A new study released by 2 researchers from the University of Toronto claims that rather than hurting the English language,the use of instant messaging is actually making it stronger and making people more articulate. I don’t know what data they’re looking at and really, who am I to call bullshit on scientists, but I feel …
Author Archives: Steve Wettlaufer
No, I’m Not Shaking Your Hand, And I’m Definitley Not Smelling Your Finger
We all get lonely sometimes, but lonely enough to pay $15 for a bottle of stuff that smells like a vagina that we can dab on our hands to make jerking off just a little more realistic? The erotic and intimate scent of an irresistible woman has been encapsulated into a small glass bottle, not …
Continue reading “No, I’m Not Shaking Your Hand, And I’m Definitley Not Smelling Your Finger”
Touch Gloves, And Come Out Ready To Defend Yourself
We established long ago thatpunching out a jury member during your trialis a bad idea, and now, thanks to William Lehman, we can tell you thatlaying a whoopin’ on your public defender in open court with everybody watchingisn’t a good idea either. In fact, it’s such a bad idea that doing so could see you …
Continue reading “Touch Gloves, And Come Out Ready To Defend Yourself”
Ride ‘Em Cowboy
I’m not trying to be insensitive or anything, but I have to ask. If you’re holding a “gay rodeo” with the idea that it will help fight stereotypes, why in God’s name are people dressing goats in pink underwear and decorating cows? To me that just seems…gay. “This proves that we are normal,” said Jen …
That’ll Teach The Little Bastards
Kids Who Skip School In Balt. Likely To Be Shot The story is actually about the results of a study that found that kids who have bad school records are more likely to be killed or injured in shootings, but I post it mainly for the headline in the faint hope that it might finally …
Glad To Hear That
Great tits cope well with warming I think this story is about birds or something, but I was too busy giggling like a moron to tell for sure.
I’m Becky Miller, And I Approved This Message…Or Did I?
Carrollton, Texas Mayor Becky Miller has lived quite the life, the only problem is that she hasn’t. And to make matters worse, the Dallas Morning News has decided to call her out on it. the paper has been systematically debunking her various claims, among them that she used to sing backup for both Linda Ronstadt …
Continue reading “I’m Becky Miller, And I Approved This Message…Or Did I?”
My Grandpa Can Beat Up Your Policeman
I’ve got all the respect in the world for police officers, but when 3 of them can’t subdue an 82-year-old man in a hospital bed hooked to an oxygen tank without hitting him 3 times with a Taser, it’s time to find a new line of work, preferably one that never allows them to roam …
I Couldn’t Come Up With Things This Stupid If They Paid Me
It’s amazing. Just when you start thinking that maybe the folks at the RIAA might be growing a clue, something like this hits the news. According to RIAA technology head David Hughes, digital rights management software is not dead, and even though the trend now is to sell regular mp3’s that people can use when, …
Continue reading “I Couldn’t Come Up With Things This Stupid If They Paid Me”
Going Down?
Killed in a recent car accident [though unfortunately for joke tellers everywhere not one that involved a large drop] is 26-year-oldDeeceenda Hill.