Ya know what? crying like a baby isn’t the most humiliating thing you can do during a robbery. crapping your pants is the new, uh, low. That’s exactly how the kid put it. “I crapped my pants.” Maybe stealing from cars isn’t your thing.
Category Archives: master criminals
They Don’t Make You Wear Those Things Just Because They Look Nice
If a judge decides to release you from jail to give you another chance at life but for whatever reason you decide that your burglary career isn’t quite over, remember to take your ankle monitor off *before* you start breaking into houses. This reminder comes to you courtesy of your friends at Vomit Comet, and …
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Failure Pile In A Sad Bag
Poor, poor Freddy Delavega. He must be a desperate, desperate man. But his bank robbery attempt didn’t go well at all, and he had such, well, noble intentions. all he wanted to do was make it so his girlfriend didn’t have to sell her body to the night. I wonder if her name was Roxanne. …
Please Use Other Door, Loser
This story of a woman getting caught trying to shoplift $1200 worth of groceries only because she tried to use the wrong automatic door and it wouldn’t open makes me giggle. There’s not much to it, just the image is enough for me.
Robbery Fail
I don’t know if there’s surveillance video to see for this story, but even if there isn’t, the description is fine. Two dudes decide that they’re going to break into a house. Their first method of breaking in was for one of them to run down the length of the yard and slam his body …
>Oh Cry Me A River Of Booze
>Hey Edwin Calix, maybe robbery of stores isn’t your thing. I mean, when a 76-year-old dude isn’t even intimidated by your fake gun and threats to shoot him and he can keep you inside the store by hitting an autolock switch, and you’re reduced to tears on the floor, you suck. If you have a …
Did he Want To Get Caught?
The other day, Randy Cassingham said that he wanted a new word to refer to the people so stupid that they don’t even know they’re stupid. Somebody suggested“obliviot”, and he loved it. so do I, and I’ve been itching for a chance to use it. Here’s my chance. I like this one better, but it …
David And the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day
David Maksimik may have been able to rob the bank, but the rest of his day profoundly sucked. First, he crashed his getaway car. Then, he took a bus and a taxi back to his town, at which point his sister gave him a ride to his house. Upon arrival, he found his room-mate unconscious …
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Secret and Stolen Identities
Oh boy. This story just keeps getting better and better. Can it get any more awesome? First, there was the whole pistol-whipping of a customer at Goomba’s Pizzeria by the owner, then the revelation that the owner was a mobster, now the victim wasn’t being completely honest either. No, he wasn’t in the Witness-protection program, …
Getaway Fail
This burglary gone horribly wrong reminds me of that old story of that shoplifter getting smoked by her getaway car while trying to get into it. Only in this story, Derek Clark didn’t do so well. He was shot by his would-be victim, and then got run over twice by his getaway vehicle before it,well, …
