A growing number of complete fucking dorks are paying big money to consultants to help them come up with names for their children. But as stupid as this is, at least it offers some explanation for how we wind up with dumbshits trying to name innocent infants who have never done a bad thing to …
Category Archives: news
Speaking Of Running Gags
Here’s one from the You Named That Kid What? Files. Pat and Sheena Wheaton said they decided to name their new baby “4real” shortly after having an ultrasound and being struck by the reality of his impending arrival. “For most of us, when we try to figure out what our names mean, we have to …
A New Trend To Follow
I don’t know if anybody else has picked up on this or not, but I’ve been noticing something odd about the news lately. Over the last few weeks, there has been an unusually high number of stories dealing with people whose names somehow relate to the situation that caused them to make headlines in the …
Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Make Shitty Movie
When people ask me why I never go to the movies and why I don’t care when stuff comes out on DVD, I always have a million ways to answer their questions. And as of this very moment, I now haveone more.Yes, “Monopoly: The Movie” could soon be coming to a theatre near you. FILM …
Tone Death
If the urge strikes you to go to the Philippines, and while you’re there, you feel the need to go to a karaoke bar and sing, make sure you *can* sing. If not, you may die. That’s what happened to a poor unfortunate soul named Romy Baligula. He was halfway through a song, I don’t …
Beating A Who With A What Now?
Steve told me about this story, and he’s right. The next passage contains the best words to be written down since a police officer said someone was punching vegetation. Durango, CO11:08 a.m. A man on Westwood Place said his girlfriend was beating a miniature Chihuahua with a spatula. And that’s the whole story. That leaves …
>I Think Somebody’s A Little Squirrely
>Are squirrels super valuable in Israel? If not, do any of you have another way to explainthis?I hope so, because I’ve got nothin’, at least nothin’ better than mental illness. The victim, whose name was not released, said he was carrying his pet squirrel in his fanny pack when Surami grabbed it and tried to …
Pencil Sharpeners Don’t Kill People, Idiots With Pencil Sharpeners Kill People
Some days I find myself thinking that we really ought to just wipe the world clean and start over. After seeingthis,it’s safe to say that today is definitely one of them. First it was the shatterproof ruler. Then came the compass with a soft point. Now one of the UK’s biggest stationery manufacturers is redesigning …
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Ok, I Think I’ve Just Officially Heard It All
Thisis one of the most ridiculous explanations I’ve heard for anything in the entire history of ever. A Rochester man who said his poor eyesight caused him to molest his girlfriend’s prepubescent daughter was ordered to prison today. Monroe County Court Judge Frank P. Geraci Jr. sentenced Eric Kennedy, 38, to 12 years behind bars …
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Come On Baby Light My Face
Here’s another one for the hahahaha! files. A man broke into a convenience store, grabbed some lottery tickets, and set the place ablaze. But while he was spraying the surveillance camera, he set fire to his face. The camera survived and got a pretty good shot of our friend. By some strange feat, he still …