If The Name Fits…

We’re just full of good names today. In a story about a guy who was acquitted of a murder because some evidence wasn’t revealed at the time, the prosecutor’s name was Rob Junk. Well, I guess that’s what his case is now.

Moving right along, in a case where a guy tracked down a man who used to sexually abuse him, peed on his front lawn and then thwonked him with a hoe, the prosecutor’s name was Luke Manhood.

Next, we have a Polish researcher talking about the attractiveness of women’s legs, Dr. Boguslaw Pawlowski. Hope people don’t think his research is bogus too.

That’s all I’ve got for names today. For some reason I thought I had a fourth one. Oh well, it’s not often you see three in one day.

The Guide Dog Podcast

This is the coolest thing. Guide Dogs for the Blind, where I got my Trixie-pup, has started making a guidedog podcast! I think it will teach a lot of folks all the things I always get asked, like how long training goes, what all the steps are, etc. Not that I mind answering, but it’s nice to have the head of a department answering those questions for me. And this episode is just funny, because they’re talking about breeding, and when two grown, respectable women can become giggling little girls when trying to talk about dog-breeding, you know there are certain subjects where we just don’t grow up.

It’s not clear how often more episodes will be added, so go check it out from time to time. You never know what you will learn!

Stars Are Blind

this is right up there with
the fire that stopped production of fireproof products a couple years back.

We regret to announce that due to unforeseen circumstances beyond our control, the publication of The Astrological Magazine will cease with the December 2007 issue.

All unexpired subsription amounts will be refunded shortly. We thank all our subscribers for their kind co-operation in this matter

From the looks of that notice, the stars apparently didn’t see a proofreader either.

If You Happen To Know The Answer, You Don’t Have To Explain How

If you go to the hospital for a few stitches because you took a wack on the head, what legitimate medical reason is there for the doctors to
give you a rectal exam, especially when you’re completely alert and otherwise ok?

If you know the answer to this question, something tells me that Brian Persaud of Brooklyn New York would like to talk to you.

This Is So Stupid I Don’t Have A Title For It

An unidentified 22-year-old Town of Waukesha man could soon be facing various weapons charges after committing
one of the stupidest crimes in recent memory.

The trouble started on New Year’s day when a car carrying the man and 2 passengers went into a ditch. A passing police officer offered assistance and allowed the man to sit in her squad car to keep warm. While inside, he decided to reach through the cage and snatch the woman’s Taser from the seat.

But wait, there’s more.

The officer, after taking identification from all 3 of the car’s occupants, gave them a lift to a nearby gas station so that they could wait for a ride.

Yes…there’s more.

Once the man made it home with Taser in hand, he shot a video of himself and his 41-year-old father using it on each other and then posted it to YouTube. It was discovered and removed from the site a day later, but now the police want him charged with disarming a peace officer and possession of an electric weapon which are both felonies, along with carrying a concealed electronic weapon and theft, both misdemeanors.

So let’s recap. Police officer does her job. Douchebag hands over his ID which I assume has his picture on it and then decides to pilfer a Taser out of her car. He then does what any master criminal would do, videotapes himself using it. Then, in one final act of utter retardedness, he posts it on the world’s most popular video sharing site for all to see, presumably figuring that nobody will ever find it there.

Yeah, stupid.

But now that I think about it, things could be worse. He could try to turn around and sue the officer and her department for tempting him to take the thing. Hey,
that sort of thing has worked before.

It Sucks To Be A Clown

So, let’s take a poll. How many of you agree with 250 British children in your disdain for clowns? Apparently, every single one of those kids, who ranged in age from 4 to 16, found the clowns frightening.

I never found clowns frightening. Some were a little weird, but some were funny! The only part of a clown’s act that I found a little unnerving was when they started making balloon animals. I always waited for the balloon to pop, because on a few occasions, it had. So I would listen to that squeaking noise balloons make, thinking “oh god, at any moment, it’s going to pop!” But I never hated clowns, just balloon animals. Am I alone in this?

They Can’t Vandalize If They’re In Their Happy Place

If you thought the story about British police putting up signs asking citizens to not commit crimes was funny, here’s another good one. In Britain, in hopes of preventing vandalism and other crimes at a tavern, police decided to hire an artist to paint fluffy clouds on the windows. I love this quote at the end of the story: “Now I’m waiting for the police to come round with a giant set of speakers to pump out whale noises to deter criminals. It really wouldn’t surprise me.”

Well, I guess it’s better for business than setting up a swipe-card system to only allow admission to regulars, but somehow I doubt it will be effective at all.

>Merry Trixmas

>Trixie speaks
Wow! This last little while has been busy! busy busy busy! Stuff to do and people to see and places to go and go go go go go! There’s been a lot of going, but not as much working. But it’s been fun.

First, we went to this big restaurant full of food. there was a whole bunch of humans there, and they all seemed to know each other. There were little humans and big humans, young humans and old humans. I think some of them looked like each other. They all ate this big meal, and then Carin took my harness off and let me meet them! Belly rubs! Lots of belly rubs! Some of them had dogs at home. I knew that, and went to them first! I gave one of them a face-wash. He seemed to like it. Some of the little humans were just my height. I think I scared one of them. He didn’t like his face being washed, and I was told to stop.

The next day, Carin started packing some of my things in a box. It was making me nervous. Was she going to give these things away to another dog? I watched that box. I wanted to make sure I saw where it went.

We loaded it up, and we all drove and drove and drove. It was about as long as it took to go to that place we went to back a couple months ago. But at least I recognized it. It was that big house with the cat in it! That cat doesn’t like me! I like the cat, but the cat doesn’t like me, so I keep my distance. I even stay still when it walks by. If I move at all, it runs away. It’s kind of funny, because sometimes I couldn’t care less about the cat. I just want to get my food. But the cat sees me running down the hall and sprints the other way! Silly cat. But she tries to get a look at me. She pokes her head in the door when I’m sleeping and stares at me. I think she’s plotting against me. I’d better watch her.

Then we spent a day at another house. It had a cat too! That cat didn’t like me either. What’s with cats not liking me? But it was a lot of fun. We went to a shopping mall, and met up with some other people for coffee! One of them had a dog with the same harness as me! But I couldn’t play with him right there, even though I wanted to. But I got to play with him later, he came over to the house! Luther is a big dog. A big big dog with a big bark. They started to confuse me. They wanted to hear me bark! But Carin always told me to be quiet! So I barked, but not very loud. And ever since, they didn’t want me to bark again. They didn’t want me to bark when the doorbell rang, when the washing machine started making big noises, when that guy who they know came to the door and hit the door with his foot because his hands were full. Ah, so they don’t want me to bark when I want to warn them of something. They just want me to bark so they can laugh at me. Weird people!

Then we came back to that big house with the cat and spent some more time there. I was starting to wonder if I’d moved there.

Man, humans like to eat, or at least they do right now. They just kept making food, food and food and more food. Yummy food and sweet food and food full of turkey and all kinds of food. It makes me want some! But I can’t have some, and they chase me away. I try to trick them because my water dish is right in the area where they make food. So I try and see if I can find any crumbs on the floor when I’m coming over to get some water.

We did a lot of walking around shopping malls. Shopping malls with food courts where people drop things! Oh the temptations! I spent a lot of time with that gental leader on my face. That stupid gental leader. I wish it had never been invented. I want! it! off! my! nose! But I can’t get it off. Paws won’t do it, I can’t rub my face on Carin or she gets mad. But I want my nose to be free!

Then we met more big humans and little humans. These humans looked more like Carin’s dad, and they all ate some more. Is that all these humans do? Eat?

I’ve figured out a couple of humans are Carin’s brother and sister and they’re not even the same age! She only has one brother and one sister? And none of them were born at the same time? What’s wrong with her mom? I had four brothers and three sisters and we all have the same birthday! I wonder where my brothers and sisters are now.

Eventually, all the humans started going their own way, and we loaded up the box and got back in the car and drove and drove and drove…and ended up back here! Yeah! Home again! We didn’t move to that house with the cat! I was so happy, I ran ran ran around the house and bounced and played with some bones I hadn’t seen for a while.

But then, the house was full of strange people! There were a couple of humans who I knew from before. But then there were others I didn’t know. They made lots of noise and stayed up for a long time. A lot of them couldn’t see where they were going, so I learned to go to my bed after I’d sniffed them all and they’d petted me enough. When some of them slept, they slept on beds on the floor, and if I walked up to them very quietly, I could maybe sneak a lick without getting busted. Wow! Sleeping humans at my level! That’s new!

I was just starting to wonder if life was ever going to be normal again. Or, was this the new normal? I had to admit It was fun. It wasn’t really bad. Then, all the people left, and it was just me, Carin, and the fat man with the nice balls. Ah, I think it’s over. What a time that was!