“So What’d You Get For Christmas?” “I Got My Affairs In Order!”

I’ve seen several news stories in the last couple of years about how Christmas is the worst time of year for heart attacks. It makes some sense. the holidays, fun as they can be, are also a pretty stressful time for many. Money, Travel, family disagreements, your doctor’s office texting you that you have terminal cancer…all of that can add up to a whole lot of extra anxiety. So please fill out this end of life form, if you don’t mind.

A photo showing the accidental text and the apology sent an hour later.
We wish you a scary Christmas and you soon won’t be here.

The mass text from Askern Medical Practice in Doncaster was sent out on December 23, according to the BBC. In it, the practice says that the doctor has asked the recipient to fill out a form DS1500 – which according another U.K. hospital system is meant for people who have a terminal illness to apply for benefits. The text also tells recipients they have been diagnosed with “aggressive lung cancer with metastases.”
In a second text, patients were asked to accept the center’s “sincere apologies.” 
“This has been sent in error,” it states. “Our message to you should have read We wish you a very merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.”
The center, which has roughly 8,000 patients according to the BBC, has not publicly commented on the mishap. The practice’s last news release, issued in September, recognized the “excellent feedback from patients regarding telephone consultations.”

A List of Low Bandwidth, Easy To Read News Resources

Since a lot of news websites are cluttered as hell, it can be hard to find and consume what you’re looking for. this is true if you’re blind like me and want to beat the shit out of the next video/ad/countdown timer that won’t stop interrupting the screen reader or bouncing it all over the place, or even if you’re just a normal person who would like to quickly find some news and needs to do so without using a lot of bandwidth. If either of those use cases sounds like you, then this list of text only and lightweight interfaces for popular sites might be what you need.

It’s pretty light on Canadian content (so far CBC and Radio Canada are the only ones listed), but there’s quite a bit to work with here. There are even a few minimal interfaces for places like Twitter, Reddit and YouTube.

I Finally Had Everybody’s Teeth Dream

It took me nearly 44 years of being alive and nine since writing this, but last night I finally had a my teeth are falling out dream. It wasn’t very exciting and technically the tooth didn’t fall out by itself, but it’s as close as I’ve gotten.

I was sitting at a table in either a house or a restaurant, I’m not certain which it was (What am I, some nimrod from a Pizza Hut commercial?). There were a bunch of people there, most of whom I didn’t recognize from real life. As I was eating, I noticed that one of my teeth near the back felt a little off. Without excusing myself, I just stuck my fingers right on in there, wiggled it, and pop, out it came. The strangest part was that nobody appeared to notice any of this, and that I was shockingly ok with it. In fact, it seemed to somehow immediately improve the positioning of a few of my weird ass teeth.

I woke up after that and almost forgot the whole thing. I didn’t even manage to tell Carin about it this morning. It only came back to me a few minutes ago while I was in the bathroom thinking about brushing my teeth, which are still weird ass.

I wonder if this is the only one of these I’ll ever have, or if now that the seal is broken the floodgates will have opened up and I’ll be doing it on the regular.

Well Boys, Have I Got A Deal For You!

The story itself is a bit old, but the idea of drive drunk, damage car, head to dealership and attempt to sell damaged car is new to me.

Officers say the calls started coming in around 4:40 p.m. Monday.
They say witnesses reported seeing a SUV hit the median of the Lloyd Expressway near the Main Street exit. They say the crash caused a flat tire and the car to smoke, but the driver kept going.
Other callers say the driver was all over the road and now missing a front tire.

They say he eventually stopped at a car dealership and appeared “super drunk.”
Employees told police the driver, 30-year-old Jordon Mattingly, was trying to sell his SUV.
Police say he had swelling and scratches as if he had just been in a crash.
They say Mattingly smelled of alcohol and almost fell several times.

They went on to say that they found alcohol in his car and that he tested 3.5 times over the legal limit, which explains quite a bit here, I think.

By the way, if you’re looking at the name Mattingly and thinking to yourself that it sounds familiar, that’s because Jordan is the son of former baseball player/manager and current Blue Jays bench coach Don Mattingly.

Inside The CHFI Control Room In 1971

This won’t be for everyone, but if you’re fascinated by what goes on in radio station control rooms or at least what used to go on in there, nearly a half hour of audio recorded during a morning show on 680 CHFI Toronto in the spring of 1971 might be fun.

You can download the file here if you have trouble with the player.

Yes, for a while, CHFI was the name of two different stations. The AM one would become CFTR in June, so not long after this recording was made.

The host is Gerry Herbert, but I don’t know the name of the board operator.

It’s interesting to hear how what we hear over the air comes together. The records being cued, the cart machines being loaded for the commercials, which helicopter is handling which traffic report, how much time there is to talk before a song kicks in (to hit the post as they say in radio), the back and forth about the order of things.

Your ears are not deceiving you. They’re giving the temperature in Fahrenheit. Canada didn’t go metric until 1975.

Oh, and I can only assume that the McAdorey that one of them calls a “funny cat” at one point is Bob, who did stints on the Radio in Guelph and Toronto but is probably best known for his years on Global TV.

I Am the Very Model Of A Newsgroup Personality

This one dates back to at least 2002, but still seems pretty relevant to current internet times. I’m not sure who wrote it. The only guess I’ve managed to find is novelist Tom Holt, but that’s just somebody’s guess. Great job, whoever you are.

I am the very model of a Newsgroup personality.
I intersperse obscenity with tedious banality.
Addresses I have plenty of, both genuine and ghosted too, On all the
countless newsgroups that my drivel is cross-posted to. Your bandwidth I
will fritter with my whining and my snivelling, And you’re the one who
pays the bill, downloading all my drivelling. My enemies are numerous,
and no-one would be blaming you For cracking my head open after I’ve
been rudely flaming you.
I hate to lose an argument (by now I should be used to it). I wouldn’t
know a valid point if I were introduced to it. My learning is extensive
but consists of mindless trivia, Designed to fan my ego, which is larger
than Bolivia. The comments that I vomit forth, disguised as jest and
drollery, Are really just an exercise in unremitting trollery. I say I’m
frank and forthright, but that’s merely lies and vanity, The gibberings
of one who’s at the limits of his sanity.
If only I could get a life, as many people tell me to; If only Mom could
find a circus freak-show she could sell me to; If I go off to Zanzibar
to paint the local scenery; If I lose all my fingers in a mishap with
machinery; If I survive to twenty, which is somewhat problematical; If
what I post was more mature, or slightly more grammatical; If I could
learn to spell a bit, and maybe even punctuate; Would I still be the
loathsome and objectionable punk you hate?
But while I have this tiresome urge to prance around and show my face,
It simply isn’t safe for normal people here in cyberspace. To stick me
in Old Sparky and turn on the electricity Would be a fitting punishment
for tasteless crass duplicity. I always have the last word; so, with
uttermost finality, That’s all from me, the model of a Newsgroup
personality. “

I Appreciate Your Honesty, You Bloodthirsty, Murderous Douche

In America, there exists at least one honest Republican. I can hardly believe it.

In response to yet another deadly shooting in an elementary school, Tennessee Representative Tim Burchett finally decided to cut the shit and say what everyone has always known to be true. “We’re not gonna fix it.”

He’s not wrong when he says that there will always be criminals no matter what you do. But if we’re going to use that fact as an excuse for not lifting a finger to do the bare ass minimum to save even one more family from having to bury their 9-year-old, then let’s go all the way. Disband all of the police forces, close all the prisons, tear up all the laws and just let everybody fuckin’ go nuts. Why not? People are bad. We can’t fix ’em. Might as well let ’em do what they’re gonna do. Think of the time and money we’ll save.

I hope that I live long enough to see a day in America where gun rights no longer trump human ones. But before that can happen, I’ll need to see a day when the Democrats finally grow a spine and do…something. Telling people to vote harder isn’t enough, you clowns. You’ve come to power because more people reject extreme Republican ideals than don’t. It’s far beyond time to start using that power to do some goddamn good in this world. Don’t worry about the feelings of the pro-life baby killers on the other side. They’re not voting for you anyway. Getting weapons of war out of the hands of civilians should not be controversial at this point, nor should it be something that you’re afraid to do. It’s not enough anymore to act shocked and sad and then say something that basically amounts to “shucks, we’ve tried nothing and we’re all out of ideas. Sure hope this doesn’t happen again.”

At this rate, your country might as well be a one party system. There’s not a lot nice to say about Republicans, but one thing you’ve got to hand to them is that they’re good at getting things done. Most of those things are pure evil to a sane person, but at least they can stand firm or move when they believe in something. Half the time I’m not even sure what Democrats believe in, other than not rocking any boat hard enough to annoy anyone who might yell at them. It’s pretty crazy to find myself wishing that the Democrats could be more Republican, but here I am, and here we all should be.

The reality is that Republicans are willing to live with school shootings so long as Americans are able to own high-powered semi-automatic killing machines. And if they have to pick between retaining that privilege and sparing children from violent death, they’ll pick the former. Rep. Tim Burchett (R-Tenn.) acknowledged this reality on Monday.
“We’re not going to fix it,” he told reporters.

Burchett has opposed restrictions on gun ownership in the past. He touts on his website that he “sponsored legislation to expand gun rights,” and that he is a lifetime NRA member. He’s previously called for improvements to mental health care and security at schools as ways to potentially stem school shootings, but he seems to have realized now that this isn’t going to help.

“I don’t see any real role that we could do other than mess things up,” he added on Monday when asked what role Congress might be able to play. He then prescribed a “revival” of Christianity in America.

I Here That This Is A Vary Good Right Up

Voice dictation is a pretty amazing technological achievement. That it can take what we spew out of our mumbling mouths and turn much of it into accurate, readable text is really quite the thing. But it’s also a case of two things being true simultaneously, because let’s be honest, it kind of sucks shit. If you’re like me and try to correct its mistakes, you’re often not saving much time. And if you’re like most people and don’t bother, you wind up sounding like an unintelligible imbecile. And you don’t end up saving any time either, because if what you were trying to convey was important, now you have to make a phone call so you can explain it in your intended words. Touch typing nears irrelevancy as speech-to-text technology proves flawless—new paragraph

Speech-to-text (STT) programs have made great strides in recent years, to the extent of making touch typing irrelevant.
STT has vast applications for many demographics comma from university students to medical professionals to prominent text media sore says. Even this very article has been written entirely bye the flawless hand of advanced and upcoming computational linguistics technology period.
Recognized benefits of speech-to-text include ease of multitasking, time saved, and bjork orrrffsgff bark bork rbrrek Mr. Cheesers be quiet it’s not dinner time yet and quick document turn around period end paragraph save close document whatever nobody cares this is bullshit who even uses speech-to-text anyways.

It keeps going from their. I mean there. Dam it. Stooped thing.

Web Accessibility Global Usage Survey

If you’ve got 10 or so minutes to burn and feel like sharing your experiences with various aspects of web accessibility, then today is your day, my friend.

Put simply, this survey aims to collect data and insights from users around the world about who they are, what tech they use, how they use it, how well it works for them and why. What they learn from it will be publicly available to help developers figure out who their users are and how those people are interacting with their products and services. That, in turn, will hopefully help those developers sort out what needs attention going forward.

You can take the survey here, and the results will also be available on that same site when they’re ready later this year. There doesn’t appear to be a closing date for participating, so I would say don’t put it off if you’re wanting to take part.