Play Ball! Keep Playing! Faster! Move It! Go!

I talked a little bit about the length of playoff baseball games this morning, and now here comes the Score to basically prove me right.

I think they get a little too hung up on the amount of foul balls vs. balls in play, (watching a pitcher and hitter get into a battle of skills that becomes a struggle for one of them to win can actually be a very compelling and suspenseful aspect of the game), but they’re right about more here than they aren’t. We have absolutely got to keep these assholes in the goddamn box, for instance.

One issue is the number of batters who step out of the box between every pitch to adjust batting gloves, take practice swings, or go through other rituals. Batters didn’t do that in the 1980s. A few years ago, Grant Brisbee, then of SB Nation, did a granular study comparing the pace of a 1984 game versus one from 2014. The two games had very similar characteristics: score, number of pitches thrown, number of hits, and number of pitching changes. The 2014 contest was 35 minutes longer.
During my stint as a beat reporter covering the Pittsburgh Pirates in 2014, I used a stopwatch during one game to record every time a batter stepped out of the box with both feet.
In that nine-inning game, which took 3 hours and 37 minutes, batters were outside the box for a combined 39:51. There was likely a margin of error with my thumb on a stopwatch, but you get the point. Batters stepped out 190 times that night for an average length of 12.6 seconds.

The article also notes these very disconcerting facts.

From 1960 to 1990, the average time of a nine-inning postseason game increased by 20 minutes. But in the 30-plus years since 1990, it’s increased by 40 minutes.
The Boston Red Sox and Houston Astros opened their ALCS series with a nine-inning Game 1 that took 4 hours and 7 minutes to complete. It was outdone by Game 2, which took 4:08. Game 3? A brisk 3:16. Game 4? A not-so-brisk 4:04.

Jesus god almighty.

Yes, one of the things that makes baseball what it is is the lack of a clock. But I think we’ve reached the point where it’s safe to say that the sport in its major league form can no longer be trusted to use that freedom responsibly. It’s unlikely we’ll ever be able to do much about the commercial breaks that seem to get longer every year, but there are things that can and should be done about what’s happening on the field. Players, coaches, old crotchety commentators and even some fans aren’t going to like it, but we need to start strictly enforcing the rules adopted and then quickly forgotten in 2015 and make some serious movement on whatever good ideas are still in the pipeline. That automatic baserunner in extra innings thing can continue to die in a horrific accident, though. That one sucks.

Reach Out And Touch No One

I’m sure this will end up having a practical use or two, but just reading about it is giving me the fuckin’ heebie-jeebies.

The ability to shake the hand of a person half way around the world? Haaaaard no. If the thing I’m supposed to be touching isn’t an honest to god tangible thing, I don’t want to touch it. There’s enough shit in this world that isn’t as it seems. I don’t need any more. The ability to feel the things around me is something that I should be able to take for granted, even as a blind person. It’s a very large part of my sense of reality, and that’s something I don’t want manipulated, please and thank you. If I want to immerse myself in something that isn’t real, I’ll flip on the TV or read a book. That’s plenty good enough for me.

Researchers have developed a hologram that allows you to reach out and “feel” it — not unlike the holodecks of “Star Trek.”
University of Glasgow scientists have created hologram system that uses jets of air known as “aerohaptics” to replicate the sensation of touch, according to Ravinder Daahiya, a researcher who worked on the project. He said that the air jets can allow you to feel “people’s fingers, hands and wrists.” The team published a paper of their findings in Advanced Intelligent Systems.
“In time, this could be developed to allow you to meet a virtual avatar of a colleague on the other side of the world and really feel their handshake,” he said in his piece for The Conversation. “It could even be the first steps towards building something like a holodeck.”

Yankees And Tigers On The Radio…In 1934

This is something else. A complete radio broadcast of the September 20th, 1934 game between the New York Yankees and the Detroit Tigers.

This is the oldest full radio broadcast of a regular season baseball game known to exist (the 1934 All-Star Game is the only surviving full game broadcast that is older than this). Thursday, September 20, 1934, Yankees vs Tigers at Navin Field (Briggs/Tiger Stadium) in Detroit, Ty Tyson is the broadcaster, and also the PA announcer! Great old time radio. Lou Gehrig, Tony Lazzeri, Frank Crosetti in the lineup for the Bombers, and Hank Greenberg, Charlie Gehringer, Mickey Cochrane for the Bengals. Babe Ruth was in the ballpark, but unfortunately did not play due to injury (so the 1934 All-Star Game is the only surviving full game audio of Ruth, as he retired in early 1935). This was during the Tigers’ ’30’s heyday, on their way to the AL pennant.

Tyson includes many colorful ad spots along the way, a teletype machine can be heard through much of the broadcast, and Tyson even doubles as the PA announcer, but only for pitching changes and pinch hitters, which was likely the norm in those days (quick trivia: Tyson was also the PA announcer on May 2, 1939, informing the crowd when Lou Gehrig strode out to home plate at Briggs Stadium to present the lineup card without him in it). Just hearing the game as it slowly unfolded over 80 years ago is a treasure. Enjoy.

There are obviously a lot of amazing things about this, but one of the biggest ones for me is just how much faster the game moves. Maybe it’s more striking than usual because we’re smack in the middle of playoff season and so many of those games are so goddamn insufferably and unnecessarily long, but man oh man did they ever not mess around in 1934. Something happens, then the next thing happens. It’s astounding. And I say this about a game during which the announcer talks about how long things are taking! Everyone involved in MLB’s pace of play business ought to go back and listen to this if they’re truly serious about figuring out the problem.

Free Interrogation

The saying goes that there’s no such thing as something for nothing, but try telling that to the lucky fellows in Mississippi who recently found a free car.

Not only did an anonymous donor offer up a vehicle complete with keys for the taking and not ask a thing in return, but he was also kind enough to include a bonus dead guy in the deal, no strings attached.

Wait. Did you say bonus dead guy?

Yes. Yes I did.

According to Copiah County Sheriff Byron Swilley, a body was found inside of a vehicle in Copiah County.
Sheriff Swilley said a man drove the vehicle from Byram to Copiah County but realized that there was a body inside the vehicle’s trunk.
Coroner Ellis Stuart said two men found the car in Byram with a “free car” sign on it, with the key inside. They drove the car to Copiah County and looked inside after arriving at a family member’s home.
The body has been identified as 34-year-old Anthony Mccrillis. Stuart said his body had been in there for several days and was found without clothes.

That is seriously one of the creepiest things I’ve heard in a while, mostly because I can think of a few people in my life who would probably drive off in a free car without stopping to think hey, that’s weird.

But I also can’t help but be impressed with whoever did this. How does it not happen more often? It’s completely brazen and there’s no way it should work, but it shows a solid understanding of human nature and it’s not surprising that it would, at least for a while. While somebody else is doing all of the explaining, you’re in the wind.

Great job, awful person. I still hope you eventually rot in a free jail, though.

An Ode To The Poor Hamsters Of The World

We were listening to Dr. Demento, and a song came on that I can’t get out of my head. It’s so evil, but so good.

Those little kids shouldn’t be doing those horrible things with such glee!

But it made me think about a hamster that we had when I was a kid. Seriously, the words “poor hamster, poor hamster, how do you put up with this stuff?” seem very very true when I think about what our poor hamster went through. We didn’t mean to be mean…we were just…kind of clueless.

Little Pookybear was one of those classroom hamsters. You know, the ones that the kids take care of to learn about animals. At the end of the term, somehow Mom was able to bring him home to be our pet. We were so happy and thought this was the greatest thing ever!

Our cat also thought this was the greatest thing ever. “Ooo! They have served me up a meal in a cage!” he must have thought as he pounced on Pooky’s home. We quickly taught him that that rodent was not for eating, and I think he left Pooky alone after that. But what a traumatizing introduction to his new home for the hamster!

Then came the wheel. I think we got him a bigger wheel or something. But instead of it being a plastic wheel, it was metal. And it squeaked and squeaked and squeaked! All night long, there was a never ending string of screeches. Pooky’s cage was moved to the kitchen because it was not going to stay in the bedroom if the wheel made that racket.

Then Dad thought he would oil the wheel. But he didn’t think about food grade oil. Suddenly, Pooky wasn’t looking so hot. Thankfully we figured that out pretty quickly.

Then there was food. We were always giving him treats. We had to learn the hard way that lettuce is definitely supposed to be a very very rare treat. Google, you could have saved the Pookster a lot of pain. Oh yeah, you weren’t supposed to arrive for another 9 years or so. We did have a book on hamsters, and maybe we should have read it more.

And then there was the ball! We thought it was the cutest thing to put Pooky in it and let him romp about…but we were probably terrorizing the poor guy. We especially would have terrorized him when we lost track of him while he was in his ball only to hear a loud thump! Pooky had just taken a header off a giant step. I thought he could have seen that! Do hamsters not have depth perception? Nope, they don’t.

• Hamsters have poor eyesight and depth perception.  They can only see up to six inches in front of them.

Oh we really should have read more of that book!
So imagine this poor beast hurdling down the smooth kitchen floor, building up momentum…and then…freefall!

And how many times did we have him out of his cage and then he skittered off and we were terrified that he would end up in the couch cushions or in some other tiny crack or crevice?

At the end, poor Pookster was brought out on the deck to enjoy some sun…and I think we might have left him out in the sun for too long. Poor hamster, poor hamster, why must your life be so tough?

If the hamster crawls under the sofa, squish squish squish squish squish poor hamster.
If the hamster falls into the skillet…uh-oh, that might kill it.

Poor hamster, poor hamster, why must your life be so tough?
Poor hamster, poor hamster, how do you put up with this stuff?

If the hamster crawls into the microwave…eeewww! Hard to save!
If the hamster falls into the toilet, that’ll spoil it.

chorus

If the hamster should meet Schwarzenegger , Hamster la vista, poor hamster.
If there’s too many beans in his diet…I wouldn’t try it.

chorus

If the hamster meets a hamster girly, lotsa lotsa lotsa little little little hamsters.
If the hamster is caught playing with fireworks, Guantanamo Bay for the hamster.

chorus

If the hamster goes into the shower, Psycho Hamster.
If the hamster survives another hour, bravo hamster.

Chorus x 2
Hamster: Gees, what a creepy bunch of kids!
kids: Oh, Hamster?
Hamster: aaaaa!
slowed down chorus
Hamster: Ha ha, you missed me!

So Now There’s An Enhanced Vaccine Certificate…

So we’ve reached the time where vaccine certificates with QR codes are a thing. I guess it doesn’t totally flip into gear until Friday, but the enhanced certificates are available. They will be available for anybody who wants theirs by Monday, but this weekend they’re rolling availability out slowly so they don’t have stampeding electronic hoards knocking down the website. If your birthday is between January and April, you could get yours yesterday. Only those with birthdays between May and August could get theirs today, (run!), and only those with birthdays between September and December can get them tomorrow.

But if you just got your vaccine receipt all laminated up into a beautiful masterpiece and don’t want to deal with this new one, for now they’re saying that receipt is just fine. I hope they keep saying that, for the sake of older people or anyone else who might struggle to get the new QR code. From what I understand, the QR code just makes it faster and easier for businesses to screen people, and doesn’t require you showing your health card if you don’t want to. It just says your name, date of birth and if you have received two doses and are considered fully vaccinated.

Everybody’s all confused, thinking you need a phone, or an app, for this to work. Nope. You can print out your QR code and carry it. Just if you fold it, make sure you don’t crinkle the QR Code, and if you crop it, don’t crop off parts of the QR Code for Pete’s sake. And if you don’t have a printer, you can call 1-833-943-3900 or TTY 1-866-797-0007 and request the code emailed or mailed to you.

If you do store it in your phone, you can just put it somewhere and load it up. Or if you’re fancy shmancy and using iOS 15, you can load your QR code into the Health app. Here are some instructions.

To get your code, go to the COVID vaccination service and select enhanced vaccine certificate and follow the prompts. You will need the number and version code on the front of your health card plus the 9-digit code on the back, your date of birth and your postal code. I did it yesterday in less than five minutes from my phone. I was a happy human.

Also, Steve, you’ll be happy to know there is an answer to the vaccine clinical trial quandary and it can be found on the proof of vaccination page.

If you are participating in a covid 19 clinical trial authorized by Health Canada and specified in Ministry of Health guidance, you must provide both:
• identification
• documentation stating that you are currently participating in a clinical trial, including:
◦ a completed “Statement of Exemption due to Participation in a covid 19 Clinical Trial” form signed by the principal investigator and study participant (available through the clinical trial organizer)
◦ documentation from the principal investigator with your first and last name, date of birth and information about the clinical trial

We’ll see how well this goes, but at least I have what I need. Hopefully everyone else can get their stuff too.

A Song Called “This Christmas We’re Screwed” Is Not Something I Want Stuck In My Head

This video showed up in my Youtube suggestions a month ago. When I saw it, I thought “Ha ha ha aww cute. A relic from last year!” Actually…not so much. We have a hell of a lot of stuck shipping containers, factory staff shortages and chip shortages. Apparently we’d better get creative and start shopping now if we want anything. Gaaaa! I haven’t even started thinking about Christmas!

I was so proud of how we did last Christmas. I felt like we had gotten through the worst of it and it would be all sunshine and lollypops from here on out. It appears we’re in for another rough one. Can we pull this off? Plus, if we can do it, we’ll probably be going to see my family, so I need to have my Christmas stuff ready a couple of days early.

This is one of those moments where I wish I had been better at crafts and building stuff myself…even though I know I would still need materials.

Aside: What the hell is a Snacking Grogu?

Oh. I guess it’s this.

When I first heard the reference to it in the song, I thought it was some kind of snack-making machine. This is much less weird than what I had in mind.

Healthy? Part 1

Our old pal Gill is going through some stuff at the moment, and it seems she feels like talking about it. This looks to be the first in an ongoing series. We certainly wish her the best. Here’s hoping they figure out what’s wrong and can patch you up good as new.

My mom often has told me if something doesn’t feel right to have it looked at. It’s good advice.

Know Your Body

The body is a marvelous and weird thing with functions that baffle and amaze, but sometimes in this extraordinary machine things can go wrong or break down.

The extremes

We all have a weight, an energy level, or pace we go at, but what if that changes? Example, I bought a pair of black shorts in early May that were quite comfortable when I purchased them, but by the time July rolled around I put them on one morning and I was swimming in them.  This would not have been an issue if I was trying to lose weight, but this didn’t just come from walking.  A retired nurse family friend commented that I looked thinner.

The opposite can also be alarming. If six months ago you fit comfortably into a size 12 and now you’re barely able to zip up a size 18 and it’s not the lockdown pack on nor have you changed your eating habits much, look in to it.

It’s painful I know

On July 20 of this year I called an ambulance with pain on my left lower back and abdomen.  I thought that I was passing a kidney stone and could barely function.  I can not stress what my mom said enough. If you’re like me or my sister as a teenager experiencing unusual bruising, check that out.  In my sister’s case the bruising was caused by a blood disorder.

Your not yourself

These last few months have been an up and down ride for me between the unexplained weight loss and the frequent Nancy Drew sessions trying to rule things out. I have had days where I have all the energy in the world and you would never know that I’ve been sick. But there also have been days where I have barely the energy to get dressed let alone go for my sanity walk.

How Am I Now?

My first answer would be to tell you that I am sick and tired of being sick and tired, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg.  I have recently gone through some tests that I will tell you about in part 3, but today I’m not bad.

For now, I’ll leave you with this: If your family and friends notice that you tend to favor one leg, can barely get out of bed, or have symptoms that you didn’t have a month ago, get it checked out.

We’re Old Enough To Vote. Woe


I could hardly believe it when it hit me, but today this place turns 18 years old. Seriously, what the hell? Where did all that time go?

I’ll spare you all the stuff about how much the world has changed since we started. We’ve done that before and I’m sure we’ll do it again. I’ll just let you sit here, much like I am doing now, and marvel at the fact that this place is old enough to vote and even drink in some places. I’ll confess that we’ve been feeding it booze since it was a baby though, which probably explains a lot, actually.

Happy birthday, you weird young…man? Woman? Thing? I don’t know what you are. But you’re a lot of fun and we’ll happily keep you alive as long as you stay that way.

Very Hard Jeopardy! Questions

Here’s some fun. 20 of the Hardest ‘Jeopardy!’ Questions of All Time

They call them some of the hardest questions of all time because none of the three contestants answered them correctly. Hard is a very subjective description, obviously.

Anyway, have a look at the clues on that list and see how many of them you can get. Each correct response is right below, so be careful not to spoil anything for yourself by accident. I got eight, which means that I failed the test assuming we’re using the 50% is a pass standard they went with when I was in school.

Here are the ones I managed. Feel free to crush me because you know more things than I do.

  • Category: Potpourri
    Question: If you know the correct procedure, you “know” this, also a tool.
  • Category: Van Gogh A-Go-Go
    Question: One theory about Van Gogh’s odd behavior is poisoning from this liqueur made from wormwood.
  • Category: Sports Nobility
    Question: This controversial head coach led Indiana to 3 NCAA hoops titles & the U.S. to a gold medal in 1984.
  • Category: The Not So Vicious Circle
    Question: 1989 film in which Keanu Reeves tells Alex Winter, “Strange things are afoot at the Circle K.”
  • Category: Time to Jazz-ercise
    Question: This singer was homeless for the year before her big break, winning an amateur contest at The Apollo Theater in 1934.
  • Category: World History
    Question: This castle famous for its “stone” was built by Cormac MacCarthy about 1446.
  • Category: Talkin’ Sports
    Question: Your choice: do or don’t name this play in which the QB runs the ball & can choose to pitch it to another back.
  • Category: Canadian Cities
    Question: In 1992, this city’s velodrome, once used in the Olympic Games, was transformed into an environmental biodome.