Vomit Comet

Why is it these days that people have to make something more complicated than it needs to be? Why can’t something just be what it is? Why does there have to be an excuse? A disorder? Something to explain it all away?

Here’s an example. I met this guy who was…a total asshole! He had no respect for his girlfriend, he was in the military and liked to throw his military weight around, to solve problems, he liked to fight, and he often got barred from places because of this crap. When I described him to another friend, she said, “He must have some self-esteem problems, or he mustn’t be wel.” Ok, maybe he isn’t, but until I see some sign of that from him, the answer is simple! he’s a dick! End of story! Can’t some people just be assholes? We know the world is full of jerks, must their behaviour be explained away? Don’t people have to take responsibility for their own actions anymore? No no no, it’s someone else’s fault, always. I should know that already judghing by the piles of stupid lawsuits out there.

Another thing I heard was some stupidity when that thing happened with that lady they called the runaway bride. Some people were trying to say she did all of that because she had hyperthyroidism. Whatever. Sure a condition can make you do things a little out of wack from the normal you, but the mind in that body has to come up with the idea to run away and lie about getting kidnapped and all of that. That didn’t all just fly out of her overactive thyroid.

The way I see it, people have to earn my understanding to some degree, and if they earn something else before they get that, it’s even harder to sympathize with them. And I’m not going to assume immediately that they’re sick and that’s why they’re doing whatever they’re doing to be a total moron/asshole/idiot/knob. I mean, if I know a person and they’re not usually a dick, then it’s perfectly normal to assume something’s wrong and show concern. But if I meet them on the street and they go above and beyond the call of duty to show me they’re a jerk, then forget it. I’m all for the benefit of the doubt, but some people take that way too far.

Ok, there are certain people out there who really need to learn some things.

Thing no. 1. When you haven’t talked to someone all day, and finally you catch up with them, asking extremely prying questions about where they’ve been every minute of the afternoon won’t make them want to talk to you. It’s one thing to ask how the person’s day was, or ask what they’ve been up to. But asking where they were at 1:00, 2:00 and 3:00, unless you’re a member of the police conducting a murder investigation, will likely provoke the person to ask you to piss off. it will also vault you from the realm of nice friend to creepy stalker. Unless that’s what you’re aspiring to be, stop it now!

Thing no. 2. Every time a friend says, “My friend did that.” You do not need to demand their name and how this person met their friend. You do not know everyone your friend knows, nor do you need to. Get your nose out of their business. It’s one thing if you think you might know the person, but asking about every god damn friend they mention, and then acting insulted that you had never heard of this person before makes you look a little too interested in the details of your friends’ personal lives.

Thing no. 3. When someone isn’t home, and you don’t have an urgent need to get a hold of them, calling their cell phone to track them down isn’t a good idea, especially when you’re really not that close a friend. They likely have voice mail, leave a message and move on. It’s one thing if you’re trying to track them down because they’re supposed to meet you. But when it is 4 in the morning, and they don’t pick up their phone, immediately calling their cell phone will not make them be impressed. it will only impress upon them that you are creepy.

That is all, now if only a few people would learn those lessons well, the world would be a better place.

I was talking on the phone the other day, when outside my window, I heard a car alarm, ya know, one of those ones that beeps the horn of the car? But the funny part was the horn was the furthest thing from threatening. It sounded like the horns on those little cars that would probably crumple in like a pop can in an accident. My thought was, why bother even putting a car alarm on those cars? If you’re stuck driving one of those, you probably wouldn’t cry too hard if it was stolen. It sounded so stupid. It was like the car was pleading not to be stolen, or sort of clearing its throat and saying, “Ahem, over here, someone’s trying to steal me. Someone help. Please? Maybe?” At that point, why even bother. What would be funny would be if one of those cars actually had a menacing horn like on a transport.

Hearing that pathetic little car alarm made me think about something else. I’ve ridden a few buses where the driver has had to honk at someone for some reason. And in every case, the horn was so high-pitched. Loud, but squeaky. It just doesn’t sound right coming out of a huge bus. It would be like a 6-foot dude talking with a baby voice.

And then there are those little wee cell phones that have the big sound coming out of them when they play their fancy ringtones. I heard one that sounded like it should come out of something huge. But the cell phone was in someone’s pocket. Some cell phones even sound like an old rotary phone. I have one question. Why? Why can’t things just be as they seem? And why do little wimp cars need car alarms?