Ok, why in the blue bloody christ is Peter Whitmore getting offered a plea deal? Why why why why why? Somebody tell me why! Please? Now! Ok, now that I’ve got the incoherent brain-rattling rage down on paper, let me try and write like a rational human being. He kidnapped a kid from Manitoba, sexually …
Category Archives: news
>Are You There God? It’s Me, The Law
>Back in October 2005, I posted a story about a Romanian prison inmate whofiled suit against God,claiming that the lord took bribes, didn’t help him in his time of need, and was in many other ways pretty much a no good scumbag. Well, after almost 2 years, there’s finally an update. Prosecutors in Timisoara, where …
You Left Your Dog Where?
I cannot even remotely understand this story. Here’s a short summary. Guy, his wife and his guide dog go camping in a Wal-Mart parking lot (what the hell?).Guy ties his guide dog to a tree.guy and wife leave the next morning, each thinking the other had put the dog back in the camper (again, what …
That Explains A Lot
A growing number of complete fucking dorks are paying big money to consultants to help them come up with names for their children. But as stupid as this is, at least it offers some explanation for how we wind up with dumbshits trying to name innocent infants who have never done a bad thing to …
Speaking Of Running Gags
Here’s one from the You Named That Kid What? Files. Pat and Sheena Wheaton said they decided to name their new baby “4real” shortly after having an ultrasound and being struck by the reality of his impending arrival. “For most of us, when we try to figure out what our names mean, we have to …
A New Trend To Follow
I don’t know if anybody else has picked up on this or not, but I’ve been noticing something odd about the news lately. Over the last few weeks, there has been an unusually high number of stories dealing with people whose names somehow relate to the situation that caused them to make headlines in the …
Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Make Shitty Movie
When people ask me why I never go to the movies and why I don’t care when stuff comes out on DVD, I always have a million ways to answer their questions. And as of this very moment, I now haveone more.Yes, “Monopoly: The Movie” could soon be coming to a theatre near you. FILM …
Tone Death
If the urge strikes you to go to the Philippines, and while you’re there, you feel the need to go to a karaoke bar and sing, make sure you *can* sing. If not, you may die. That’s what happened to a poor unfortunate soul named Romy Baligula. He was halfway through a song, I don’t …
Beating A Who With A What Now?
Steve told me about this story, and he’s right. The next passage contains the best words to be written down since a police officer said someone was punching vegetation. Durango, CO11:08 a.m. A man on Westwood Place said his girlfriend was beating a miniature Chihuahua with a spatula. And that’s the whole story. That leaves …
>I Think Somebody’s A Little Squirrely
>Are squirrels super valuable in Israel? If not, do any of you have another way to explainthis?I hope so, because I’ve got nothin’, at least nothin’ better than mental illness. The victim, whose name was not released, said he was carrying his pet squirrel in his fanny pack when Surami grabbed it and tried to …