The End Of Another Era

First Ric Flair retires, and now this.

After New Year’s Eve, the Royal Canadian Air Farce, a Canadian institution if there ever was one, will be no more. Even though the show is far from what it used to be and doesn’t have the same kind of can’t miss feel to it that it did back when John Morgan did a lot of the writing, this is still sad news to me.

The Farce will always have a special place in my heart because it was such a big part of my childhood. As a kid, I looked forward to every Sunday afternoon because I knew there would be a new Air Farce show on CBC Radio. And when I figured out that it played on CBC Stereo on Saturday mornings, I was in heaven. Whenever I could I’d listen to it Saturday, and if it was really good I’d be sure to tape it Sunday so I could keep it and listen to it at nights while I was falling asleep or whenever I needed to laugh.

When it moved to television years later, watching it became something that my dad and I would always enjoy doing together. In fact, our love for that show was one of the very few things the 2 of us had in common.

So no matter what people may say about it and man alive is it ever getting roasted in the story comments at the link above, I’ll definitely miss it and I’ll certainly always appreciate its place in history, both Canada’s and my own.

Heavy On Confusion, Light On Logic

Explain this logic to me. You go to a store and buy some things. You have a backpack on. You say you’d like to put the things you bought in the backpack so your hands will be free. The people at the store help you put a bunch of stuff in the backpack, and then say if they put any more in, it will be too heavy, so they think it would be better if you carry some of the heavy things on your arm.

Huh? How does that make anything any lighter? Last time I checked, the arm bone was connected to the shoulder bone which was connected to the backbone. The same body has to carry all of the stuff. Just some of it has been relocated to an appendage instead of a back. Isn’t your back stronger than your arms?

Plus, this stuff is now hanging from an arm which also has to give dog commands. This means that now, while giving a correction or telling her to go left, I could potentially hit Trixie in the face with swinging heavy objects. Dandy! But several times, people have thought this was logical. Am I the only one who doesn’t see the logic?

When I Grow UP, I Want To Crush children’s Imaginations

If this column by Rosa Brooks is any indication, her kids will be in therapy before they reach their teens. Hopefully this article was mostly written as a joke, but somehow I doubt it.

I have one question for this woman. If she doesn’t like Disney Princess stuff, why does she own their movies and let her kids watch them? Her daughters aren’t going to the store and buying this stuff, she is. It’s the same thing as that old thing about kids and junk food advertisements.

And, for the love of Pete, woman, let your three-year-old have some imagination. We all wanted to be something crazy when we grew up. Talking about anorexia and guillotines to a toddler will get you exactly nowhere.

What else is there to say? Maybe stay away from this woman at any social gathering. If this column is any indication, she’s not a barrel of laughs.

Put Away Those Pliers

Well, it looks like The TSA has apologized for the way officers acted in the case of the nipple-ring at the airport. Holy shit. The government openly apologized for something they did wrong and are going to fix it! They’ve seen sense and realized that a visual inspection of the thing hanging from someone’s boob should suffice.

Good! That didn’t take as long asI thought it would.

Do You Hear What I Hear? I Hope So.

Remember when I said that I thought evolution was removing people’s ability to see? Now I think they’re losing their ability to listen. People can hear, but they just can’t process what they’re hearing worth a shit.

Here’s one example. I went into the post office. I told the lady that I had to mail a few things, two of which were going to the U.S. and I’d brought another sheet with all the items and the addresses where they were going. Before I’ve handed her the sheet with the addresses on it, she asks me where that sheet is going. I told her that’s not going anywhere, that has the addresses where these other things are going written on it. then she starts trying to address one thing and goes “Oh! This is going to the States!” What did I just say? Am I speaking in foreign tongues? Listen for half a second and you’ll know what to do!

Another time, I was walking somewhere and I asked someone if I was in the vacinity of the Jewellery store. He just kept talking. “Go straight. You have a ways to go. Go straight. Keep going straight. straight straight straight.” Hey guy, I know I have to turn to get to the jewellery store, I just don’t know where.

Then there was the time Trixie had made an error and I wanted to make her get it right. There’ll be a whole post on that later. I asked a lady to stand right there so I could know if I was going the right way. She said “ok.” followed immediately by “good luck!” and her leaving! Thanks for comin’ out, lady.

And here’s a good one that happened today. the folks who run the disability pension stuff sent me a letter. “We want to see verification that you still have your guide dog,” it said. “Please send us some documentation.” But they didn’t say what kind of documentation it was they needed.

I phoned them. I said right off the bat that I was blind, I had tried to scan the letter, but it didn’t scan correctly, and that this was concerning my guide dog. The woman said she had to look up my file and needed my member number. I said I didn’t remember it. The robot of a woman immediately spit out “Well, it’s on every piece of print matter we send you…” she didn’t manage to finish before I was saying I just told her I was blind! Then I asked her how a blind person was going to quickly go look at some print. I mean I could scan it, but scans aren’t as fast as the glance she was expecting, and they certainly aren’t always accurate. After that, of course, then my name would suffice. Yeah, that’s what I thought.

She probably wouldn’t have pissed me off nearly as much as she did if she wasn’t the fourth person I met this week who was acting as if they were deaf. Am I really that hard to comprehend? Has English changed in a subtle way that has left me out in the cold? Or are people really going selectively deaf?

Tito’s Pizza

It’s funny how you can live in the same city for years and still not know all there is to know about what’s there. On Sunday night, when we had a friend over to watch Mania, we discovered a new pizza place! Our friend introduced us to Tito’s pizza. We’d never heard of them, and that’s a damn shame. They deliver, they’re cheap, their food is yummy, and it’s not a huge company. The woman who brought the food was the head guy’s wife! How often does that happen?

I don’t know how we did this, but apparently the woman who brought the pizza really liked us, even though Trixie was driving her insane. But she liked us so much that the next time we order from them, we get a free pound of wings! It was so weird how that happened. She left, and a couple of hours later, we got a call from the place. I was worried that my credit card had messed up or something. Nope! That’s when he told us the news about the wings, and to tell all our friends about the place. Sure thing, glad to!

So, if you’re in Guelph and want some pizza, give Tito’s a try. 519-780-0808. It’s yummy!

The Babs Journal: Day 17 (May 25, 2005)

I feel better today. I slept really really deep last night, even slept in a wee bit.

Got up, took this one out, she peed, took her back in, fed her, took her out again and she peed, but she didn’t poop. I was nervous maybe I’d just missed it. Came back, felt sick. Lay down and didn’t have a shower. Came to breakfast, and breakfast looked raunchy. Toast with a slice of processed cheese on it and butter. That didn’t look good to a queezy stomach. I didn’t really touch it, just drank the juice. I went back to the room and lay down again.

Margery wasn’t feeling too good, and I think Sharon wasn’t feeling her best either. I lay down and then I got Babs up, took her out, she just peed again. I’m like gees am I missing it? Then I came in, did obedience and then brought her out to the van.

We went to Bayshore mall. Wow that was cool. Intense, but cool. We deaked and weaved through obstacles and went through stores. I hit one thing, sorta brushed it, but other than that, nope. We took the coolest elevator. It was all glass, and it would say things like, door is opening, door is closing, going down, second flor. It was like in the movies. So we did that and then we took a couple escalators. Yep she can do it. It’s a little nerve-wracking, but she did it quite well.

Instructor Tim locked his keys in the car, woops, so he didn’t have kibble for the dogs as rewards for doing the escalator. So I just told her how awesome she was.

Then Margery went and did the mall zooming and I just drank a pop. I had two people, complete strangers come and talk to me about my dog. Yep yep, the thing about the dog being an ice-breaker is working. Haha. Two kids were so sad that they couldn’t pet her. I would have taken the harness off, but I was a little nervous that she might go a little loopy in the mall. So I said no and thanked them for asking.

Came back here and didn’t touch the sandwich. But we got Anka’s card signed. The rest of the class liked it. So I picked a good card.

Did I mention that when we came back to the school I took her out for a busy and she finally pooped? Yeah! Success! I have to admit, mine did the whole leash busy flawlessly. It’s nice to have a better day. It’s amazing what your frame of mind is like when you’re tired compared to well-rested. I still have to groom this one. And start packing. Packing! Tomorrow morning is our last walk. The last walk before all the signing and handing over of lunies. They have us pay a buck to the school so it’s some kind of business deal. I don’t understand it, but there it is.

I think tonight is free and then tomorrow night is grad, and then we go home! Have to get a hold of mom and dad and see when they’re coming. yeesh! Can’t believe it. I’ll write later. We’re going out to do traffic islands, whatever they are…they’re making Sharon nervous, so I should be terrified.

Well traffic islands are a little nerve-wracking, I don’t think I’d do them until I absolutely have to. They’re in this place where there’s a turning lane. So since there’s a lane like that, they have an island in the middle where pedestrians can stand and then go when it’s safe again. So you cross, treat it like an upcurb, go a wee bit in the direction away from the traffic, and then go again when it’s safe. And get to either another island or an up-curb. So did that, went into Canadian Tire, and did turnstyles! That’s a bit of an art, but not bad. Then we went to Dairy Queen…and I had the brownie batter blizard. Mmm…blizard. It was good, but I was very full, and thus had trouble eating supper.

We gave Anka her thing. She was so so so surprised and touched. It was the best. She said she didn’t want to open the coffee because she wanted to keep it to remind her of us. We all managed to sign the instructor Tim card.

Oh yeah, last night we found out that we’re not supposed to buy things for individual staff, they’d rather we just give to the centre. Woops, a little late on that one. But no going back now. It makes me a little mad. Why can’t we give to who we damn well please? And after all the work they do, they deserve some rewards.

You have the right to be a lot more mad than a little. That was another red flag.

So after dinner, I came back and Babs was in a real playful mood. I took her out and she pooped again and then I brought her back and we played a game of let’s pin Carin down and lick her face off. God she was funny. I gave her her bone too and she gnawed the ever-loving hell out of it. Then we both crashed for a while and then I came out and talked to Sharon. She gave me her address and the pet care number. I’m debating whether I’ll put her on pet care, it’s a pet health insurance. On the one hand, it would insure that I have serious nutty vet bills covered and not have to worry about whether the CNIB’s fund is alive, but on the other hand, it’s 40 bucks a month, and the guide dog allowance is only 64 bucks a month…doesn’t allow me to save for annual checkups and things the insurance won’t cover. I guess what I decide will depend on what that lump is on Babs. I’m going to Sue Hawkins and asking her point blank, “What in the hell is that lump? I want an answer before I leave with this dog.”

So tomorrow morning we go on our last walk. Then after, we wait to sign. Then after that, we go over some things in the qualification packages and instructor Tim tells us what to do when we go home. We get our medallians to put on our work and play collars. Way cool. Then it’s grad night. Woe papa. Then it’s pack like a mo fo. So if I don’t round up the last two days until I get home, you’ll know why.

Money Well Spent

Did any of you watch Wrestlemania last night? If so, what did you think? Me, I thought the show was great for the most part, and surprisingly worth the money. I didn’t do worth a shit on the predictions that I was far too lazy to write up and post yesterday, only managing to go 4 for 10. Ouch. But even though I was surprised by some of what went down, most of them were good surprises and in the end that’s all that matters.

When I talk about good surprises though, unfortunately I can’t include the JBL vs. Finlay match. The match itself was fine, but JBL going over? Seriously? Nothing against him, but this father of the midget storyline needs to end like right now, sooner if possible. It’s in no way interesting, and come to think of it, if there’s one thing that’s been even more confusing than
Big Show Mayweather,
this is it.

Speaking of which, Floyd vs. Show was miles ahead of what I expected it would be. It ended up being a No Holds Barred match where you could win by pinfall, knockout or submission. Floyd won by knockout after using a chair and some brass knuckles. I figured he would win, because rarely does a celebrity come in to do the job. I was talking to our old friend Matt during the show, and he was worried about what the loss would do to Big Show. Personally I don’t think it’ll hurt him, because Show has been losing big and not so big matches for years and people still buy the character. He’ll bounce back from this just like he has everything else. The crowd wasn’t happy with the finish either as they were solidly behind Big Show all night, but still, decent match, way better than history has shown boxer vs. wrestler matches to be.

While we’re on the subject of things Matt doesn’t like, the streak lives. Undertaker beat Edge to win the world title in what turned into a hell of a match. I thought things started off kind of slowly, but when I think about it now, that’s exactly how it should have gone. Edge lost nothing by losing this match as he was booked to kick out of or counter everything Taker threw at him, right up to the end when he got caught and tapped out to the gogoplata after nearly having him beaten. I’m sure they’ll do a rematch at next month’s Backlash, and I’ll be looking forward to it. And Matt, I couldn’t disagree with you more about Undertaker needing to go. In the last couple of years he’s had some of the best matches of his career. Christ, he managed to pull more than one fantastic match out of Batista. He should be holding every title in the company just for that.

In other title action, Kane took on Chavo Guerrero for the ECW championship. Ok, not so much took on as completely squashed to win. I think the whole match might have gone 10 seconds. Did Chavo shit in somebody’s bag or something? I have no idea why it was booked that way, and I’m not sure what you do with Chavo at this point. I suppose you could rematch him with Kane once or twice, but what then?

One of the biggest surprises of the night to me was ECW’s CM Punk winning Money In the Bank. Man, am I the master of the segway or what? I expected MVP to win unless Matt Hardy got involved. He did, so hopefully we’ll finally get the United States title match they’ve been building too for months. Anywho, MITB was great as it usually is, and I loved the finish with Punk and Jericho each coming close to getting the win before Punk hung Jericho in a ladder Tree of Woe and got the case. On a side note, I hope Shelton Benjamin is still alive. That was one scary bump.

Can somebody tell me who Kim Kardashian is and why I should care? Based on my research, which consists entirely of watching her appearances on Raw and Mania, all I know is that she is a wooden statue of a robot. Please tell me she’s not an actress, because judging by the way she delivered her lines last night, she’s not qualified to deliver pizza. Jesus fuck she was terrible.

I enjoyed the Triple Threat WWE title match, especially because Randy Orton won. Seriously, as soon as he hit that kick to Triple H and covered Cena, I cackled like a madman. I’m no fan of Orton, but given the choice of him, Cena or the H’s as champ, I take Orton hands down. It’s the only way to keep things at least somewhat interesting. The only question now is who ultimately takes the belt from him? My guess is we’ll see CM Punk jump to Raw and cash in his title shot. Considering who the champions are right now and the possibilities for new title feuds on Raw, it’s the only thing that makes any sense. Now that I’ve said that, we’ll probably get the same damn match again at Backlash and Trips will wind up pinning him. I hope not, because I’d hate to see the show continue to be stuck in that rut. There’s nowhere you can go with Cena or HHH as champ right now that we haven’t already gone a million times before, so please, do something different.

The only talking I’ll do about Bunnymania is this line where I say I’m not going to talk about it. Oh, and yea Santino Marella, just because he’s great.

That brings us to the true main event of the evening. No disrespect to anybody else, but Ric Flair and Shawn Michaels was what everybody came to see. And hell, they put on a show. I’ve read a couple of people saying that the match didn’t live up to expectations, but based on what a lot of people were looking for going in, there’s no way it possibly could have. I really enjoyed what we got. It had drama, mat wrestling, table spots, even a bit of blood, though not as much as you’d probably think. and post match, with Flair walking out to those huge cheers, that’s something I wish I could have been there for. I can’t believe that as of right now the wrestling business exists and Ric Flair isn’t wrestling in it. That’s going to take some getting used to. I’m sure he’s got a job in WWE for as long as he wants it and I’m sure we’ll see him again, but the idea that he’s not a full time wrestler anymore is a hard one to get my head around.

The final word on the show is that it was much better than it looked going in. if you’ve got the money to spend and want to see some history, definitely get a replay.

The Babs Journal: Day 16 (May 24, 2005)

Long day, am tired and low and lacking in confidence. Went out in the morning with her, exhausted, stayed up too late. missed her peeing. Went out again, caught some of her poop but not all of it. Didn’t even feel her back do that thing. How am I going to get this right by Friday? When on long leash to busy, can’t reach her easily to touch her back, but short leash is too close for her. So must figure out how to do it on long leash.

Came back inside and we did have a delicious breakfast. I ate it so fast. Then I did my laundry..had to do it all in one load. Was tired, sat and played with her for a little while, am worried she doesn’t really like me, doesn’t like to put leash on, tries to get away, does she trust me? Do I trust her? Why didn’t this low point hit sooner?

Well, you were on your way here, that’s for sure.

Legs hurt, very stiff. Went out on walk, couldn’t focus. Legs cramped up, had to shorten walk, was sad. Came back to check on clothes. Dryer didn’t dry them. Tried again. Found Margery’s bra in the laundry room so brought it to her. Played with Amy, brought mine in and they played together, ha ha. Babs thinks she’s the alpha dog. She jumped on Amy and made like she was trying to hump her. She also stole Amy’s bone and tried to drink her water.

So that’s why now my dog is the humpee. It’s revenge!

I think I was covered in golden retriever hair. Anyway went out again, oh in the morning we went through a congested market and the dogs had to focus. I was having a hard enough time focusing, let alone my dog.

In the afternoon we did country walk, which was easier than I expected. Basically it’s walking down a country road with no curbs on either side, just shoulders and ditches. It was still stressful, but not as stressful as I remember suburban walks being. So that was this afternoon. Am supremely bagged now. Bagged times 10.

Came back, took her out for a something, still no good at telling what I’ve got. Fed her, and took her out again, found some poop I missed from before so picked up. Damn it. Got our centenal heartworm/flee/tic control pills that I’m to give her on June first and once every month until they’re gone…and then get them again in the spring I guess. Was hard to focus on vet because bagged. Couldn’t ask about lump because she was in too much of a hurry. Damn it. Want answer soon.

Left for dinner, was exhausted, feeling low. Dog was being sorta bad, was wondering if I was giving enough praise. Feeling scared to leave and sick of people bitching about the weather and the sandwiches. A. at least it’s still pretty damn good weather considering what it could be, and b. yeah sandwiches suck, but at least someone’s cooking for us. Please, it could be worse. We could have to train *and* make our lunches. But I know it’s just their way of dealing with being tired, missing their families, and we’re all getting on each other’s nerves. But part of me is afraid to leave. part of me is just terrified. What if I don’t trust her? I still catch myself doing silly things because I don’t trust her yet.

Went out for dinner, ate, was good, took Babs to bathroom stall. Was an art. Even with being a disabled bathroom stall, was interesting holding a sniffing dog and fighting with the door.

Had the first nitwit try and pet my dog and succeed in harnesss, ran off before I could tell him off. Arg.

Came out from restaurant, went to place for night walk. Was terrified. Why am I still losing confidence? Terrified of messing up. Sue was there too. I dropped the handle once and asked if I crossed ok cause she freaked me out cause the up curb was huge. Rest of the walk went well, except my legs are sore. Somebody just wheel me around when I get home, ha ha. Pain pain pain! Sue says we’re doing well. Came back here exhausted. dryer still didn’t work right. Super arg. Dogs seem exhausted. I’m exhausted. Should take pills and crash before I fall asleep where I sit. Bagged. Bagged and then some.

The Babs Journal: Day 15 (May 23, 2005)

Today was interesting so far. Went out on individual walks. Sorta felt more comfortable. I always feel a wee bit nervous when I start off, but we seem to fall into place.

Or so you led yourself to believe.

Had one crossing where she danced so we were facing into the middle of the intersection, gotta get used to detecting that.

that would be the signal to instructor Tim to help me get used to that! Knowing you’re going home in 4 days and are having trouble aligning is not a safe plan. But he would just help me fix it by turning me the right way, but it was always rushed.

Then I took her out after the walk and she peed and I could tell she peed. I’m getting better at that. Oh and I actually picked up her poop. Guess I missed some…but I didn’t step in any, and I knew she pooped! Yee ha! This is getting easier.

Poor Margery, Amy had an accident in her room. She seems very frazzle fried, poor woman. Everyone’s in a low mood today. Tim and Sharon and Margery are now all taking their dogs out into this grassy little run because they thought they’d go better. They all did poop I guess. Think that’s all that’s happened so far.

Today I speak to Babs’ puppy walkers! Heehee! chinese food tonight…mmm…chinese.

I have these mixed feelings. I’m excited to be done, but I’m afraid to go home. Everybody else is really anxious to get home. Tim’s really super lonely and pessimistic, Sharon’s counting the days and celebrating. I’m just nervous. Getting a little better considering I can figure out what she’s doing now…but still nervous.

Now we’re going to group free run the dogs. This should be interesting to watch. They wanna play. I guess I should get there.

Well that was fun…did a whole bunch of group obedience, and threw in a whole bunch of distractions, things like, oh, say, Buddy the kennel cat coming by, being teased with toys, kibble, each other, but they misbehaved, and we were able to hold onto them. Cruel tricks on the dogs.

No. That should have been going on every damn day.

Then we let them loose. They had great amounts of fun…and out in the damn paddock, I stepped in poop! What is with my attraction to poop? Instructor Tim had to clean my shoe.

I don’t know what’s with Babs. She has her nose pressed to the door and won’t come when I sit on the floor and call her. I worry sometimes that she hasn’t bonded with me…na. It’s probably just cause she’s tired from the free run. That must be it.

Go with your gut, past self! And what were you smoking that a nose pressed to the door is a sign of being tired? That’s a sign of the dog wanting to go after something!

Crap! It’s 5:30 that I have my call. So I have to get her all fed and pooped before then. And I still have to groom her today. Today’s just been chaotic. Fun though.

My dog escaped. I opened the door and she had her nose pressed to it and then ran out. I got her back though.

What did I say? What did I say? Hahahahaha!

Then I went to find instructor Tim to call my puppy walkers, and found out Margery got lost outside. Ok, you walk out the door and you make a slight right and there’s a fense. Follow the fense and you’ll find a gate. Open it, take your dog into the grassy poop pen, find the gate again, turn around and go back and you’ll find the door. Not Margery. She ended up by kennels and who knows where else? oh dear dear. She was so scared she said “piss on it, I’m not using the grassy poop pen…I’m using the other run.” Poor woman is just shaken to the core. Poor poor woman.

Well anyway I talked to my puppy walkers, and I was so nervous. I was trying to think of things to ask her..and the only thing I could think of was what was Babs like as a puppy and what toys did she like? She likes congs apparently, and was a real chewer. She interrogated me though. “What job do you do? Will you be taking her? What children will you see? Where do you live? Send me pictures! I will be coming for a visit, expect me…” My god I felt like I was being screened for adoption. I was so nervous that the call didn’t last long. Then I ran Babs out to busy and got in the van and we went for Chinese.

Poor Margery was so quiet I just wanted to take her aside and give her a hug and say it’s alright, we all get lost sometimes. Hell leaving the office after the call I thought I was going to get lost in the maze of doors. But I found the right one thank god.

Babs was so dead to the world after her free run that when I shook the leash, she wouldn’t budge. Eventually I got her up.

Dinner was yummy. The only funny thing that happened was I bent down to see what Babs was doing, and got this big hand in my hair. I’m like Margery, I’m not Amy. We all had a good laugh, including Margery.

After, we came back and Tim read over the qualification packages. I hope all that stuff is on disk. Apparently a lot is. One thing that pisses me off is they assumed before that someone would be around to fill out your monthly report forms with you that you send back for the first six months. Um, dude? Even if I had tons of sighted friends around, who’s going to have time to sit and help me answer 20 questions once a month? Not really anybody. Oh well if it’s not on disk I’m sure they’ll find a way. And the sheets on access rights for guide dogs were in print. Ok there guys. Sure I can scan them, but why not just put them on the disk? Hello! Oh well we’ll see when I get the disk and find out what’s on it.

Then I bought a beany buddy for my neighbour. So that’s done. Then Sharon and I got talking. She’s funny. I was really starting to think she didn’t like me because there were a lot of bitter comments flying around about what we were eating, how many days were left, I was just like gees am I that annoying? I just figured I’d lay low.

Gotta remember to tell fund raising Steve tomorrow that mom and dad are willing to empty the Walmart guide dog.

Margery’s so funny. In describing what Amy was doing in the poop run, she said, “Oh, she’d jerk off to the left and jerk off to the right.” We were having trouble not going into spasms of laughter. I think we did rather well.

I think that’s about it. I’m tired. I should sleep. It’s late. Babs is snoring like a buzz saw.