Unknown Reasons And Other Random Wrestling Musings

I’ve got a few random wrestling thoughts floating around in my head, so I thought I’d better write them down before they’re out of date or I forget about them like 3 quarters of what happens on TNA. If you’re not a wrestling person, feel free to skip this post, there’s nothing for you to see here.

I wonder how many of you actually stuck around after I warned that there was a wrestling post ahead. I suspect not a lot, at least not if the search stats here on the site and my own personal experience mean anything at all. I’m starting to think that out of my circle of wrestling watching friends and acquaintances, I’m pretty much the last man standing. The last time I can remember spending any length of time bullshitting with a buddy about wrestling was back in the summer, and most of that was talking about how much we liked UFC and how much better their shows have been than WWE’s. Before that I spent a weekend catching another friend up on current happenings because he was visiting for a few days and we decided to order SummerSlam. The guy couldn’t remember the last time he watched any wrestling at all, and he used to be a huge fan, one of those people who tried not to miss anything. Since that time, other than a few short conversations with an uncle and watching
No Mercy
with a bunch of people who weren’t really fans, there’s been nothing. No what’d you think of the show emails, no should I get a replay, and not even any what’s your take on the latest big news story? I’m not saying that wrestling is in danger of dying off anytime soon, but when you’re driving away your biggest fans and not holding even casual interest, something is definitely in need of fixing before it does.

One of the things in need of fixing is the quantity and quality of pay-per-view events out there. WWE alone has 2 this month, each weighing in at a hefty $40. Other than the most hardcore fans and people who cover the business for a living, who is going to drop that much coin on shows that with very few exceptions are no better than what you can see every week for free? Cyber Sunday is a good example of that. It had the voting for matches and stipulations hook so more people may have watched it, but other than Undertaker Batista and Triple H Umaga, everything else was about average and nothing I’d ever need to see again. By the time next year’s version comes around I doubt I’ll remember anything about this one, and when your goal is to have me spend money, like the show and then decide to spend money again in the future, this is bad.

Just when I think TNA can’t get any more ridiculous, they go out and top themselves. I’m not even talking about the current world title situation, you know, the one that revealed, at least in the context of storylines, that TNA Management doesn’t watch their own show. Then again, who could blame them? No, I’m talking about the
Junior Fatu/Robert Roode
thing again.

As I figured would happen, Fatu beat old Whatshisname to advance in the tournament. If that was the worst of it, I could have written it off as another in the long line of stupid fucking things done by this stupid fucking company. But oh no, this is TNA, always ready to go above and beyond. Later in the week, reports come out that Junior has left the company over money issues. You realize what this means don’t you? TNA, brain surgeons that they are, had been giving a main event level push to a guy that they not only didn’t have under contract, but hadn’t even finished negotiating with. rgJMP:jm'[aiREHJQEKL;RHA;DHLKJASDHFLASKDHF! That, in case you were wondering, was me bashing myself repeatedly in the head with my keyboard.

So with Fatu now out of the picture, it falls to TNA to explain why he isn’t around anymore and to slide somebody into his vacated tournament spot. So what do they do? Do they give Robert Roode his spot back? Do they give Christian, who wasn’t even a participant when it started but won his way this far a buy to the finals? No. They put Chris Harris, who wasn’t even in the original brackets, into a match against Christian because, and I wish I was making this up, he was so close to making it during the qualifying. a;slskdhfqw[oiur9p84p987523409kljasdghkljadhgalkjtgertgqlkglalksjdfhkljahdfklk;ajsdnv

As for why Junior wasn’t there? The best that TNA could come up with was, and I quote, “unknown reasons.” Unknown reasons? You mean you don’t even know why he left? I guess that makes sense since management doesn’t have a clue what’s going on either in real life or on the show, but come on. How hard would it have been to say that he suffered an injury in training, was unable to compete and was giving up his spot? I came up with that idea in 10 seconds, and TNA, with days worth of warning, could only pull out unknown reasons? That explains a lot. Also makes the company look real good, doesn’t it? “Gee, we don’t know why this guy left in the middle of a world title tournament.” Idiots.

And speaking of idiots, WWE is now making the names of people suspended for failing Wellness tests public, and the first 2 names came out last week. Chris Masters is out for 60 days which means that this is his second violation, and Harry [D.H.] Smith, who just started to appear on TV, is out for 30. the Smith case is sad, because of all the people you’d think wouldn’t be failing tests, he’s the guy. I don’t know what he tested positive for, but what I do know is that in 2002, his father DaveyBoy Smith, also a wrestler, died, and drug use was a major factor. Hopefully Harry is smart enough not to take the same road, but I’ve given people in wrestling too much credit before, so I’m not holding my breath.

That’s all for now. If any wrestling fans still read this thing, feel free to drop a comment or an email. It’d be nice to know a few of you still exist.

Just What We Need. Something Else To Distract People While They Drive

Thanks to a new service called Horntones, you, yes you, can have the most annoying car on the road, at least until somebody else with the same idea and complete lack of respect for money as you have comes riding through town.

For a mere $300, you can get your hands on the FX550, a device that will enable you to broadcast any mp3 you wish to the surrounding area at a pretty solid volume whenever you honk your horn. When I say solid, I’m talking fair-sized speaker and 150 wat amp, so people will definitely hear you. It also comes with 250 megs worth of memory and 9 presets, so with a little imagination and creativity, you’ll never run out of new and exciting things to tell the world. And when I say never, I suppose what I really mean is until the world hauls you out of your car and beats you to death for playing the “your driving is the drizzling fucking shits” sound at it one too many times, or maybe just for being the kind of douchebag who would rig his car up like that for any other reason than it’s part of a parade.

You Did Have A Problem, But We Fixed It. Carry On!

Explain how this is supposed to work. I have a Feedburner account so we can have the funky doodle RSS and email thing up there in the top of the page. Cool! One of the services Feedburner offers is called Feed Bulletin. It says that it will send messages to you when the feed goes down, and occasionally, there will be messages from the Feedburner crew. Double cool! But, if you get the email version, it only sends you one email per day! So, unless you have a feed problem of astronomical proportions, you only hear about it when it’s all cleared up. What the?

There are no preferences, and at no point does it explain that if you go with the email version instead of the RSS version, you only get one email per day, numbnut.

Honestly, if the service is supposed to send you updates when problems arise, and the company providing the service doesn’t plan on giving the email version the same immediacy offered by the RSS version, why offer the email version? I love hearing that my feed is fixed. But it would be nice to hear that it’s broken before it’s no longer broken, thus making the message pointless. That would be kind of like updating a parent on the condition of her kid by email, but deciding to combine the news that her kid was all better with an alert stating that her kid was taken to the hospital and needed stitches just because the two events happened within the same 24-hour period, and you didn’t want to send her too many emails. This is one of those cases where I’m willing to make an exception.

After writing this post, I wonder why I still have the Feed Bulletin email thing on.

Drowning In Selfishness

I have only one piece of advice for this cop. She should move to the UK and work for their police forces. There, they don’t rescue drowning victims, so she’ll never slip in water that splashed on the floor from trying to save a drowning child. Then she won’t need to sue the family of said drowning baby for not cleaning up the puddles which caused her to injure herself. I mean, she didn’t have to do that anyway, because her benefits covered her time off work while her injury healed, but while she’s over there, she won’t even have the thought enter her mind.

Trixie’s Evolving Brain

Trixie speaks
Sheesh! Just when I start to get the hang of when things are supposed to happen, things change and I don’t know why. Carin is getting up and doing everything an hour later. What a lazy bum! Is she trying to get some extra sleep? She says something about a time-change. Who does she think she’s fooling? Time doesn’t change! But no matter what I do, she won’t budge. I wish I could control when stuff happens. the only time I can do that is when I really really have to poop, and I convince her of this. Then, we get out there in no time flat. I can’t do that with food. Oh no no nooo! She even knows I want food, because she comments about how much I want my food now, but I can’t get it. Hmmm. Maybe if I just try harder, I’ll get my way. maybe if I start whining for food, she’ll give in. I know how much she hates it when I whine.

Ug! Ever since I got that last ear infection, getting my ears cleaned is less than pleasant. She got these new wipe things from that guy who has it in for me…what’s he called again? the vet? yeah. He is an evil, evil man, whatever you call him. He is, and so are his minions at that place that smells like every animal under the sun. He loves to pet me and rub my belly and give me treats, but that’s just to try and lull me into having a false sense of security. He’s also poked me and prodded me and given Carin nasty things that she gives to me because he tells her to. Anyway, the last thing he gave her are these ear wipes. They smell horrible, and she wipes my ears with them! Hellooo! My ears are connected to my nose, and you know how good my nose is. So now, after she cleans my ears, I have to roll around and try and shake it off. Shuhkh! That’s all I can say. Shuhkh shuhkh shuhkh!

Another trend I’m not liking is the shrinking number of toys I have! I used to have so many bones! But they all eventually get thrown into that can that she doesn’t like me going near. She says the bones go there because they’ve gotten dangerous. Dangerous? Bones get dangerous? I can still hold them down and chew them and they don’t bite back. Why are they dangerous? I never get to completely destroy a bone. it always just disappears, and I never see it again.

Man these humans are really really stupid. We’ll be playing with a cong, they’ll throw it, it will bounce and sort of get wedged under the couch. I can see it. I can smell it. I can almost get at it. But I don’t have long human arms with those hand things at the end that can grab it. If I could just grow a hand, I’d be able to get it my goddamn self. They have the hand things, but can they find the cong? No no no! They shove their feet under the couch and look for it. They ask me what I did with it. Me? They threw it! God! They should know what they did with it. Sometimes, they find it, but sometimes, I have to figure out how I can get it out of there. I do, because I’m just that good. Well, you know what they say. If you want something done right, do it yourself. How true, how true!

What does Carin want from me? I wish she’d make up her mind. She likes that guy with the table in the parking lot of that cool store with the dog who likes me. She hands him paper things and he gives her metal things back and then this basket of really yummy-smelling stuff. Sniff sniff sniff. I think they call it fruit. She puts it in her backpack so I can’t sniff it and then we go home. She goes there a lot. She has trouble finding it. Sometimes we have to pass it a few times before she figures out where we should turn. I’ve figured this out, so now when we get to that spot, I make it really obvious. I don’t just sort of slow down, I stop! I stand there. I turn a bit so if she’d just follow me, we’d get right to the spot where he is. But now, she doesn’t like him anymore. She says things like “I don’t want fruit today!” Well, why the hell not? You’ve wanted fruit almost every other day. Come on! Maybe if you just talk to him, you’ll change your mind. It’s good. Sniff sniff. Plus, there’s things for me in there. Me me me me me! I’ve already gone to places for you you you you you, it’s my turn for a little fun. But she makes me sit, jerks the leash away from there, and then drags me past it saying “I could really use your help right now!” That’s what I’m doing. I’m helping you find the good sniff sniff fruit stuff! That’s my job, isn’t it?

I went to this really cool store. At first, it was really a drag because there was so much to sniff, but I had to work work work. But then, it all paid off. She took my harness off, and people who usually couldn’t pet me got to pet me! I gave one of them a big kiss! They tried this thing on me called a coat. Hello. I already have a coat. It’s made of fur. Why do I need fur on my fur? How goddamn cold is it going to get up here? I know it’s gotten colder. Good lord, I don’t waste time pooping in the morning and at night. The trees don’t even like it and parts of them die off and land on the grass. That’s not good! Are parts of me going to fall off on the grass? What did I sign up for? This wasn’t in the plan. I swear it. They never told me I was moving to some kind of freezer.

Ah, it can’t be that bad. Carin wouldn’t do that to me. She just wouldn’t. She likes me. She feeds me. I just have to keep hoping she wouldn’t do that to me. I’ll try and keep you all up to date on all of this…if there’s enough of me left that hasn’t fallen off on the grass with the tree parts, that is.

Son Of Da Beach

Two Italians, Luigi and Antonio, met on the street.

“Hey, Antonio,” said Luigi. “Where you beena for the past two weeks? No one seen you aroun.”

“Donna talka to me, Luigi,” replied Antonio. “I been inna da jail.”

“Jail!” exclaimed Luigi. “What for you been in jail?”

“Wella, Luigi,” Antonio said, “I was lying onna da beach, and the cops come, arresta me and throw me inna jail.”

“But dey donna throw you inna jail just for lying onna da beach!” Luigi countered.

“Yeah, but dissa beach was ascreamin’ and akickin’ and a yellin’…”

Come On, Dion

Does Stephane Dion really really really not want to ever be Prime Minister of Canada, or is he just an idiot? The answer has to be one of the 2, because I can think of no other reason why he would repeatedly say that if elected, he would
rescind the Conservatives’ GST cuts because they aren’t good economic policy,
especially at a time in history when the Liberals are at their lowest point in years.

I understand that a majority of economists say that a cut to personal income taxes is a better idea and maybe they’re right, but try telling your average Canadian [who sometimes pays upwards of 15% tax on nearly everything he buys depending on where he lives] that he’s not being taxed enough and that if he votes for you, you’d see to it that this problem is rectified immediately and watch what happens. Trust me, you’ll have a lot of time to watch what happens while you’re busy not running the country.

Before anybody tries to tell me that Dion said he’d replace the GST cut with one somewhere else and that I’m being unfair, I know that’s what he said, but it’s all about timing. Saying that the last goofballs in charge cut the wrong tax and that you need to rejigger things a little is something you put out there *after* you win, not a moment before. And besides, why should I trust anything Stephane Dion says? Isn’t he the same guy who believes so strongly that Harper and friends are doing harm to Canada that he refuses to vote down their policies because he thinks he might lose an election? Oh wait, make that “because Canadians don’t want an election.” His words, not mine. Again, I understand what he’s trying to do, but what average Canadians want is somebody who’s going to put our money where his mouth is and stand up for what he says he believes in. We don’t want people playing political games with our future, we want people to do what’s best for us. Right now, Stephane Dion does not look like one of those people, and talking out of both sides of his mouth isn’t going to help no matter how sound his policies seem on paper.