English As She Is Spoke

“English as She is Spoke” is quite possibly the worst English language phrasebook ever produced. It was published in 1883 by a Portuguese man named Pedro Carolino who didn’t even know how to speak English. In order to compile it, Carolino used a French-English phrasebook and a Portuguese-French dictionary, which leads to a complete mess once the final translations are complete.

The most interesting and frightening thing about it is that at one time, it was actually used as a school textbook, which makes finding the odd factual error or typo in the books being produced now seem like not such a big deal by comparison.

You can find more information and read excerpts from the book by clicking
here.

Believe me, this thing puts every one of those foreign translations gone wrong emails to shame.

Yahoo Instant Computer Polluter

According to
this story,
Yahoo has decided that they know better than you do what software you want to install and run on your computer and what you want your default home and search pages to be.

The latest version of Yahoo Instant Messenger, which comes as a “highly recommended” upgrade, comes bundled with something like 5 additional pieces of software by default, along with browser hijacking features that change your default start and search pages to Yahoo from whatever you had them set to.

From the article linked above:

By accepting Yahoo’s “typical” installation of YIM with Voice, it will also download Yahoo’s Search Toolbar with anti-spyware and anti-pop-up software, desktop and system tray shortcuts, as well as Yahoo Extras, which will insert Yahoo links into the Internet Explorer browser. The IM client also contains “live words,” which will automatically show an icon when the user highlights words online and then hyperlink to Yahoo search results, definitions or translation tools. Finally, the installation will alter the users’ home page and auto-search functions to point to Yahoo by default.

To avoid these changes, users must actively choose the “custom” installation and uncheck five boxes.

Yahoo spokeswoman Terrell Karlsten said that for avid Yahoo users, the included services are valuable and highlight the integration among all its tools.

“By setting it that way we’re giving people choices. For people who want to download software in one fell swoop, they have that option. If they don’t want it we give them the ability to customize it,” Karlsten said.

I suppose that’s technically true, but why then, instead of turning these installations on for us, couldn’t you turn them off and give us the option of turning them on ourselves? The answer to that question is a simple one. Yahoo and other companies that engage in this increasingly common practice understand very well who the average computer user is and how that person interacts with his or her machine. They realize that a large portion of their user base consists of people who, when it comes time to install anything, simply click next repeatedly until they see finish and their new software starts working. These people barely take enough time to read the screen let alone to look for options that it might be in their best interests to configure in a certain way or to look for unreasonable terms in a user agreement that they might want to know about. In short, the software developers realize that the same people who aren’t smart enough to turn something off are more than likely not smart enough to turn it on either. And if you’re Yahoo, which set-up is the better one when it comes to pushing new products and services on to the desktop of Joe User? That’s right, the bad one. Spyware and adware pushers opperate under the same assumption, which is part of the reason why those companies are so successful.

Yahoo, by doing what they’ve done here, has lowered itself to the same level as some of those companies, even if the bundled software is designed to help. What the software does or is supposed to do isn’t the issue at all. The issue is one of personal choice, the right for one to use one’s computer as he/she so chooses, without fear of some marketing company, no matter how well intentioned, violating that right. Under any other circumstance, this sort of thing is called either trespassing or breaking and entering. Why should it be any different when the private property in question is a computer?

I should also point out before anyone decides to accuse me of being a hypocrite for being soft on people who don’t pay enough
attention to things that my condemnation of Yahoo’s actions is in no way meant to give a free pass to anyone. Should people be more careful and more mindful of what they’re doing? Absolutely, but that doesn’t make Yahoo and companies like it any less wrong. Just because you tell somebody to do something doesn’t mean they’re going to do it. If the world worked that way, there would be no repeat offenders in jails around the world. For that matter, there wouldn’t be any first time offenders either.

My point is that responsibility is a 2-way street. The end user has a responsibility to watch out for himself and Yahoo has a responsibility to give that user what he asks for and nothing more. And that being the case, shouldn’t Yahoo be expected, given its apparent desire to make the user experience as pleasant as possible, to lead by example and hold up its end of the bargain even if it means that a few less people might end up using a certain service? That doesn’t sound unreasonable to me, and it even makes good business sense since the customers that end up using it are more likely to be happy ones, which over time would probably lead to many more people using the service if the product is good. Word of mouth is a powerful thing whether it be positive or negative, and if Yahoo and others could just think long-term, posts like this one would look nothing like posts like this one, something that I’m sure even Yahoo with it’s backward logic would have to agree would be a good thing.

Some People Blow More Than A Hurricane

I’d like to think that everyone reading these words is smart enough not to fall for this crap, but a couple years of answering comments and emails from some of you people and even more years of being alive have taught me that my hopes are way too high, and that some of you need to be told, repeatedly I might add, that things aren’t always as they seem. So, for the benefit of all of you who probably don’t know who you are, as well as for those of you who have the smarts to investigate things like this, here’s a warning:

If you get an email asking you to donate money to the Hurricane Katrina relief effort or telling you that you can click on a link for the latest breaking news about the situation, for the love of God just delete it and go on with your life! If you want to give money or time or follow the latest developments there are plenty of reputable ways to do both of those things, none of which involve unexpected emails from complete strangers or email forwards from Bob in Accounting.

Yes, I know you should be able to trust that people wouldn’t take advantage of such a grave disaster for the sake of personal gain, but quite simply, you can’t, so it’s up to all of us to be careful.

If you want to read up on some of the dangers involved in opening the help the hurricane people emails, click
here.

I’ll paste the most important points below in case the link decides to stop working.

Phony Web sites and e-mails, purporting to offer help to hurricane victims or provide more news on the destruction, are making their rounds on the Internet, security experts said Thursday.

One spam campaign that’s circulating offers breaking news reports but tricks people into clicking a link that takes them to a bogus Web site,
according to security firm Sophos.
The site attempts to exploit vulnerabilities in Internet Explorer and install malicious code, including the Troj/Cgab-A Trojan horse, on a victim’s system Sophos said.

Some of these e-mails carry subject headers such as “re: g8 Tropical storm flooded New Orleans” and “re: q1 Katrina killed as many as 80 people.”

“If users click on the link contained inside the e-mail, they will be taken to a malicious Web site which will try and infect their computer,” Graham Cluely, senior technology consultant for Sophos, said in a statement. “Once infected, the computer is under the control of remote criminal hackers who can use it to spy, steal or cause disruption.”

Other bogus e-mails are circulating that ask people to aid hurricane victims and their families by clicking on a PayPal button to make a donation, said Johannes Ullrich, chief research officer for the Sans Institute.

“They’re using PayPal because it allows them to be more anonymous. But if you reply and ask them for their address to mail the check, they don’t respond,” Ullrich said, noting that in many cases it is difficult to ascertain whether the e-mail is legitimate.

Note from Steve: If you’re not clicking the button from a website that you’re positive you can trust, there’s about a 99.9% chance that it’s not legitimate. In short, if it comes in an email and you don’t know how it got to you, it’s probably crap. And even if it isn’t, why rely on an unknown third party to deliver the funds when it’s much safer to donate to an established charity on your own terms? Why not make the validity of the email or website in question a non-issue? It just makes sense.

He advised people to ask the organization for its nonprofit tax ID before making a donation. That ID number can be checked against the
database housed by the Internal Revenue Service.
Consumers should also review the list of reputable nonprofit agencies posted on the
Federal Emergency Management Agency Web site,
he said.

And while we’re doing the whole warning/advice thing, I figure this is as good a time as any to revisit the whole
run a safe computer and watch what you click on
thing again.

More later.

The Devil Went Down To What Now?

Sometimes it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one who takes the time to think about stupid things like this.

Thirty-Nine Questions for Charlie Daniels Upon Hearing “The Devil Went Down to Georgia” for the First Time in 25 Years

8. If the Devil went down to Georgia ’cause he was looking for a soul to steal, why does he arrange what appears to be an honest competition?

5. What kind of one-sided bet was that anyway, your eternal soul for a fiddle?

14. Honor system with the Devil. How did Johnny get sucked into that one?

16. Was there some sort of arbitration board in place in the event that the outcome was not obvious?

The rest are pretty amusing too, provided you’ve heard the song of course.

With Telus, the Future is Communism.

This kind of shit shouldn’t be happening in Canada. My friend is moving to B.C. and she told me something really disturbing. I guess out there, Telus is the only major internet company there is, so they pretty much have you by the balls when it comes to internet. Apparently, they are blocking access to major sites that have information about their union members going on strike. Apparently they have been without a contract for five years, Telus has been repeatedly found guilty of bargaining in bad faith, and their new contract is in violation of Canadian labour codes. But the point is anyone who is using Telus as their ISP can’t get to these sites.

What kind of crap is that? This is reminiscent of China blocking google news. This is a very slippery slope. Where does it end? Will ISP’s block out their competitors because they can? And then will they block out any site that says anything bad about them or contains proof of an illegal or improper practice they have carried out? This should not be happening in Canada. End of story. I hope customers use their brains and cause a stirr big enough to make telus suffer, and big enough to make other companies think twice about following in their muddy footsteps. This kind of crap can’t get started. Not here, not now, not ever.

Slime Kettle? Meet Slime Pot. Who’s blacker?

Man, some things just crack me up. Take our friendly neighbourhood hardware store owner Richer Lapointe from near Montreal who thought he’d get himself some glory by apparently uncovering that Carla Homolka has breached some of her release conditions. Ok, first off, he tried to seem noble by writing not 1, not 2, but 22 letters to her lawyer to get her in his store! Hmmm doesn’t that seem a little too determined to just be your average good samaritan? Then, promptly after he gets her in his store, he starts taping her by putting a recording device at the bottom of an empty can of paint. Ok, where did he get that device, and where can I get one? It sounds better than the ones that are planted right in front of people to tape them. Then after he gets this so-called damning evidence, he takes it straight to the media, while saying he’s concerned for people’s safety, etc. Ok, if you’re so concerned, why don’t you take it to, um, ya know, police? People who can actually do something? I think our friend just wanted a little money. The best is apparently he wouldn’t release certain excerpts to CTV news because he says they’re too damning for her. For her? I’d bet money they incriminate our one and only hardware hero.

And it gets better. Our hero doesn’t exactly have a clean nose himself. He’s up on charges of his own for burglary, and, brace yourself, sexual assault. You’re worried about the safety of others? How about keeping yourself in check first?

And now he wants to live in St. Catharines to be closer to the victims’ families. And what about what they want? Or maybe he’s just trying to run away from his own problems. In any case, I don’t think our handyman is going to bring his help closer to their home anytime soon. I guess the courts have said he’s not leaving the province.

But what I love is how this guy tried to make himself look like an angel and it completely backfired. Word to the wise, if you want to out somebody, you better make sure you’re squeaky clean.

Thou shalt Remember You’re on Tape.

Man, how stupid does Pat Robertson think people are? He’s that televangelist who has been known for saying all kinds of weird things like feminism will cause women to kill their own babies and government buildings should be blown up with a nuclear device. After he sat up there on his TV show talking about how Hugo Chavez, president of Venezuela should be assassinated, he tried to say he didn’t. He tried to say he meant something else by “take him out,” like kidnapping. But try denying this.

“You know, I don’t know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he
thinks we’re trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to
go ahead and do it. It’s a whole lot cheaper than starting a war.”

Hmm, try squiggling out of that one. Done squiggling? Try squiggling out of video footage. Go here, and then click on take him out…and tell me if my ears are deceiving me.

WhatI think is the funniest is that he tried to say he never said assassinate. Then after two days of criticism, he said he was sorry. Maybe the old age has set in and he’s forgotten he’s on TV. Oh well, I don’t think it really matters, most people have already realized he’s a total nut bar and his audience is getting smaller and smaller. At least one can hope that’s the conclusion people are reaching.

Spread Your Tiny Wings and Fall Apart.

Well I guess this should be expected, knowing how much our military sucks. Yesterday, just while warming up for a show, one of the Snowbirds, ya know, one of the planes supposed to be able to do really cool flips in the air and show off, crashed. While warming up! Isn’t that a fine statement? That conjures up images for me of a runner doing stretches and breaking a leg. At least in the last accident, the things were actually in the middle of a flight. But then again, somebody was killed in the last accident. Thankfully everybody came out ok in this one.

Apparently, like everything else in the military, they’re in need of repair. But things aren’t looking good. I actually saw a guy on the news who said they’re going to run out of spare parts soon. Doesn’t that inspire confidence? And the government doesn’t want to replace the planes for another 15 years. Although I don’t mind them not splurging on the planes, maybe we don’t need our pride repeatedly wounded by more crashes right now, especially since they’re supposed to be a symbol of what we *can* do. Maybe they should just give it a little rest.

As a funny aside, the google ads on the page I linked to cracked me up. Nothing like ads to eliminate your fear of flying on a page about a plane crash.

Total Bummer!

I got my Rogers bill today, and in it it said I could get a free gift for each of the services I have with them. So I got all excited and went to see what they’re giving away, and it looks like I can’t use any of the stuff they’re giving out.

For cable, they’re trying to get people hooked on digital cable. NO thanks. The box is too damn complicated and there’s too much of a chance for them to change the packages and make the price go up. For internet people, they can get 30 pictures printed for free. Well I can’t really do that. And for the cell phone users, they offered a free polyphonic ringtone or a free graphic. Well my phone can’t do ringtones, and the graphic isn’t gonna work, coach. What the hell is that? A big rich company offers me stuff for free, and I can’t use any of it!

In My Day…

What is happening to me? Am I aging too fast? I feel like a grandmother because of what I’m about to say, but I’m going to say it anyway.

Holy crap how lazy are we getting? I see commercials for egg yolks already pre-cracked and in a carton. Eeewww. how hard is it to go tap tap tap, break? The idea of pre-broken eggs just grosses me out.

Then I saw one for this thing you put into your wash that keeps colours from running, so you don’t have to sort your laundry. The only practical purpose I can see for that is if you’re in an apartment with coin-operated laundry machines and you’re too cheap to sort your laundry into separate loads, or maybe if you’re blind and have no idea which clothes are brightly-coloured, but in that case, you have bigger problems to worry about because you could be wearing an orange shirt when you think it’s blue. The rest is purely laziness. “Now I don’t have to sort my laundry. This thing will keep my clothes ok.” I’m waiting for the first lawsuit when it fails.

And then there are these weird self-heating coffee cans. You break something and then these chemicals heat up your coffee on their own. That’s too weird. What is in them? How hard would it be to just, um, make your coffee?

I think I’m done now. All I have to say is at this rate, the future freaks me out.