burning. Coconut flakes can burn quite easily!
  9. Time will vary depending on your oven and how crispy you like your “bacon.” We like the flakes to be mostly dry, golden on the edges, and crisp to the touch.
  10. Fans of crispy bacon, allow the flakes to cool on the sheet for ten minutes. If you like your bacon chewier, use it right out of the oven or remove from the sheet to cool.

There is a small part of me, a very small part, that almost wants to try this just out of curiosity. It’s never going to happen, but I’d be interested to hear if any of you took the plunge.

Eat up!

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    1. Go easy on the poor thing. It had quite a few bacon-fueled atrocities to sort through, plus it found the cherpumple, which is Brad’s favourite word in the English language, I’m pretty certain.

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