I don’t have enough confidence in my abilities as a writer or reporter to think that I could ever do this thing justice, so I’ll let the words of Washington’s Edward Smith do the talking for me.
“I appreciate beauty and I go a little bit beyond appreciating the beauty of a car only to the point of what I feel is an expression of love,” he said.
“Maybe I’m a little bit off the wall but when I see movies like Herbie and Knight Rider, where cars become loveable, huggable characters it’s just wonderful.
“I’m a romantic. I write poetry about cars, I sing to them and talk to them just like a girlfriend. I know what’s in my heart and I have no desire to change.”
He added: “I’m not sick and I don’t want to hurt anyone, cars are just my preference.”
Then there’s this, which is so goddamn awesome that I can’t help but get to wondering if this guy is working us.
Mr Smith, 57, first had sex with a car at the age of 15, and claims he has never been attracted to women or men.
But his wandering eye has spread beyond cars to other vehicles. He says that his most intense sexual experience was “making love” to the helicopter from 1980s TV hit Airwolf.
The rest of the article is oddly fascinating, including the revelation that there are at least 500 people hanging around the internet who are also willing to admit to and openly talk about their car loving ways. The surprising part isn’t that these people exist, but that if there’s 500 of them talking about it, there has to be a lot more of them living in silence.
If there’s a lesson to be learned from this…I have no idea what it is. the best thing I can come up with is invest in a car cover. then again, perhaps these people would look at one of those in much the same way as many of us would look at lingerie, so it appears that’s probably out.