All Thumbs And No Clothes

Neal Marshall may want to think twice the next time he feels like texting and driving. Then again, that’s a lot to ask of a guy who appears incapable of thinking once. The court heard how, on the afternoon of August 8, a HGV driver was driving on the M56 when he spotted Marshall steering …

Tower, Do I Have Clearance To Unleash The Beast?

When it comes to the case of Shawn Harvell,, I dont’ know if I’m more creeped out or jealous of the lucky son of a bitch. Police said a Metro officer driving on 38th Street near Lawndale Avenue was flagged down by two women. One woman, 29, told the officer that Harvell approached her on …

Do they Have Taco Bell In England? That Might Explain the Fire Extinguisher Part, At Least

They don’t come right out and say it, but I think it’s a good bet that alcohol may have been a factor during Joseph Small’s hotel stay. Those fire extinguisher hoses don’t just put themselves in there, after all. Joseph Small, 20, threw his clothes off and grabbed the appliance from the fourth floor of …

Looks Like The Book Is Closed On His New Hobby

I’ve heard of being banned from a single library, from every library in town or even every library in the county. But being told to stay out of every library on earth as a condition of your $1000 bond? Pretty sure that’s a new one. But that’s what happened to Tyree S. Carter of Racine, …

Did He Ask For It Back?

If you remember the story a friend sent in about the fellow who used an electric toothbrush on the end opposite to that which the good lord intended, you might enjoy this guy livetweeting his trip to the ER for the removal of a vibrating dildo, complete with photos and life lessons. Life Lesson: When …

He Shoots, But If He Could Score He Wouldn’t Be Doing This Kind Of Thing

Ok seriously, what in the actual hell is going on here? Yesterday I mentioned the recent proliferation of tubesnake tales on the site, and woke up this morning thinking that maybe today would be a day where we could talk about something else for awhile. In an attempt to make that happen, I decided to …

Do I Also Have The Right To Stay Here A Few Minutes Longer, Officer?

Good idea: Speaking politely to the nice officers when they ask you questions. Bad idea: Politely requesting that those officers not arrest you just yet because you aren’t quite finished masturbating on the staircase. About 3:35 p.m. Wednesday police were called about a man masturbating in an alley just south of Rainier Avenue South and …