I’m Donald Trump…Or Am I

I’m giving this one a soundtrack because we need to get it in before it’s too late to be topical. Tempting as it may be, there are more productive ways of voicing your displeasure with Donald Trump and his supporters than showing up at one of his rallies and vandalizing the cars there with peanut …

Keep Your Promises, And These Pumpkin Seeds

A woman in Hamilton is being questioned by the RCMP and could potentially be facing charges after engaging in a 1-sided food feud with Justin Trudeau. A woman who threw pumpkin seeds at Prime Minister Justin Trudeau in Hamilton today is being questioned by the RCMP. Trudeau was leaving city hall after meeting with the …

“Here, Have Some Pork Chops.” “Here, Have A Punch In The Chops.”

It’s hard to sort out exactly what happened here in large part because police describe half the problem as “intoxicated” and the other half as “extremely intoxicated” to the point that it wasn’t able to finish giving a statement, but what seems clear is that William Welch and his wife got into a dust-up over …

With A Corncob Pipe And A…Well, Just A Corncob Pipe, Really

I don’t know why, but apparently Jeffrey Osella and his unidentified neighbour aren’t on the best of terms. Haven’t been for 13 years, it says here. Anyway, the other night the two got into a shouting match over something or other as happens now and then, and Mr. Osella found himself not content with merely …

The Doughnuts Won’t Be The Only Things With Holes In Them, You Uncaring Son Of A…!

I’m not sure if you guys are aware of this, but it’s 2016 and telephone technology is rather trivial to come by. I feel like maybe if Timothy Nelson had been among the aware, perhaps all of this could have been avoided. According to a police report, Timothy Nelson “went to get doughnuts for his …

Run For The Right Toppings While You Run From Mom

For the second time in a week, we have a Taco Bell burrito related incident. Unlike last time, the burrito wasn’t the weapon, though it can be argued that anything from Taco Bell should be considered a dangerous instrument. In this case, the burrito and its incorrect toppings were the spark that started a fight …

You’re Dead Meat! Cheeseburger Meat, To Be Specific

Let the record show that 2016’s first food feud death has taken place and involves one brother shooting another when an argument over a cheeseburger got way out of hand. A Florida man is facing first-degree murder charges after police say he shot and killed his brother during an argument over a cheeseburger. “We were …

Finally, A Decent Use For A Taco Bell Burrito

Early on Tuesday morning, Sheriff’s deputies responded to a house in Crestview, Florida, after receiving reports of a disturbance. There they found 51-year-old Suzanne Hulvert with a fork protruding from her right hand. How did it get there, you ask. Well, turns out that 66-year-old Carl Owen Smith (A.K.A. her husband) stuck it there during …