The Jewellery Is Brighter Than They Are

Was this the first burglary for these four dimwits? How else do you explain how they failed to do what they were supposed to? First, the lookout guy failed to deactivate the alarm at the jewellery store. So while the two men inside were taking stuff, police were on their way. When they arrived, they …

Pat Robertson Gets Letters

Yesterday we got talking about Pat Robertson and his thoughts on Haiti making a deal with the devil. Honestly, I don’t know why he has any followers at all. Anyway, Ro found this letter to Robertson from Satan. It’s a beautiful thing. Dear Pat Robertson, I know that you know that all press is good …

Bulletproof, and Idiotproof glass.

It’s time for some theme music to set the scene. Travis Copeland was in court on some felony charges. I guess he just didn’t want to be there anymore, so got up and bolted out of the courtroom and down the skyway. He was run run runnin’ along, when he noticed that deputies were coming …

Did You Pack Your Bags Yourself Barbie

If you’re looking for a way to bring the nonstop fun of airport security screenings into your own home or for an excuse to teach your little ones how to give a proper pat down, do I have just the thing for you. Yes, it’s thePlaymobil Security Check Point! Imagine the fun you and your …

We *Are* The Beaver

Well shit, this story has put this song in my head. Ok, there’s an old magazine all about Canadian history. It is called “The Beaver.” Why? Because goddamn it, or maybe goddam it, the beaver is our national symbol. But now they’re thinking of changing the magazine’s name. What bugs me about this story is …

There Are Two Sides To Every Story, But Only One Side Under His Shirt

I looked at this article and didn’t post it right away? What is wrong with me? I must fix this immediately. After being caught 9 times for shoplifting, you’d think Mark Zachary could come up with a better defense than “I wasn’t going to steal this giant side of meat, I was only massaging it. …

Parents Parents Parents, Which Are Good, Which Are Bad

It sounds like Randall L. McCoy is quite the prize. His kids’ telephone conversations are recorded because their mom and stepfather fear for their safety. It appears that came in handy when he asked his son to trade the pain medication he was going to get for an up-coming surgery for an iPod. It’s a …

There’s Always Room For J E L L Y…Fish

There’s really not a whole lot to this story. Keith Edward Marriottwas just out having some fun, provided fun is getting hammered, repeatedly pretending to drown and throwing jellyfish on teenagers. You know, just a regular day at the office. The main reason I’m posting this is because I have a couple questions. 1. when …

Badda, Ba, Ba, Ba, I’m Smashin’ it.

Here’s a woman you dont’ want to make food for. An as yet unidentified woman walked into a McDonald’s and ordered a hamburger. But she didn’t like the burger for some reason that was never explained. The employees offered to replace it, but she said she wanted her money back. When they said they couldn’t …

>Check In Every 5000 Miles Or You, Whichever Comes First

>Once you turn 18,, a whole lot of things become legal for you. You can vote, you can join the army, in some places you can even drink. But somebody should have explained to John Hudson that no matter how old you are, the law still frowns uponslipping on some women’s clothing, gathering up a …