Of all the sites on the internet, this is one.
Just a quick note to let you all know that I’ve got some new stuff posted over at The Ham which you can read by
clicking here.
This week I pick some Grammy winners and Carin explains why “Hit That” is a good song. So go check it out, it’s the best thing you’ll read until you read something else.
I can’t figure out why this happens but it’s extremely amusing. Go to
Google
and type the words “miserable failure” including the quotes into the search box and then hit the I’m feeling lucky button and have a look at where it goes. And before you ask, no, I’m not spending my days typing random phrases into search engines to see what I find. I found this while doing actual work, seriously.
Just a quick note. The comments are back up and working. I still need to do some format work to make those ugly little numbers dissapear but it is functional if you decide you want to comment on something.
Thanks for your patience, everyone.
I hate having to do stuff like this and I really wish that people would stop making it necissary. I got a complaint yesterday from our friend Carin who has written things for this site that somebody who we know reads this site regularly has gone out, found her email address and added it to his or her email forwarding distribution list. This is not good and Carin has asked me to tell this person in no uncertain terms to cut it the fuck out. So person reading this, and you should know who you are, don’t let it happen again, please. Carin isn’t somebody you really want on your bad side, trust me. I’m telling you this for your own sake.
Thank you and good day.
It seems like I’ve finally gotten over the flu I’ve had for the last 3 days or so. All I have to do now is get my sleeping patterns back on track again, or at least as on track as my sleeping patterns ever get and I’ll be set. This makes me happy.
Another thing that’s been making me happy is Future Shop. I ordered something from them for the first time yesterday and it got here today. Yes, that’s right, I said today. It only took them about 24 hours to get my stuff to me, and the shipping was free. The place is going to make me go broke buying CD’s I swear.
In yet another piece of good news, Harry And The Hendersons wasn’t on at 5:30 this morning, making my sleep deprivation a lot easier to deal with. I attribute this good fortune to the fact that the powers that be over at
The New PL read Vomit Comet religiously every day and upon seeing what I had to say yesterday, realized what a stupid idea airing that show is, even in such a shitty timeslot and decided to put an end to it.
By the way, I should mention that this post is more than likely not going to contain anything of importance. If you don’t want to read the rest of it, too late, you already have.
Well, one of our more intellectually gifted Vomiteers has written in with 2 new Rejected Christmas carols and he has even taken the time to write out the lyrics too. Much thank you…. Well we’ll call you Lunchbox’s friend. Here they are….
“anyway, the point of this email is to deliver you two famous christmas carols that i have whittingly (not sure if that is an actual word) rewrote.
song 1
we three kings were driving a car
but we didnt get very far
we were loaded and we drove it
into another car
ohhhhhhhh
when we hit it we took flight
we went flying through the night
when we landed our lives ended
i know that im missing a line, but they are dead, how can they finish singing when they are dead.
song 2
jimmy the big hosed reindeer
had a 35″ hose
and if you ever saw it
youd be like “thats a big hose”
none of the other reindeer
ever got to get a piece
they always knew ol’ jimmy
would be the one to fill the crease
then one night one deer named roy
went to jimmys house
he cut off his willy with a ginsu knife
and said “im going to do some hos tonight”
now all the reindeer loved it
they could finally get a piece
jimmy the big hosed reindeer
your member is now decised
there you go, hope you liked them”
Well, there they are. Some tunes sure to be classics soon enough. I am the last person in the world who should criticize someone’s grammar or spelling but… whittingly? Ah well. Different strokes for different folks and frequent strokes for this singing bloke.
More later,
If I needed any more proof that having the flu sucked major league amounts of ass, I got it at about 5:30 this morning. Since my sleep is even more screwed up than usual these last few days I’m up at odd hours watching TV for lack of much else to do or the energy to do it if I had to. So there I am, flipping channels trying to find something to help me go back to sleep when I see something that I thought I would never see again. Ok, let me rephrase that. Something I hoped I’d never see again. Right there in front of me on channel 16 was a rerun of one of the stupidest shows in TV history. Harry And The Hendersons.
For those of you who aren’t familiar with the greatness that is Harry, I’ll be kind and fill you in. Around 1987 the Harry And The Henderson’s movie came out. It was a cute kids movie kind of deal about a family that happens upon Bigfoot while out camping or something. I can’t remember how they found him, for some reason I’m thinking they hit him with their car but that’s neither here nor there. If anybody knows, shoot me an email or leave it on the new comment boards when they’re up. But anyway, the family decides for whatever reason that they’re going to take this big bastard into their home for awhile, I suppose to nurse him back to health since they just finished putting a vehicle up his ass. One thing leads to another and the family grows to love Harry in spite of all of the hilarious trouble he gets the family into and all of the stuff he breaks. They decide to keep him as their pet and as their friend even though they know that they’ll have to go to great lengths to hide him from the Bigfoot hunters and the people who live near them who are quite rightly suspicious when they see that the folks next door have a big fucking unidentified animal living with them. Pretty ok concept for a movie when left on it’s own. Heck, I remember thinking it was pretty cool back in the day. Of course, the key part of all of this is “when left on it’s own,” which it wasn’t.
Flash forward to 1991 when somebody decides that this movie would make a mighty fine TV show. How he got anybody else to see things his way is something I’m only failing to comprehend a little bit less than how it managed to last for 2 years. Seriously, this show was like ALF, only lame. Yeah, this show was exactly what ALF would have looked like if ALF was a Bigfoot and if all of the funny parts were cut out, and if you replaced the Tanner family with people who couldn’t act their way out of a wet paper bag and changed their name to Henderson. Oh yeah, don’t forget to replace the good writing with whatever it was they were serving us here. And while we’re changing things, replace all of ALF’s witty dialogue with classic lines like “grrrrrr” and “errrrrg.”
Now having said all of this I have to shamefully admit that for a short time I was a fan of this show. I used to watch it with my brother and sister and all the exposure started to go to my head. Thankfully, even the kids, who were 5 and 3 at the time soon realized just how fucking idiotic this show was and didn’t want to watch it anymore. And when you consider that we’re dealing with kids who still watched Sesame Street for years to come, that’s pathetic.
Good Day to you all,
Well, I just did some online ordering from ticketmaster.com and I must say that I am most displeased. It’s very rare that I do anything online that has to do with my money as there are just too many things that can go wrong. Lately, I’ve become more adventerous though making a few smaller purchases. But for anything big I tend to do it in person or with my credit card over the phone.
But today I figured I would book online with my Visa. So I go through the hole song and dance with the event and number of tickets and move on to the next stage with no major problems. Then I go through and put in all my mailing information and we’re still in good shape as we move to the next page. I put in all my credit card information. Now at this point you click on a button that says “Buy Tickets Now”. Above this button is IN BOLD LETTERS a quote that says the following. “Upon clicking this link, your credit card will be charged and there will be NO refunds or exchanges. All sales are final.”. Well that’s ok, right? I mean I want these tickets. So I click….
“An Error Has Occurred.”
What? What the fuck? What error? This is my credit card and my MONEY we’re talking about here. I don’t want ANY errors. So I try to refresh the screen….
“This page cannot be refreshed as it has expired.”
FUCK!!!! So, here’s where I stand. I’ve just given information and permission for them to rip $200.00 out of my pocket but have no idea if they’ve done it or not. At that point, a confirmation page should have appeared…. but none did. I should have received a confirmation e-mail…. but I didn’t. Well of course I didn’t. That e-mail is triggered by the display of the Confirmation page in your browser which, as well all know, NEVER APPEARED!!!
So, by this time, I’m cursing the internet and my computer up and down. If I click over and do this again there’s a chance I will end up with TWO sets of tickets for the same event which is, not only, pointless, but also, not gonna be good for my bank account. But! If I do not do it again and wait the seven days that they say my tickets will show up in and do not get them the event will be sold out and I will not be going, and neither will the good people who put their faith in me to get these tickets for us. (they had no choice, I’m the only one with a visa but still…)
So I sit in anger at my desk wondering where to go from here. I decide to call these people. I use the “Back” button on the browser to go to the page which shows me what seats I was going to end up with figuring that between having that info, and all my credit card info the people at the Ticket agency will be able to tell me if the purchase went through or not. Well….. it’s not that simple apparently.
“I’m sorry sir. We’re not permitted to give you that information.”
WHAT???? You’re not permitted to tell me if I JUST BOUGHT TICKETS FROM YOU?????
“Sir. Please calm down. We can’t tell you because we have no way to know if it is you or someone else who may want to know where you are.”
I HAVE the credit card information here to prove it.
“Sir, you could have stolen the credit card or the info. We have no way to know if you are the legal card holder or a thief.”
What difference does it make? If I’m a theif, I’m the same damn one that just bought tickets now tell me if my crime spree was successful or not!
“Sir, your attitude does not help the situation. I will pass you on to my manager.”
Please do.
So after speaking with the manager for another 15 minutes we finally worked something out and he was able to tell me that the purchase did not go through and help me get set up with better seats than I would have originally gotten so I suppose in the end things turned out alright… but it was a long long trip to get to that destination.
I Hate Computers
Welcome to Thursday. I’m Steve, otherwise known as the member of the Vomit Comet staff who can spell. Unfortunately, I’m also still the member of the Vomit Comet staff with the flu, and the one with a wonky computer. One of those problems seems to be fixed now but sadly, it ain’t the flu. Oh well, at least while I’m stuck here wasting away I’ll have a computer to use.
My computer and I have this love hate relationship going on, kind of like Matt and a spellchecker. It sucks. I’m always super nice to this damn thing and I’m constantly doing things to it to make sure it runs properly and that it’s secure from any sort of pests getting into it. In return for my kindness, all I expect from it is that it will behave at a level close to stable. When you’re dealing with a Windows computer you can’t expect much, what can I say? Most of the time, it’s pretty cool to me, especially after I bought it more ram. It doesn’t crash much on average, I’ve never had any sort of serious failures, and I can pretty much trust it to do everything I need it to do. But then there are times like yesterday when it just goes insane on me for no reason. Seriously, I couldn’t do much of anything without something causing an error in something else that I couldn’t explain. They’re the kind of errors that you never have and can’t figure out why you’re having, but the ones that just serve to generally piss you off and mess up everything. So you set about trying to do everything in your power to figure them out, before eventually giving up and running every system maintenance tool you have, taking up about 12 hours of your time…and finding nothing. But then, just as suddenly as the problems started, they’re gone. I hate computers.
But on to other topics. Right now on the front page of
Salty Ham
there is a poll asking what new feature you would most like to see added to the site. Go there and give us your opinion, because if you don’t vote, you don’t count. It’s not like you have to write a big essay on the benefits of having more movie reviews either, all you have to do is click a button to pick your choice. Go there, do that, come back, I’ll wait.
…
Ok, are we all back on the bus now? Good.
I’m not sure what sort of story Matt is writing, but I’m looking forward to seeing it. I just hope it’s in English. Seriously, I’m sure it’s going to be good so keep checking back to see what that’s all about.
Thanks again to
Karine
for hooking us up with a new commenting service for the site. Hopefully we’ll have that all up and running in the next few days or so. I would also like to encourage all of you not to use Squawkbox to handle your commenting needs, because as we found out they try to strongarm you into paying way too much for shitty service. Fuck them and the horse they rode in on. The new one will be much nicer, and much cheaper. Just the fact that the free one has more features than the paid Squawkbox, and that the paid version of what we’re going to be using is about 20 dollars cheaper and you don’t even have to give them that much makes me feel a lot better.
Ok, this post has no real point to it so I’m ending it now. I’ll try to come up with something else for later on and I’m sure Matt will be back with something at some point. If we’re lucky, maybe it’ll even be something that doesn’t suck. Hey, a man can dream.
Well, right now I’m in the middle of work, a column due today for Salty Ham Sports and the first chapter of a story that I’ve decided to write so you loyal visitors have been rejected today. Well. I’ll put an end to that. And it’s not like there’s been any shortage of stuff to read here anyway as our good friend, Steve has done a couple of solid posts. Let’s all bow down to him.
I will get to the comments. I promise. I’m just a bit busy these days and when I get home from work (when I should be doing this stuff) I don’t really feel like jumping back on the computer right away and before I know it, the night is over. But I’ll get to it. Be patient, kiddies.
So last night the Leafs ran their winning streak to 6 games thanks in large part to the continued improved of Owen Nolan. The guy’s a beast and he hasn’t really looked like himself since he got to Toronto but he’s turned it on lately. His goal last night was typical Owen Nolan hockey where he used his skill to make a couple of New York defensemen look like school children and then his size to crash the net. It’s good to see him back on his game with Roberts and Mogilny out.
So it’s only 22 days until the big fat man makes his trip around the world. No, not Steve. Our good friend Santa and I couldn’t be happier. I love this time of year but I have a certain schedule that I keep where by Xmas Eve I’m usually just about sick of it and won’t no more to do with it. I just get that feeling though that I’m ahead of schedule this year. I started with my own Xmas stuff a little earlier than normal so I fear my tollerance for it may also run out a bit earlier than usual. May be a good idea to stay away from me in between Dec. 18 and 24. I know Xmas is the 25th but no matter how sick of it you are, you can’t be grumpy on Xmas day.
This also means that I’m only 28 days away from New Years Even which I am eagerly anticipating this year more than most as I have been promised by Steve a great time which better be the case. The last few New Years haven’t been overly spectacular and I’m looking for something big this year. Don’t let me down you water retaining sea cow.
Lastly, for now, I’d like to send a shout out to the coolest Lil Punk I know. Happy b-day, girly. Sorry I couldn’t be there but I’m sure you’ll have a blast anyway.
Well that’s it for now. I’ll try and get back later with something else… maybe something a bit more interesting and try to throw out today’s Rejected Christmas Carol of the day.
So until then, this is your Lord and Master, Matt saying…. I really don’t like Steve much