Jesus Christ On A Crutch!

I really hate computers sometimes. I was a little over half way through writing a whole big post on this whole Conan O’Brien insulting French people thing when my computer decided it would be fun to just crash for no reason causing me to lose everything. I’m not sure if I’m going to try writing it again or just let it drop because the whole situation is insanely stupid anyway but until I decide, why not just go and read
the Salty Ham No Way Out Roundtable instead?
Some of my writing is in there so it’ll hold you over until I post something else.

Pick A Card, Any Card

Since finding that perfect Valentine card for your special someone can be difficult, I knew that when I came across this link I had to pass it on. There are a lot of cards to choose from here and I’m sure you’ll find something to suit your needs perfectly.

Yes guys, melt her heart with touching poems like:

When we made love
this morning
I was struck by an epiphany:
You’re so much better
in the sack
than your little sister, Tiffany.

And I’ve personally yet to see anything sweeter than this.

No love is more grand,
nor possesses such grace,
as when you close your eyes
as I cum in your face.

They even have some cards for that special person who used to be in your life.

The awful, painful fact is
that I miss you every night.
I need some target practice
and perhaps a laser sight.

There are pages and pages of these things at the following link. You can even mail them to people so they’re the perfect way to let somebody know that you’re thinking of them.
Click here and spread the love!

A Question For You All

I asked this on the comment boards but just in case some of you miss it but still have an opinion I’ll ask it here too.

After I posted that bit about Nick and Gee yesterday myself and 2 or 3 other people were lucky enough to have land in our inboxes what I consider to be one of the most incoherent and stupidity-laced bits of babbling idiocy that I’ve ever had the good fortune to read. Luckily, being the forward thinking individual that I am, I saved a copy of it for possible future use.

Now my question is, should I bother posting it? Like I said on the board, part of me wants to post it so that you all can laugh at the absolute retardedness of this whole situation but part of me doesn’t want to give the party involved any more attention than he’s already gotten. So what do you all think? If you’ll do me proud and roast the guy over an open flame I’ll be more than happy to allow that but if you all think this has gone on long enough I’ll let it drop and that message will never see the light of day, at least not on my site. But having said that, if you vote for me to post it but more people vote to have me not share it publicly, I’m still more than happy to provide a copy to any interested party who might ask for it either by email, MSN or comment board. My email address is all over this site and there’s a comment link right at the end of this post. Sorry, if you don’t already know my MSN info, you aren’t getting it unless you’re one of those people who I’ve talked to but just haven’t ever done the MSN thing with. If that’s the case then just shoot me an email and ask for it, that’s no problem.

Ok Vomiteers, the choice is yours!

Haven’t Done This In Awhile

I haven’t had a good excuse to break out the strange search terms bit in awhile because honestly, there hasn’t really been much worth mentioning on that front lately. Search engine hits on this place have been way down lately, pretty much since the updates started getting really slow so maybe that’s our fault, who knows. When we were getting search hits they were either innocent ones or more of the same old stuff that we’ve beaten to death. But I noticed this one yesterday and it made me curious.

11 Feb, Wed, 18:25:04
Google:
comet it tastes like vomit

What the hell is that supposed to mean? Is it a line from a song or a story or something or is there somebody out there who is actually trying to track down puke flavoured space objects?

Thoughts? Ideas? Anything at all?

Wonder No More

Lately on the comment boards there has been a lot of activity, a lot of which has involved a mysterious guy by the name of Gee. I’m sure that a lot of you have your thoughts on who he is and I think it may have even been mentioned once or twice on the boards before but now I’m here to prove it. So now, once and for all proof that Gee = Nick. Observe.

This morning when I got out of bed and turned on the computer I swung by the site here to check on the comment boards as I normally do but on this day I wasn’t prepared for what I was about to find. Under Matt’s post about the boy with the new arm penis I found the following new comments. First I present you with this. Pay special attention to who is doing the talking here and then look long and hard at the name and date stamp at the end and see who is supposed to have written it.

Gee, come on, now. Stick to the subject. It’s about creating a new body part and such. Gee, stop reading between the lines. Matt didn’t put it there just so he can feel good about himself for putting it there. You just want to create contraversy here. Matt didn’t do that because of him being gay. Gee, just so you know, back when you tried to take Joe and I out from that ‘organization’, you didn’t finish the job. We’re still here.
Gee, in closing, I HAVE CONTROLLED YOU BEFORE, SO I CAN CONTROL YOU AGAIN!!!
Gee | 02.11.04 – 1:59 am |

That’s funny because I know a writing style when I see one and that was undoubtedly Nick. And if the writing isn’t enough I want to mention that I’m well aware of who Joe is, and he’s somebody very close to Nick. And don’t forget that Gee never uses the word “I” at any time. But yet somehow Gee is supposed to have written that as a threat to himself? Methinks that something doth smell rotten in Denmark. But wait, this gets better. Again, pay special attention to the style in which the comment is written and then even closer attention to the posting name at the end.

That was Gee (that’s me) who accidently had made a fool of himself. The thing is, Nick and Gee are close friends. Nick pulled one out on Gee, making him look like a fool.
And, in conclusion, I made Gee look so foolish that in this instance, Gee can be controlled.
nick | 02.11.04 – 2:02 am |

So our hero, realizing that he’s just profoundly fucked up 3 minutes earlier tries to make things right but ends up fucking up again, and doing so twice I might add. Notice that he started off in full on Gee mode and then switched back to Nick again right at the end. Now if that doesn’t scream Nick trying to work the boards then I’m not really sure what does. But now watch as he finally gets his shit together, well almost together anyway. At 2:04 AM, Gee finally returns to write as himself, or does he?

Nick, so what if you had decided to pull a fast one on Gee…typing as if you were Gee all along?
Now, one thing that won’t happen, is that THIS ISN’T THAT ‘ORGANIZATION’. I haven’t finished the job? Well, Nick. You’ve just asked for it.
Go Gee Go
GEe | 02.11.04 – 2:04 am |

Um…why is Gee’s name suddenly spelled wrong? I think we all know why but just in case we don’t, I’ll explain something to you. Our commenting system remembers who you are so you don’t have to keep filling in your information every time you want to say something. A handy little feature, one that I quite appreciate. And given the fact that Nick and Gee are supposed to be entirely different people it makes no sense that A they would post as each other by coincidence and B that Gee’s name would suddenly have capital letters in the wrong place at the exact moment that Nick realized just how deep he’d dug the fucking grave I’m tossing him in right now.

So I guess all that’s left to say now is go Gee go, and take that fucking idiot Nick with you.

Ok, smart people of the comment boards unite, and have a blast, I think you all know what to do here.

Help Wanted

Over on Salty Ham in the music zone we’ve got a new section that has just been launched and we’re looking for people to write there. It’s a classic album reviews section where you can feel free to write reviews on any album ever made no matter how old or what style it is. If you love it or hate it, here’s your chance to tell the world about it. If you’d be interested in contributing then shoot me an email at sendstuffhere@rogers.com and let me know. I’ll write you back and tell you how the process works and what you have to do to be considered for a writing position.

We’re also looking for weekly columnists in music as well as for people to review new albums. The address above will work for that too so feel free to use it.

Thanks for any response to this, you’d be helping us out a great deal and you’ll be giving yourself the chance to have your writing displayed in a public setting for all to see.

Just Say No

I come across some really weird things when I’m looking for topics for my radio shows but I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything quite like this, which is completely true by the way, you absolutely cannot write stuff like this. I also want to say that even though I’ve been known to drink heavily at times, I can’t say that I’ve ever had the urge to do this, especially not more than once.

Dog rape attempt goes astray
From correspondents in Bangkok
February 4, 2004

A THAI man was mauled when he drunkenly tried to rape a dog which fiercely resisted his advances, news reports said yesterday.

Police in Samut Prakan province, on Bangkok’s southeastern fringes, told the Thai Rath newspaper that Toryip Rawang, 33, had been drinking heavily with
friends before Monday’s incident.

Toryip was questioned by police after residents of the area notified local authorities when they saw the bloodied man walking along a road.

He told police he noticed a brown female stray dog wagging its tail and “acting sexy” and pulled it into some tall grass by the roadside.

But the dog resisted, biting him on his face, chest and arms before he gave up his attempt and tried to stagger home.

Under further questioning Toryip admitted to previously raping three dogs while he was under the influence of alcohol.

He told police he always became aroused when he drank heavily but did not have enough money to pay a prostitute.

Police said Toryip had been given a rabies shot and was not charged with a crime, but he had fled his home in an apparent effort to avoid public ridicule.

Cool Story Of The Day

I heard this on the radio again this morning and I think it’s definitely noteworthy.

Scientists in Russia have successfully grown a new dick for a Russian, teenage boy. They graphed the skin and allowed it to grow off of his bicep.(try explaining that in the summer). The graph was a complete success as, miraculously, the body excepted the cells and allowed it to grow.

Last week the doctor’s were able to remove it from the arm and put it in proper place and it is responding in the same way that any other aritifically grown manhood would (however that is). Word is that it is as gooas normal and he’ll go on to live a normal life. Things will be good for the boy as well.

Oh by the way. If anyone is curious as to what happened to the boy’s original one-eyed Johnson, the reporters were good enough to tell us. It was fried clean off of his body when he urinated on what he quickly found out was an active electric fence. Keep that in mind, gents, next time you figure there’s no harm in pissing on someone elses property.

So Tired

Hey, Everyone.
Well the updates have been few and far between just as we said they would be but I didn’t expect it to be like this. At leat not on my own end.

I got back from my Montreal trip on Monday afternoon and went in to work on Tuesday. That was a day of catching up on what I’d missed Friday and Monday. On Wednesday I woke up at about 3:00am with a sever case of projectile vomit. I didn’t go in to work on Wednesday as the day got progessively worse with chills and some lovely head aches. Thursday was not much better so I stayed in bed most of the day again. On Friday I got my shit back together and went back in to work and tried to resume a normal life.

It was then that I noticed my Internet Explorer was royally buggered and wouldn’t let me on. It’s not even like it won’t find sites, the program itself just will not open. So last night I got MSN Explorer up and running and I’m using that as my browser now as I still can’t get I E running. So that’s where I’ve been.

Tonight is the NHL Skills Competition. I love this stuff. It shows the players in kind of a laid back atmosphere just showing what they can do and having fun. I’ll be havin’ some people over for some beer and pizza just to kinda enjoy it. Tomorrow is the actual game. I’m not always a huge fan as in the actual games I like a bit of intensity but it should still be enjoyable. I’m sure I’ll still watch.

Only 3 more days until I jet off to Sweden for a 3 day competition. We’ll be there for 7 days but most of it will be spent getting over jet-lag before the competition. The day in between the end of the competition and the trip home will be spent in Copenhagen Denmark checking out the Karlsburg Brewery. Hang over on a trans-atlantic flight. Should be great.

Hopefully I’ll get back with something more later. If not…. well don’t be surprised.