It’s been a good while since somebody has gotten in touch to get upset by a joke, but since someone recently did, it’s time for your occasional reminder that these are jokes. They are neither personal opinions nor personal attacks, and they are not always for everyone. They range from complete silliness to things that some of you probably aren’t going to like. It has been this way since 2003 and there are no plans for that to change. If you think that might be a problem for you, you’re welcomed to move on to the next thing.
With that taken care of…
*”A man from Thailand spent three extra years in an Indonesian prison because of a typo. It turns out he only ‘ROPED’ a cow.”
-Jimmy Fallon
*Dogs can’t operate MRI machines, but catscan.
*Two wind turbines are standing out in a field. One turns to the other and asks, “What kind of music do you like?”
The second replies, “I’m a huge metal fan.”
*Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Ahh.
Ahh who?
Werewolves of London.
*My wife just gave birth today, and after thanking the doctor I pulled him aside and sheepishly asked, ‘How soon do you think we’ll be able to have sex?’
He winked at me and said, ‘I’m off duty in 10 minutes. Meet me in the parking garage.’
*I was washing my car with my Son the other day when he asked:
“Dad, could you not just use a sponge?”
*I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
*My friend says to me: “What rhymes with orange?” I said: “No it doesn’t!”
*Q: Why can’t dinosaurs clap?
A: Because they’re dead!
*A guy is sitting at a bar, talking to the bartender.
“I gotta dump my wife,” he says. “She cheats when we play board games.”
“Is that really a big deal?” asks the bartender.
“Damn right it is!” says the guy. Last night my kids & I were inside playing Monopoly and there she was, out in the garage sucking off the landscaper.”
*Two priests are in the shower. One notices that the other is wearing a Nicoderm patch on his johnson.
Curious, he asks “Is it working?”
“Yeah,” says the other. “I’m down to three butts a week!”
