I’m Such a Slacker

I can’t believe I’m doing this. For no good reason, I’m skipping this class. I know that doesn’t seem monumental, but I rarely skip a class unless there’s a reason. But today, I’m just like ah screw it. Maybe it’s the fact that it’s cold and I don’t wanna freeze my ass off again. I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I think the prof is a weirdo and I’m not really learning much from her anyway. Maybe it’s because after today, I only have 8 more classes of hers to endure before the course is done and I can graduate! 8 of hers and 9 of the other course that is sorta in a shambles…and then it’s all over! Maybe that’s why I don’t care. But at any rate, it feels weird to just sit here and write shit instead of going to class. Weird, but good! Na…I won’t make it a common occurrence. I’ll resist the urge.

Headlines

Some of these are pretty funny.

Cause of AIDS Found – Scientists

Doctor Testifies in Horse Suit

City May Impose Mandatory Time for Prostitution

Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Axe

Grandmother of Eight Makes Hole in One

Kicking Baby Considered to Be Healthy

Why You Want Sex Changes With Age

Boys Cause As Many Pregnancies As Girls

Cemetery Allows People to be Buried by Their Pets

Man Held Over Giant L.A. Brush Fire

Antique Stripper to Demonstrate Wares at Store

Sudden Rush to Help People Out of Work

Deadline Passes for Striking Police

S Club Satan?

Greg sent me this earth shattering news.

It turns out that one of my least and his most favourite bands in the world, S Club 7, is
evil.
Yes, I said
evil!

The proof is right there for you to click on. Backwards messages, mind control, it’s all there, and I for one am shocked by the mere concept of something evil in the pop music industry. It just…it just can’t be, or can it?

Carin turns to mush

Well, here’s your dose of sap. I don’t know why, I just feel like I have to say this.

Today I went to class like normal. I sat down, and instead of our usual crazy raging prof who sounds like he’s going to blow a gasket all the time, the chair of the Psych department is standing in front of the class. He says, “Well guys, your professor won’t be teaching the rest of the class. He was in a car accident, he’s going to be ok, but he’s in the hospital and he has a fractured pelvis and broken ribs. So the rest of the semester will be guest lectures. He won’t be answering his phone at the hospital, he’s in a lot of pain, but he’s going to be ok.”

Just digest that for a while. We have a little over a month to go, and he doesn’t think he’ll be back! That’s one hell of a break. Maybe I’m just overly worried because after going to the school I did, they always tried to make things sound better than they were. So if we were told someone had a little fall, their head was split wide open and their brains were splattered all over. If the word from the ones informing us was that they might not return, they were pretty much dead. I want to believe the chair isn’t shooting us a line and this guy will be ok, but ya never know when all ya get is a PR statement. All I’m saying is you never know what can happen, so let the people you care about know how you feel! Ok I think that’s enough sap for now.

When Did Our Country Grow A Spine?

This is a few days old, but I just got a chance to read it now, and all I can say is wow. Ok, wow and how long until a cluster bomb gets dropped on us by accident?

Former Liberal cabinet member Lloyd Axworthy wrote this open letter to US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice after hearing American opinions on Canada’s decision not to sign up for their missile-defence plan and not liking them. I wish I could write half this well.

Dear Condi,

I’m glad you’ve decided to get over your fit of pique and venture north to visit your closest neighbour. It’s a chance to learn a thing or two. Maybe more.

I know it seems improbable to your divinely guided master in the White House that mere mortals might disagree with participating in a missile-defence system that has failed in its last three tests, even though the tests themselves were carefully rigged to show results.

But, gosh, we folks above the 49th parallel are somewhat cautious types who can’t quite see laying down billions of dollars in a three-dud poker game.

As our erstwhile Prairie-born and bred (and therefore prudent) finance minister pointed out in presenting his recent budget, we’ve had eight years of balanced or surplus financial accounts. If we’re going to spend money, Mr. Goodale added, it will be on day-care and health programs, and even on more foreign aid and improved defence.

Sure, that doesn’t match the gargantuan, multi-billion-dollar deficits that your government blithely runs up fighting a “liberation war” in Iraq, laying out more than half of all weapons expenditures in the world, and giving massive tax breaks to the top one per cent of your population while cutting food programs for poor children.
Just chalk that up to a different sense of priorities about what a national government’s role should be when there isn’t a prevailing mood of manifest destiny.

Coming to Ottawa might also expose you to a parliamentary system that has a thing called question period every day, where those in the executive are held accountable by an opposition for their actions, and where demands for public debate on important topics such as missile defence can be made openly.

You might also notice that it’s a system in which the governing party’s caucus members are not afraid to tell their leader that their constituents don’t want to follow the ideological, perhaps teleological, fantasies of Canada’s continental co-inhabitant. And that this leader actually listens to such representations.

Your boss did not avail himself of a similar opportunity to visit our House of Commons during his visit, fearing, it seems, that there might be some signs of dissent. He preferred to issue his diktat on missile defence in front of a highly controlled, pre-selected audience.

Such control-freak antics may work in the virtual one-party state that now prevails in Washington. But in Canada we have a residual belief that politicians should be subject to a few checks and balances, an idea that your country once espoused before the days of empire.

If you want to have us consider your proposals and positions, present them in a proper way, through serious discussion across the table in our cabinet room, as your previous president did when he visited Ottawa. And don’t embarrass our prime minister by lobbing a verbal missile at him while he sits on a public stage, with no chance to respond.
Now, I understand that there may have been some miscalculations in Washington based on faulty advice from your resident governor of the “northern territories,” Ambassador Cellucci. But you should know by now that he hasn’t really won the hearts and minds of most Canadians through his attempts to browbeat and command our allegiance to U.S. policies.

Sadly, Mr. Cellucci has been far too closeted with exclusive groups of ‘experts’ from Calgary think-tanks and neo-con lobbyists at cross-border conferences to remotely grasp a cross-section of Canadian attitudes (nor American ones, for that matter).

I invite you to expand the narrow perspective that seems to inform your opinions of Canada by ranging far wider in your reach of contacts and discussions. You would find that what is rising in Canada is not so much anti-Americanism, as claimed by your and our right-wing commentators, but fundamental disagreements with certain policies of your government. You would see that rather than just reacting to events by drawing on old conventional wisdoms, many Canadians are trying to think our way through to some ideas that can be helpful in building a more secure world.

These Canadians believe that security can be achieved through well-modulated efforts to protect the rights of people, not just nation-states.

To encourage and advance international co-operation on managing the risk of climate change, they believe that we need agreements like Kyoto.

To protect people against international crimes like genocide and ethnic cleansing, they support new institutions like the International Criminal Court — which, by the way, you might strongly consider using to hold accountable those committing atrocities today in Darfur, Sudan.

And these Canadians believe that the United Nations should indeed be reformed — beginning with an agreement to get rid of the veto held by the major powers over humanitarian interventions to stop violence and predatory practices.

On this score, you might want to explore the concept of the ‘Responsibility to Protect’ while you’re in Ottawa. It’s a Canadian idea born out of the recent experience of Kosovo and informed by the many horrific examples of inhumanity over the last half-century. Many Canadians feel it has a lot more relevance to providing real human security in the world than missile defence ever will.

This is not just some quirky notion concocted in our long winter nights, by the way. It seems to have appeal for many in your own country, if not the editorialists at the Wall Street Journal or Rush Limbaugh. As I discovered recently while giving a series of lectures in southern California, there is keen interest in how the U.S. can offer real leadership in managing global challenges of disease, natural calamities and conflict, other than by military means. There is also a very strong awareness on both sides of the border of how vital Canada is to the U.S. as a partner in North America. We supply copious amounts of oil and natural gas to your country, our respective trade is the world’s largest in volume, and we are increasingly bound together by common concerns over depletion of resources, especially very scarce fresh water.

Why not discuss these issues with Canadians who understand them, and seek out ways to better cooperate in areas where we agree — and agree to respect each other’s views when we disagree.

Above all, ignore the Cassandras who deride the state of our relations because of one missile-defence decision. Accept that, as a friend on your border, we will offer a different, independent point of view. And that there are times when truth must speak to power.

In friendship,
Lloyd Axworthy

Lloyd Axworthy is president of the University of Winnipeg and a former Canadian foreign minister.

People Are Cute

There isn’t much point to this story except that it cracked me up when it happened. I was walking to the bus. It’s raining, actually make that that it’s pouring. As I approach the stop where I usually wait, this woman runs at me. She can’t speak much English and all she keeps saying is, “Come on! Come on! Come on!” I let her lead me, and she leads me not to the bus, but into the bus shelter. Then she grabs my hood, and shakes it out and trying to be all motherly, puts it on my head. On any other day, I probably would have been like I’m ok! But going in the shelter semed like a good idea anyway. There were a bunch of people in there, so I asked one of them to tell me when a certain bus, the 52 comes. So I’m standing there, and a bus starts to come in. The lady who can’t speak much english starts to get excited. She says, “52! 52!” and runs outside with me. Then she looks at the bus and says in a sad voice, “Aww, 51! 51!” It just cracked me up. She then runs back in the shelter again. Then the 52 comes, and sure enough she gets all excited again and puts me in the line to get on, and then, like magic, she’s gone.

I don’t know what it was about her exactly that cracked me up, I guess the fact that she really really wanted to help me, even though she couldn’t speak much English, and the fact that she was trying to take care of me. Random people try to do that to me all the time, and I don’t know why. One day I was walking down the street and it was cold, and this random stranger patted my head and said, “Where’s your hat? I’m telling your mother.” I laughed so hard, cause mom’s like 6 hours away. And sometimes when I pick up milk at the store, the guy selling it to me gets all worked up and says, “How are you going to carry that home?” Man it makes me laugh.

Anyway like I said at the beginning, there wasn’t much point to this story, except to say that some people just crack me up sometimes. Maybe I’ll write up more adventures of me walking around, I seem to have a fair number of them.

Funny Signs

Snappy title eh? But that’s exactly what these are. Funny signs that are supposedly real.

I love this kind of stuff almost as much as those crazy product warning labels that we were doing a little while ago.

Sign In a clothing store:
“Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.”

In the window of an Oregon general store:
“Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?”

In a Pennsylvania cemetary:
“Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.”

On a Tennessee highway:
“Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable.”

From the safety information card in an America WestAirline seat pocket:
“If you are sitting in an exit row and can not read this card, please tell a crew member.”

On a Maine shop:
“Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship.”

On a delicatessen wall:
“Our best is none too good.”

Stupid Jokes Crack Me Up Sometimes

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o’clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

“Not a chance,” says the husband, “it is three o’clock in the morning!” He slams the door and returns to bed.

“Who was that?” asked his wife.

“Just some drunk guy asking for a push,” he answers.

“Did you help him?” she asks.

“No, I did not, it is three in the morning and it is pouring outside!”

“Well, you have a short memory,” says his wife. “Can’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!”

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pouring rain. He calls out into the dark, “Hello, are you still there?”

“Yes,” comes back the answer.

“Do you still need a push?” calls out the husband.

“Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark.

“Where are you?” asks the husband.

“Over here on the swing!” replies the drunk.

Explain This One to Me

Why is it that the people who need the most help get the screw? If you’re ill and go to see your doctor, although they may take a while to figure out what you’ve got, there’s a set of straightforward things they’ll do to figure it out, and if you have a good one, they won’t stop until they figure it out. And if you’re not happy, you can get a second opinion. There are things you can do.

But as soon as the help you need is psychiatric, well then forget simplicity. You have to crawl through mount red tape to get help. First you have to tell your family doctor so that you can even see a psychiatrist. The doctor gets skiddish and half the time doesn’t even want to deal with it. They’d rather deal with wounds they can see. If you manage to convince them that you do have a problem and should see a psychiatrist, sometimes they won’t even refer you for months, and when you try and see some psychiatrists, you need a god damn referral from somewhere else besides the doctor! Hellooo! Psychiatrists aren’t a dime a dozen!

Then when you finally do get to a psychiatrist and tell them everything, they try to shove you out the door, hand you pills and say “Have a nice day.” If you have concerns, good luck getting an ear, even though they’re kind of the only person who can talk to you about them. When you ask about counseling, they say it’s not their department. Not their department? Then who in the blue bloody hell’s department is it, and send me there right now! I know a psychiatrist’s primary role is to prescribe drugs, but they should at the very least be able to refer you! For the love of God these people don’t just have a cough and need a pill. They need help! And it’s complicated! To rush someone out the door as if their stuff doesn’t matter, well, what do you think that does, Sparticus? I just can’t believe when a psychiatrist’s profession is to deal with the mind, that they’d be that cold and uncaring. But apparently they are.

And on top of that, it seems like to get anywhere, you have to know some kind of code. I know that’s the way it is with medicine too, but it seems almost worse that people who are having problems that can be pretty scary that no one else can physically see have to learn some kind of doctorese to get what they need. If you’ve got a tumour, sure it’s scary, but the doctor isn’t going to try and tell you it doesn’t exist.

And this is why nobody, or not nearly enough people, can get the help they need. We’ve got people running around with depression, bipolar, and who knows what else, suffering in secret and in silence, because that’s easier than dealing with the system. If that’s the kind of system we have, isn’t it time for an overhall?