Stop Buying All The Damn Toilet Paper, You Animals

Last Updated on: 26th February 2023, 08:20 pm

What is this, diarrhea Black Friday? From fist fights to stealing off carts, toilet paper frenzy hits Guelph
Lineups form long before Guelph Costco opened and 1,000 packs of toilet paper were gone in 15 minutes

“Good morning and don’t kill us.”
And with those words, manager Armando Gumbs opened the doors of the Guelph Costco at 9:30 a.m. Friday for approximately 500 customers who had been waiting in line outside.
Two employees stood at the entrance of the store wiping off the handles of every cart with a disinfectant wipe amid the fear of coronavirus. 
Gumbs said there is only one item flying off the shelves in minutes: toilet paper. 
Some were seen with one pack and some were seen with four. Some were even seen going back for more after loading up their cars. 
“I don’t understand the concept of toilet paper. I can understand hand soap, hand sanitizer, or food or whatever, but the toilet paper process?” said Gumbs. 
He said yesterday, the store had 1,000 packs of toilet paper that were wiped off the shelves in 15 minutes.

Membership door greeter Michelle Malott said she sees toilet paper in almost every cart. And sometimes arguments get so heated, she experiences verbal abuse from customers.
Yesterday, a fist fight broke out over toilet paper she says.

“Somebody took it off somebody’s cart,” said Malott. 
She said when the store sold out of toilet paper yesterday, people waited on the floor for hours for the next shipment to come.

One of the things I learned from this story is that apparently, on some social media site or other that I thank fuck don’t frequent, there is a myth going around that an abundance of shit tickets can somehow heal you if you should happen to get yourself a nice case of Coronavirus. I can’t seem to find anything about this by way of Google or Snopes, but I do see one about toilet paper being recalled because the cardboard it’s rolled on comes from China and China is full of illness. It’s not true, but maybe it would be nice if people fell for it for a little while so that the rest of us could buy our regular, normal use sane person amounts.

And some of you may not believe this, but you shouldn’t be drinking bleach, either. That’s only good for people who spend their time spreading stupid, dangerous, irresponsible shit like this around the world.

Seriously though, please stop hording all the toilet paper. You’re panic buying and creating a shortage where none needs to exist. You’re doing no good for yourself or anyone else.

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  1. It’s still a problem. I was in Shoppers and they said they are all out. She said, and I quote, “We had six skids of the stuff and it’s all gone!” ha ha ha she said skids!

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