I knew Sean Paul’s music sucked, but I never dreamed it would give someone seizures. Like I said years ago, get that babbling fucking idiot off the stage…er…radio! It’s for the safety of all!
Category Archives: news
Yeah, Doing Laundry Is A Shitty Job, But…
Ug! I’ve been upset that people have left their clothes unattended when I needed the machine, but never have I thought it would be a good idea to take a dump on their load of laundry! Gag! What a thought! He’s in jail, and I think if someone bails him out, they will be hunted …
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You’re Going To Jail! You’re Going To Jail!
Here’s another one for the bongo drum teddy bear shrine home-invasion files. Imagine this. You’re sleeping on the couch, hooked up to a machine giving you oxygen while you sleep. Suddenly, you’re awakened by a 27-year-old woman wearing only a shirt and underwear screaming “We’re going to egypt” as she tries to strangle you. Your …
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Paging Officer Irony
An unidentified 26-year-old Toronto man suffered multiple stab wounds to his face and arm in an attack at Van Gogh’s Ear in downtown Guelph over the weekend. The attacker has not yet been caught, but fear not good citizens, becauseConstable Marlowe Sharpeis on the case!
Best Celler?
I don’t know how to feel about cellphone novels. My first gut reaction is ug! Apparently, in Japan, a lot of people are throwing together novels on their cellphones, in text message format, then somehow getting them published, and they’re selling like mad! Some of them are on the best-sellers list! If text message-llike writing …
The Wheels Of Consumerism Go Round And Round
The folks at bus radio must really think people are stupid. They market their station as a way to play nice music on the bus ride to school, play some public service announcements, and have little lessons on how to pass some standardized tests. But who do they think they’re kidding? All they’re doing is …
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Is It Just Me…
Or is it kind of funny that the Deseret Morning News sent a guy named Jacob Hancock to report on a group of anti-porn activists that’s trying to get a Gold’s Gym to stop using what they consider to be sexually explicit videos?
What a Boob! And I’m Not Talking About The Mannequin
Ok, I love this story, both because it involves a guy getting his weener stuck in a mannequin’s boobs, and because British writing is some beautiful stuff. How often do you see the word “whinging” in a news article? Yup, this guy bought a plastic model of a female bust, sold by a company who …
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From Head to Toe
Ok, first we had doctors giving rectal exams to patients needing stitches in their heads, now we have doctor’s assistants licking patients’ toes during eye exams, supposedly to test blood sugar. Riiight! There are some weird folks out there.
If The Name Fits…
We’re just full of good names today. In a story about a guy who was acquitted of a murder because some evidence wasn’t revealed at the time, the prosecutor’s name was Rob Junk. Well, I guess that’s what his case is now. Moving right along, in a case where a guy tracked down a man …