Well Whooda Thunk It?

Today I was running around doing errands, and since I’m hoping to graduate this year, I decided to tie up loose ends. I received a nice snippy email from the university that said, “well we’re acknowledging that we received your application to graduate, but don’t expect to be let out if you have any library fines, parking fines, outstanding fees at financial services, or any other crap on your record there young lady!” So I toddled over to the library to make sure I didn’t have any fines. I was pretty sure I didn’t have any, because the way I use the library is for journal articles most of the time, so it doesn’t require any books being taken out. But this nagging voice said, “You did take a couple books out, so you might have something, who knows.”

And ya know what? I did have a fine. Apparently two years ago, I was late to return a video. So they fined me 5 bucks. Thank god fines don’t accumulate interest. Otherwise I might have to pay a small fortune, after having paied a small fortune already.

I love how universities work. Everywhere else in the known universe, if you owe something, if you don’t pay it after a while, you get a friendly nudging letter saying, “Hey! Numbnuts! Pay your fine!” But not the university. It’s like they’re just waiting for you to not realize that you have a $5 fine so they can say, “you can’t graduate now, that’ll be $90 please, cha ching, ha ha ha ha ha.” I’m just glad I listen to my nagging voices. They just saved my butt.

Hey Big Spender!

I just heard the funniest thing on the radio as I was coming home on the bus. The local radio station is holding a contest where some DJ names a random product on the Mcdonalds menu, and if someone can remember it hours later, and calls in, they win…wait for it…dinner for 4 at Mcdonalds! Like holy man. I know Mcdonalds food is overpriced, but a radio station? Giving away dinner for 4 at Mcdonalds? What’s next, a Tim Horton’s coffee as the prize?

Hey, winning is cool. I’m just picturing this family going to Mcdonalds to claim their prize. Will they take it through the drive-through? I mean usually dinner prizes are to nice restaurants. So as a special occasion, you go out courtesy of the radio station. But Mcdonalds? What would make it even funnier is if it was a dinner for two at Mcdonalds. I can hear it now. “Have a nice romantic evening on us. We love to see you smile.”

Wow, That Sounds Like Fun

I’m so glad that my Sesame Street watching days came when the show’s creators still realized that cartoons could be educational and fun at the same time.

According to this story, the show’s new season will feature a new health craze that goes so far that Cookie Monster can’t even be Cookie Monster anymore because kids apparently don’t understand that a cartoon character eating cookies like a maniac isn’t real which would in turn send the message to them that they should be doing the same thing. And in related news, I just put a down payment on a new trash can so I can be just like Oscar the Grouch, because if he can live in one then dammit, why can’t I?

Seriously, where does this sort of stupidity end? Are they going to take Oscar out of his garbage can because it might send the message that homeless people who happen to live in one are pissed off all the time? Come to think of it, they probably are, but that’s beside the point. The point is that Sesame Street shouldn’t have to or even want to do this. I mean if you aren’t spending even the minimal time required with your own children to teach them the difference between real and pretend, then maybe you shouldn’t have any to begin with. It’s not Sesame Street’s job to raise your kids, it’s yours. and to me, if you don’t have time to do a little better than a half assed job of it, you don’t respect your children enough to miss them when somebody with more sense takes them away from you, so what do you care?

It sounds harsh I know, but I’m sick and tired of negligent parents blaming everything and everyone but themselves for how their kids turned out. I understand that there’s such a thing as outside influences, but Jesus Christ, do your parental duty and try your best to keep them in check and balanced out. You owe them at least that much.

I’ve Heard Of Stranger Things Than This, But It’s Still Weird

A man from Senegal has invented what he’s calling an automatic condom fitter that he claims will make it easier for guys to put on a condom without ruining the flow of the action and spoiling the mood. Mor Maty Seck, the inventor in question, also claims that with enough practice a man can use the device without the woman even realizing it. Uh…sure.

You can read more and even see a picture of this thing by clicking
here.

And While We’re at it…

When Steve wrote his Jehova’s Witness post, he reminded me of something I thought up a while ago. Do you ever wonder if the Jehova’s Witnesses were the ones who came up with the idea of telemarketing? Think about it. Telemarketers and Jehova’s Witnesses like to harass you in your home, particularly at times when they think everyone will be home. They both get rewarded for how many people they convert, whether it be to the Watchtower or to Sprint. They’re both very pushy and don’t take no for an answer very easily. Neither of them have much regard for holidays. By the sounds of it, both are pretty highly monitored, and get told what to do in a lot of respects. And some telemarketers even try and get your address so they can mail you an information package, where the Jehova’s Witness tries to leave behind a copy of the Watchtower! The more I think about it, the more it seems like they’ve been behind this all along. It’s been a big conspiracy. Anyone else convinced yet?

When You Absolutely, Positively Have To Fall Asleep Right Now

Greg just pointed me in the direction of what could easily be the most boring thing I’ve ever had the misfortune of experiencing. Golf. But not just any golf, we’re talking about golf that’s being broadcast on the radio.

Seriously, if you click here, you can listen to Masters Radio, hosted by guys who make watching paint dry sound like a dandy night on the town.

Your hosts are some British guy who talks about nothing for as long as he possibly can before throwing it to a not British guy who is talking so quietly that you can’t hear a goddamn word he says, and who seems to be so hard up for action to call that he’s perfectly willing to spend 4 minutes talking about a shot that Tiger Woods is almost but not quite ready to make.

And as if that weren’t bad enough, when they throw it to a commercial break, the internet audience is treated to some other lame guy in the broadcast centre who’s job it is to review everything we just heard about in the dullest way possible until the other guys get back from the can or the food wagon, or wherever boring guys go when they have a few minutes to kill. Maybe they just stand there talking to one another about what’s happening, who knows?

But whatever the case, I challenge all of you to try to listen to this stuff for more than 5 minutes. It’s harder than it sounds, trust me.

Ok, I’m Officially Creeped Out

I’ve seen a lot of crazy and disgusting things in my time, but I think
this
is right up near the top.

You’d think that with a title like “Natural Harvest Cooking: An inspirational collection of semen based recipes,” that “Cooking With Cum – The Book!” couldn’t possibly be for real. Well at least that’s what I thought until I looked it up and couldn’t find anything saying that it wasn’t. Maybe I’m not looking hard enough or something but the serious references I found to it in other places kind of frightened me into not doing any further investigating.

I dare you to click the link and read what they have to say, even though part of their site is gone because of some bandwidth problems. What they left up pretty much explains what’s going on there.

And if any of you get the urge so to speak, feel free to email them and ask what’s so inspirational about spunking on a bran muffin.

The Incredible Popeman

Here’s proof that all of the best drugs really do come from Colombia. the Pope is going to be starring in his own comic book series. Entitled “Incredible Popeman,” the comics will feature the late JP 2.0 fighting against evil, decked out in his anti-devil cape and special chastity pants, which I’m guessing he wears to protect himself from the advances of any other super hero clergy he might meet along the way.

Along with the comics, Popeman’s creators also have action figures in the works.

You can
click here
to check this out for yourselves. Just remember that these people are probably going to hell because laughing at the Pope most likely isn’t cool yet according to the rules set forth by people without a sense of humour.

Something You Don’t See Every Day

I don’t know how bizarre anyone else will think this is, but I thought it was pretty weird. I had to go to an ophthalmologist, yes, I found one that wasn’t for dogs, and he was even in this city, wow! Anyway, I came in and went to the secretary. She asked me the usual questions, and asked for my health card. She took it, and started to type…on a typewriter! That’s right. Not on a computer. On a typewriter. I haven’t seen one of those in an office since…hmmm…when? A long time ago anyway. Part of me wondered if my ears were deceiving me and it was just that clunky fake typing noise that programs like ICQ make. But oh no, it was the real thing. I got to thinking, if they can’t afford a computer for the secretary, what’s the state of their eye-checking equipment? I was very glad all I needed was for him to look at me and realize that I was just about as blind as they come. Anyway, it was just something weird I was thinking about as I write the last paper ever for my degree, so I thought I’d share it.