Wow, What A Prize

I think this woman must be unsatisfied with a lot more than her sex life to act like this.

When deputies arrived, the woman denied any assault had taken place, and repeatedly, without sparing a vulgar euphemism, told the deputies about how unsatisfied she was with her sex life — some of the time carrying around a half-gallon of whiskey while doing so.

During an argument with one of the deputies, the woman picked up the family’s 20-pound dog and threw it at the deputy, who caught it, the report said.

The deputies convinced the couple to separate for the night, and the man said he was taking their children to a hotel. But the 28-year-old returned to the apartment and took her husband’s wallet, military identification card and keys.

The woman resisted being arrested for theft — her screams were described as “blood-curdling” by one of the deputies. The deputy who drove the woman to jail reported she questioned his manhood, asked God to forgive him because “he knows not what he does,” and “donkey-kicked” him in the shin while he attempted to walk her from his patrol car to the jail, reports said.

Come on, that should be on an episode of Cops. It just needs to be there.

Sory, Don’t Try Again

An almost aptly-named kid who is now dead after racing a train with his skateboard is Jonathan Sory. I bet he’s really sorry about making that decision. But what I can’t figure out is why the company who runs the train is busy being sorry. Anyone who races a train is an idiot. Unless the conductors didn’t even try to stop, it’s not their fault.

Speaking Of Penguins…

Carin’s
penguin post
reminded me of this old joke that I don’t seem to have posted here before.

A penguin was driving through Arizona on a hot, summer Sunday when he noticed his oil light was on. He got out of the car and, sure enough, it was leaking oil all over the road.

The penguin drove around the corner to a service station and asked the mechanic to take a look at it. The mechanic said he had a few others to look at first but if he came back in an hour he could tell the penguin what was wrong with his car. The penguin agreed and went for a walk.

He found an ice-cream shop and thought a big bowl of vanilla would really hit the spot since he was a penguin and it was Arizona in the summer, after all.

He sat down at the counter and started to eat. Of course he had no hands so it was rather messy. By the time he was done he had ice-cream all over his flippers, and his mouth was a total mess.

Eventually he walked back to the service station and asked the mechanic, “Did you figure out what was wrong with my car?”

The mechanic replied, “It looks like you’ve blown a seal.”

“No no,” said the penguin. “It’s just ice-cream!”

I’m Sorry, You’ve Got The Wrong Mindset

Here’s a new one for ya.
Phone: ring
me: Hello?
pause
me: ah shit here we go, a telemarketer.
heavily accented voice: Hello. Is This (says some name that isn’t mine)?
me: Nope, you have the wrong number.
heavily accented voice. No. I have the right number, just the wrong person.

Yeah, and in most of the sane universe, that means you’ve got the wrong number. It’s only the right number because you don’t really care who you get. Most people, when they call a number, are looking for a specific person. If that person doesn’t live there, they’ve got the wrong number. There is no such thing as the right number but the wrong person.

Damn it Bell and all your new services you gave us to make up for screwing up our bill, why did you have to give us Identicall numbers that used to belong to someone who seemed to attract telemarketers?

Signed, Sealed, … Not So Sure About Delivered.

Heeheehee. Why, every time I think about this story about a seal trying to rape a penguin do I giggle? Maybe it’s this description that does it.

The 100kg seal first subdued the 15kg penguin by lying on it.

The penguin flapped its flippers and attempted to stand and escape – but to no avail.

The seal may have been frustrated in its attempts to find a partner

The seal then alternated between resting on the penguin, and thrusting its pelvis, trying to insert itself, unsuccessfully.

After 45 minutes the seal gave up, swam into the water and then completely ignored the bird it had just assaulted, the scientists report.

Even better is that the scientists don’t even know what sex the penguin was. Well, I guess the seal really can’t get no satisfaction.

Tony BerZirkle

How did Tony Zirkle go from top prosecutor and graduate of the naval academy to, well, raving lune? He certainly is one of those now, one who is trying to win votes and enter the congress. Good luck, buddy. With ideas such as

We now have a small army of male black porn stars that are sifting through five, ten, fifteen thousand women,” he said. “One man can now genocide the wombs of thousands of women,” infecting them with sexually transmitted diseases that leave them barren.

or that blacks and whites should be segregated into separate states to prevent the, uh, “pornocaust,” or that the porn industry is a plot by Jews against white women called “porn mule womb slaughter”, he’s got a lot of work to do, as does the What The Fuck department.

I Always Knew His Day Would Come

NHL Star Called Up To Big Leagues To Play For NFL Team

Speaking of hockey, in case you’re stranded someplace and unable to watch the game, Canada is leading Slovenia 4-1 at the beginning of the 3rd.

And for anybody who is watching, is the sound messed up on TSN or is there really nobody in the crowd? It sounds like some of those weeknight Bruins games from early in the season. Yeah, it’s that bad.

There Can Be Only One

Activists on the Greek island of Lesbos have filed a lawsuit against the Greek Gay and Lesbian Union in the hopes that a judge will ban the group from using the term lesbians to describe themselves.

Residents of Lesbos now suffer “psychological and moral rape” from the “seizure” of their island’s name by gays, according to the complaint by Dimitris Lambrou, a local activist.

He has set out his argument in “The Misfortune of Being Lesbian”, published on his website, reports the Daily Telegraph.

Mr Lambrou, who has the support of a member of a nationalist pagan association, said that the case was likely to come before a court in Athens in June.

But Evangelia Vlam, a spokesman for Olke, dismissed the claim.

“This affair is totally ridiculous,” she said. “But if we are summoned by the courts, we will be heard.”

The article goes on to note that the island is known for poetry written by Sappho in the 6th century BC. The subject of the poetry was her love for other women, so I’m not sure why we can’t all just get along here.

Military Stupidity

So let me get this straight. It’s perfectly ok to bring men with bad knees and hearing trouble back into combat, but heaven forbid you have completely able and willing women in there! If you have one, when she gets decorated with the silver star for being a fine medic, too much attention is being attracted, and you have to pull her.

What the fuck? If she’s willing to fight and help the wounded, let her stay. If she’s good at what she does, let her stay. What does it matter if she’s a woman? In fact, it matters very much. She was providing help to local women who, due to cultural reasons, were more comfortable with a woman treating them. So she’s doing a better job than a man. So let her stay! She enlisted, she wants to be there, you were fine with her being there until she won a medal, now maybe it’s time to change some policies instead of removing her from the area.

Italian Tax Officials Make Identity Theft Easy

Hey there Massimo Romano, director of Italy’s tax office, what were you smoking when you decided to post everyone’s tax info on a site that anyone could look at? In an era of identity theft, in what universe did you think this was a good idea?

Even without identity theft, since when was posting people’s addresses along with their incomes a safe thing to do? That’s like broadcasting someone’s address and what expensive good stuff they have in their house so people can come rob them.

And how does this prevent tax-evasion? I think it would encourage it. If I knew that all my info was going to be hung out on some public site for all to see, I’d decide maybe I’d be safer not to file.

And with what privacy policy was this in line? I have my suspicions that it wasn’t in line with any of them, and the tax office director simply has a lot of balls to claim it was and hope that would do as an explanation.

Thank god privacy groups were watching and had the site shut down. But I wonder what damage has already been done, and a cynical part of me wonders what its true purpose was, even though officials keep claiming that it was some kind of attempt to encourage transparency and the free circulation of information. Whatever. That was a little too transparent.